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The first stage of a relationship is the attraction/honeymoon phase (Oh, my goodness, we're JUST alike!). You meet. You think you like one another. You've been lonely for so long and now, finally (?), here's someone who understands you. You fall in love. Now, you can't get enough of each other.
The second stage begins when you get to know each other well enough to become aware of the FATAL FLAW (or flaws). THIS wasn't what I bargained for! Isn't there some mistake? Hopefully, you haven't totally gotten past phase one yet, so there's still some interest in hanging out together and seeing what happens. EVERY RELATIONSHIP GOES THROUGH THIS STAGE. As none of us is perfect (who would want to have to be?) and we all bring our past histories into new relationships, no two people automatically fit together like hands and gloves.
The third stage of a relationship involves sorting it through. What, exactly, can you learn to live with and what needs to be addressed? The fact that the toothpaste tube gets squeezed from the top or the toilet paper comes off the roll from the bottom is, in the grand manner of things, not that big of a deal. If, however, one of you wants children and the other doesn't, that needs to be discussed. Or, if you would like to live in Hawaii and he or she prefers England, you need to talk.
The next stage of a relationship requires working it through. If you get resentful that you're the only one who squeezes the toothpaste from the bottom, stop. Who really cares if there's a little pile of dirty socks at the end of the bed? A smoker living with a non-smoker could be asked to limit this activity to one or two rooms. A sense of humour can make all the difference in the world during this phase. Plan on doing some give and take here; and I emphasize BOTH -- not just give and not just take. Remember that it takes time.
Communicate. Listen. Negotiate issues with each other. Also, perhaps most important of all, THINK. One of the commonest mistakes made in relationships is the belief that love is enough. While love is wonderful, don't forget to use your head! Human nature may be strange, but it is absolutely predictable. Think it through. The final stage of a relationship is a great and abiding friendship with ease. By this time, you know each other well enough (probably better than you even wanted!) to know what to expect. You have a history together. You've survived a few crises. You've quite literally learned to live with one another. This is the pay off phase and it can really be quite wonderful. However this stage doesn't come after a few short weeks or even a few months. It generally takes years to get here. Hang in there because it is well worth it.
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