Hello , ever since I've been a teenager , my relationship with my mom has been difficult . She never understood that as a teenager it was normal to have crushes on guys etc . She made a big deal about it and made me feel guilty about it . The point is that most of the time she criticizes me and makes me feel guilty about my myself ... I hate it . Her words are very harsh . She rarely softens up with me and says caring words . She scolds me like a kid when I'm in my mid-20s . I don't know what I've done to her to deserve being treated this way . There's no way she would understand . As far as I have observed she doesn't act like that with my younger brother . I just get the impression sometimes thay she blames me for lots of her problems in her life. I agree she's had a rough life but she shouldn't do this to me . I just wished that someday I could live the country and live my life the way I wish .

Can anyone provide some insight why I have such a difficult relationship with my mom ? Is it because of a past life issue ?

Thanks.

It sounds like she's projecting. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection I think projection might explain her behavior. Let me know what you think.

do you look like her? I mean she could be hating herself and projecting it on you.

She was hurt by men....so she doesn't trust them she doesn't want you to be hurt the same, it may seems she harsher on you but she already made many mistakes she hoping to keep you from, but her methods are a little harsh.

your life is yours live it, but understand your mother is not a communicator. Are you and your brother had the same father? I asking because maybe she sees you as the reminder of a very relationship

She doesnt want you to make the same mistakes she has, and she doesnt know how to communicate that.

You could try asking her. You can ask in a gentle way, with a view to seeing it from her perspective, and understanding her behaviour, so that your relationship can heal.

You know, this could relate to your other thread, about finding love.

Hi Dot ,thanks . I don't know if she really could be projecting what she feels on me . Our lives are so different . She got married early and she concentrated all the time taking care of the house and family.

Hi autumntears7, thanks . I look a bit like her obviously because she is mom but we don't have the same personality. She had problems in her marriage. But I just wished she stopped being so harsh , scolding me and making me feel bad about myself. Yes my brother had the same father as mine .

Hi Angel C, thanks.I agree that this could be perhaps the reason . I have become so hard on myself due to her attitude . I think I am so self conscious partly because of her . I have told her a few times that it's not nice of her to be so harsh to be . But she doesn't seem to get the point . It's not fair and doesn't help me in my self esteem .I'm just patient till the day I finally will be able to live my life the way I want . Until I am completely okay with myself , stop feeling guilty etc , I won't find love and won't accept that someone can love me unconditionally

Yes AngelC, well said.

Consider the mother's life and how this has formed her behaviours, beliefs and experiences. It is not unusual for a parent not to know how to communicate with their children when they weren't ever taught how, no matter how much they may want to and how much they love you.

She is harder on you because she does not want you to "waste your life" as she sees it by focusing on boys too much.. as that does create a growth in population from girls seeking the Love they believe they do not have at home. The same applies to some boys, although boys will usually take what they can get anyway without remorse. She does not know how to tell you so you will not be offended.

Perhaps she only needs to hear you tell her you love her even when you don't like how she is being with you at times. Love is important. Children are also teachers to their parents, so you could show her by your actions how you want to be treated lovingly. You will have to make the first move because she does not know how to, yet.

Be gentle with her, she only wants for you what she didn't have in life, a good chance to be the best you can be.

I also have a difficult relationship with my mom,and she drains me of positive energy.There is no stronger love than that of a mother and child,so perhaps we are connected to grow from this.Learning how not to let her drain me has helped our relationship,and when she is intent on making me feel bad,I cut the contact short.I love her,but loving someone does not give them a license to destroy you.I can appreciate the advice of talking to her,and trying to teach her how to open up with her fears,sadly some people are not going to grow from this,it's like hitting a brick wall.What you have to do is let go of the guilt of not being able to fix the relationship,and just accept that you are both differant beings meant to be in each others lives,and when you are around her dend her loving thoughts.Love and light to you.

Hi Sandy and Lane

I don't know how they would take it, but I think you should both buy your Moms End The Struggle and Dance With Life, by Susan Jeffers. (author of Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.

It's actually very similar to a lot of advice you see on here, about accepting what comes to us in life, appreciating life and enjoying it to the full. I would imagine your relationships would change for the better, mainly because I feel the issues these relationships stem from fear and worry.