Please Note: These
articles are copyright by Universal Psychic Guild and their
respective authors. You may not use these articles for any
purposes without the express written permission of Universal
Psychic Guild or their author.
Just as there are four stage of getting into a relationship, there appears to be four stages of recovering from a major break up in relationships.
Major breakdowns in relationships are de-facto and marriages that are in the process of terminating. Also included are long-term dating relationships such as boyfriend and girlfriend such as continuous dating six months or more.
The time frames listed below in each stage are approximate and will vary a little from individual to individual. For those that experienced a loss of a parent as a child through the early death or those from a broken home are likely to take longer to negotiate each stage.
STAGE ONE: The Tearing Apart
DURATION: From beginning of breakup up until Two Months is considered reasonable.
One of the difficult parts of breaking up is getting through that first layer of sadness and loss without doubting your decision – assuming you made the decision to end the relationship. Do not misinterpret the pain you’re feeling as a sign that you did something wrong when you ended that relationship. It’s a natural part of the healing process.
During this phase it is normal to cry a lot, feel lost, hopeless or alone, lose your appetite, suffer sleep disruptions and even feel a constant pain or ache in your chest close to your heart area. You will understand where the term “A Broken Heart came from.” You are currently suffering with one. You are likely to notice that you are swamped with painful memories and find it difficult to get through each day. Unfortunately it is the nights that tend to be worse and long. If you are able to, it would be a good time to consider taking up a hobby or passion that you had previously forgone during your previous relationship. This includes taking a study of a new subject if you feel you will be able to study. During this time it is natural to worry that you will never find happiness again, to feel sorry for yourself and of course fantasize about your previous partner and happy days together. Whilst it is normal to wish to go to your previous partner’s residence or phone him or her up – it is considered unwise for two reasons. One it will prolong this phase and two you could be in danger in some type of legal action by your previous partner as a stalker.
The Tearing Apart is the hardest part of break ups. It feels like it will never end – but it will.
You can speed up the process by doing some of the following:
1. Let yourself cry and mourn as much as possible. The more you try to hold feelings in, the longer it will last.
2. Keep busy and spend time with friends and family and those who share similar interests. Schedule yourself in advance so you don’t find yourself sitting home alone and feeling miserable. However don’t forget you will still need some time alone to do some emotional work so you do not carry baggage from this relationship into any new ones in the future.
3. Take good care of your physical body. The better you physically feel, the more psychologically stable you will be. This means try to avoid the temptation to numb yourself with drugs, alcohol or heavy doses of sugar. They will only add to your sensitivity and depression.
4. Avoid see or taking with your former partner. As stated before – no matter how tempted you are to call or see your ex when you are feeling lonely, DON’T DO IT. It is one thing to discuss children you have between you – it is another to call just to say hello. Although you are likely to notice that even discussing your children with your ex-partner is still going to be difficult. By phoning to say hello the more you sill stay connected, the longer this stage of your recovery will take.
STAGE TWO: The Adjustment
DURATION: From Two Months until Six Months is considered reasonable.
You know when you have entered this stage when you actually start feeling good for a few days at as time. The most intense pain of the tearing apart is now behind you. You will now begin to re-form your personality and identity as a single person, start bonding with others, get your life back in some type of order and start to look ahead to the future.
During this phase you will be able to talk or think about your previous partner with feeling that you are going to burst into tears or become angry. You are likely to feel sad or cry less frequently – maybe once or twice a week instead of every day! You will start having fun again, and even begin noticing attractive people even if you are still not willing to start a new relationship. You are also likely to get a clear perspective on what went wrong in your previous relationship, which will give you a sense of hope about the future.
STAGE THREE: Healing
DURATION: From Six Months until a year is considered reasonable.
Stage Three sees your life start to become normal again. You may even become involved in a new relationship or at least even begin to feel that you are open to one. By now most of your business with your former partner is settled, or on the way to being settled in the case of divorce. You are healing the wounds and becoming whole again.
During this phase, you can talk with and about your former partner without getting upset, and even feel more positive about what has happened. You are likely to feel and look better than you have in a while, and have a sense of enthusiasm about your future. Your sadness or nostalgia for you ex may surface once every week or so, but passes quickly.
STAGE THREE: Recovery
DURATION: From 18 months up until Two Years is considered reasonable. However, anything up to Four years in the case of long term marriages such as those who were married for 20 years or more.
Special note: Some people will take longer due to childhood abandonment issues or because during the four stages there had been some type of contact with their former partner. In other words one person or both persons had not yet fully released the relationship.
Stage Four is a transitional stage in which you clear out any remaining pain from the previous relationships and firmly establish yourself in your new life. You no longer think of yourself as having just ended a relationship. By now, you have a new social structure around you – new friends, new love interests and new directions.
In this stage, you have hopefully adopted new habits and ways of behaving as a result of the previous mistakes and are ready to love and be loved again. People no longer ask you how are doing in a sympathetic voice.
In summary: We can take one year to five years to go through all the fours stages. It all depends on how willing you are to let go of the past, work through all your feelings for the purpose of healing them and receive the lessons from your experience.
|
