Advice for telling my boyfriend, Coming out of the broom closet Options

[ColorMySoul]

Hello lovelies!

So, as you are all well aware, I am a Pagan. Hellenistic Pagan with Wiccan influences, actually. And again, I'm sure many of you know that I haven't told my boyfriend yet.

The problem there is that, when we first got together, my boyfriend believed me to be Agnostic or Atheist. So halfway through our relationship, I changed my religion drastically and just never found the right way to tell him.

So! How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm Pagan? How do I tell him that I want to attend a Samhain ritual this weekend? How do I tell him that I want to attend a Thanksgiving celebration with my local Pagan community? How do I tell him that, come Christmas, I'll want to attend a Yule ritual?

I know I can't just come out and say "Hey honey! I'm Pagan! Wanna go to a Samhain ritual with me?!" Yeah.. And I was thinking about leaving out my Complete Idiot's Guide to Paganism with a note telling him what I am and to read it. But then that's the childish way out, too afraid to face him and tell him the truth.

So how would you suggest that I bombard him with this? I need help. And I want to tell him soon. Help plleeasseee?


Blessings,
Beth

[fooze]

How long have you two been together?

I've got a feeling your beau may be a little miffed you've changed your beliefs without telling him. I can understand why you haven't though. At first you'd be feeling it out non-comittally and over time grown into Paganism without involving him. Be prepared for him to be upset about or less than accepting of your decision.

I would not ask him to come along to the festival just yet. Let him know you've made the change, and give him the opportunity to learn about your new beliefs.

[ColorMySoul]

We've been together for a year, next month. We moved in together two months ago. I think I changed my beliefs in early July, from what my topic history tells me. lol So it's been four months. Which is quite a long time to hide it.. But I know his religion.. And I know how some religions look down on Paganism.

When I started wearing a pentacle around my neck at all times, me and my boyfriend started to fight over it. He thought it was a Satanic symbol. The symbol is so misunderstood.. I kept telling him that it wasn't Satanic, it's a symbol of unity and cycles and protection. But even to this day, he still doesn't like it.

So my problem is that if he doesn't like my necklace so much, how is he going to handle my path? What makes it even harder is that I don't feel like I chose this path.. I feel like it chose me. How can I explain that stuff to him?

How do I even open up the conversation? What happens if he gets mad at me.. What happens if he doesn't accept me.. I'm so scared to tell him, but it hurts my stomach not to. I've thought about just bringing it up in a regular conversation.. But Paganism doesn't come up very often in regular conversations...

Sigh..

Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it. I never thought about him being upset that I didn't tell him sooner. I'll be prepared for that.


Blessings and love,
Beth

[Angel C]

I want to attend a Samhain ritual this weekend

Seems like an opportunity to open the conversation. If he is upset, you could explain to him you've been trying it out and now decided it is right for you, and if he doesnt understand about it, you can give him the book you mentioned to read, and ask if he wants to come along.

let us know

[fooze]

You're welcome.

How do I even open up the conversation?

"Babe, you know how I wear this pentagram? Well, now I'm a full blown Hellenistic Pagan witch. I'll let that sink in for a while and if you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them for you."

What happens if he gets mad at me.. What happens if he doesn't accept me.. I'm so scared to tell him, but it hurts my stomach not to.

Then I guess you make a choice. Keep him happy while denying yourself or continue on your pagan path. Of course, the universe has a habit of presenting opportunities noone could have predicted so maybe take one of those options when it arises?

Also, from his point of view, the agnostic or atheist girl he met is now into mysticism. He will be seriously reconsidering your relationship. It's quite a change. Be calm and patient, this will be quite a shock for him. Continue showing him your love. Once you get it out you'll wonder why it seemed so hard.

Oh and don't let it turn into a drama fest. Remember this is about how you have chosen or been chosen to live your life. It is non-negotiable, your beliefs are your beliefs.

[ColorMySoul]

Gaahhh!!! >_O I had the PERFECT opportunity to tell him today. And I DIDN'T!! I tried to say it, but my mouth defied me!!

We were talking about holidays. We were talking about where Halloween came from. Then he started talking about how silly Easter's symbols are. I tried to explain it's Pagan roots. Then we started talking about Christmas, and how it used to be the Yule tree.

I had the perfect opportunity to say "I'd know. I'm Pagan." But my mouth wouldn't woorrrkkkk!! Ugh. Oh well. Another time.

[Dot]

Maybe showing him your knowledge is a good way to ease into it. Look at it that way, ColorMySoul. The right time will come.

[Thebigtheory]

the way i eased my bf into the psychic stuff was to pretend that i was completely oblivious to the word "psychic"

i had told him that "if something bad was going to happen, i would feel it in my stomach like a gut feeling"
then i told him an example n he said that "that could be God speaking to you" (hehe i know. more like guides ) so i was like mhm



so in conclusion, my advice is to ease him in, maybe. say like "i heard about this seminar (sorry sp?) thing on *date*. it sounds interesting, so im going to go. what do you think?"



x

[ColorMySoul]

Yeah.. I really should give him more credit. He knows I'm psychic. I told him a long time ago, whenever we first met. He didn't care at all. He doesn't believe in it, but he didn't judge me. He said he was more worried about my lack of believing in God. I really shouldn't be trying to make a big deal out of it. I should just start leaving my Pagan books around and assume he's getting the hint. If he's curious, he'll ask me about it. But I know he doesn't believe what I believe, so he won't even bother. I dunno. Whatever.

Sometimes I wish he would just have a more open mind. I know he has a right to his belief and has a right to express his opinion. But it's so hard to know that I'm going to want to attend rituals and he'll never come with me. It's so hard to know that I'll want to cast protection spells on new homes and other such things and he won't take part in them with me. This is such an important aspect in my life and I know that he'll never, ever, want to be part of it.

[Dot]

That does sound painful. I know it's really wonderful to have somebody understand you; perhaps you will be able to make some friends who can make you feel more in place with your beliefs. Or maybe one day you will meet somebody wonderful who shares your beliefs and you and your boyfriend will move on? I don't know; that might sound really cruel, but you really deserve somebody who can truly appreciate you...

Even if it means letting go of something nice you already have...

I'm sorry, that's probably not what you want to hear but you really sound like you're in pain, and I want to help you. Maybe you can think about it?

[ColorMySoul]

Don't worry, it's not cruel. I've been thinking the same thing all day.

I've been getting worried. He reacts so negatively to my necklace. He hates that I wear it, even though I've explained so many times that it's not as bad as he thinks it is. And I can only imagine how he would react if I told him I'm basically a witch. I love him to death, and I'm so happy with him. But I'm also so worried. Am I going to be able to spend the rest of my life with someone who will never be part of my religion? I know people do it. I know some are Catholic and others are Jewish and whatnot. I guess it's really no different, but it makes it easier to have the support and acceptance there. It's going to be even harder when he's probably going to try to save my soul, turn me towards the light, whatever else. I dunno.

I actually met a girl at work today that is Pagan. So that makes three Pagan friends. One I went to high school with (only for a year, she was a senior, I was freshmen.. we sat at the same lunch table). One I worked with a couple years ago. And now this new chick. It's good to have friends. So that way, if I ever want to go to a Pagan event, I can bring one of them along and just tell my boyfriend I'm going out with friends. That way I won't have to be so graphic about the "We're going to a Pagan Thanksgiving Celebration and we're going to have a ritual. With who? Oh, just a bunch of people I met on the local Pagan Yahoo group. "

[Dot]

You know, ColorMySoul, I was into paganism or wicca for awhile about a year ago. I then realized that my views and ideals cover a lot more than that, but...

I don't know, I guess I'm offering you my friendship - if you wanna call it that. If you want to talk about it sometime, I'm open to listen. There was a wicca forum I was a part of but it got shut down, which is a pity because it was a good place. The main website also hosted a comic called The Many Moons of Astra which I found kind of amusing (though it's shut down now). I know I was really good at weaving magic spells and making magic circles. And there's no sense wandering around not appreciating nature, either. I don't know what I'm saying, really. I'm not pagan, and I'm not wiccan; I don't embody those things, I like incorporating a lot of things into what I do. I have this great Wiccan Healing book though! It covers general stuff; I like things like that. You can into detail elsewhere from those points. I'm trying to relate to you somehow.

I think I'm rambling now, but if you wanna chat, we can. And if you don't, that's cool too!

I get the feeling talking with your boyfriend about this is like the Death card; it will be a new beginning, no matter which way it goes. I hope that brightens the prospect for you. I also think it's really important for you to talk to your boyfriend about this; I know you know that already, but I'm just reinforcing the idea!