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Listed below are a number of certain behaviours that are death sentences to long term relationships. Most normal humans will tolerate them for a period of time but eventually it is a question of only when the partners in questions will separate and ended their relationship. It is never an If – but only when.
1. The Bedside Reformer Attitude
This behaviour above turns a de-facto or marriage into a life sentence in a corrective institution. A list of all partner’s sins requiring reform is often kept handy on what amounts to a mental ‘bedside table.’
Spoken statements run something along these lines: “I am doing everything I can to help you become a better and more effective person!”
Unspoken statements: “You are a walking disaster! I will show the world what a sterling character I am by showing you the error of your ways and you mean even learn to balance the bank account.”
Result: Break-up at its worst; smouldering resentment at best. The time for training human personality should have bended back in childhood so the would-be reformer is light-years too late. Also who gave Partner A the divine right to decided what is wrong with Partner B anyway? Also you are suppose to love your partner for whom they are today – now. Your relationship is not suppose to be a rescue mission.
2. The Rushing Off to the Altar Attitude
This one belongs to those who are getting legally married only because it involves legal paperwork being filled out.
This one thinks of wedding bells at the blink of an interested eye. The march to the altar turns into a sprint.
Spoken statements run something along these lines: “It is love at first sight, wasn’t it? – Groom to the bride. Let’s get married right away – as soon as possible.”
Unspoken statements: “I better get the ring on her finger fast before she finds out what a loser I am.” Or:
“I better get the ring on her finger fast so I can stay in the country and not get deported.”
Result: Rude awakening. Each partner is marrying someone they really do not know and one partner may have a totally different agenda to the other. When continued living together comes through, the true personality beneath both individual may be incompatible. Whirlwind marriages based on brief acquaintances allow no cooling-off period between the thought of the marriage contract and its signature.
The above DO NOT APPLY TO ARRANGED MARRIAGES as both spouses are checked out by both set of parents even before the couple met and therefore compatibility of personality is therefore more assured.
3. The Meal Ticket Collector Attitude
This one looks at the idea of having a partner as a business investment, toting up financial assets and liabilities with the detail of a computerized accountant.
Spoken statements: “Whoever came up with the statement that two can live just as cheaply as one is a silly person.”
Unspoken statements: “This looks good. I need someone to support me because I can’t (or won’t) do it for myself.
Result: You have a person who is either unwilling or cannot keep down a job and therefore you are in danger of being in a relationship that becomes too one-sided, too cold-blooded. Arguments about money quickly rap apart whatever remnants of genuine feeling may have existed.
4. The One-Upmanship Attitude
This one likes to keep up with the proverbial Joneses. Other people’s households are viewed as competing images of success.
Spoken statements: “It is only natural to want the best for your family”. Whilst it may be natural, sometimes in life we need to cut our cloth according to the amount of material available. In other words live within a budget.
Unspoken statements: “I measure my personal work by my material assets. If you cannot give me more than our neighbours have, you are not worth a cracker!”
Result: Pressure cooker situation here. Over stress on material gain with love tied to the wallet. The both of you could be heading to the bankruptcy court. Partners on the receiving end of Mr or M/s spend-alcoholic are likely to get sick of this behaviour of end the relationship hopefully before they become bankrupt by the other’s behaviour.
5. The Finders-Keepers Attitude
This one works on the principle that once a partner is found, that he or she is expected to stay forever regardless of the bad behaviour the other partner dishes out. This can be just sloppy habits, plain bad manners to ill temper and even physical/verbal abusive in a small number of cases.
Spoken statements: “If you cannot be really yourself in your own home, where can you?”
Unspoken statements: “Now that I have got you where I want you, to hell with the frills. You are not worth taking any trouble anyway?” Besides mummy/daddy put up with this behaviour and never left.”
Result: Both partners are likely to end up as ‘loser-weepers.” The don’t care partner creates a retaliatory don’t care response from the other. Both feel undermined, unappreciated and feel that they did not get what they bargain for when they entered the live-in arrangement.
6. The Victim Mentality Attitude
This one is usually when one person in the relationship life has never gone accordingly to plan and it is never their fault. It is almost, their parents, government, ex partner and you are on their next hit list.
Spoken statements: “It not my fault that I never got a proper education that I can hold down a job”
Unspoken statements: “It is your responsibility to keep me and look after all my household needs. I do not expect to do any housework either”
Result: The partner that is almost being emotionally or financially supportive of the other can feel used and eventually loses patience with the other and often ends up leaving. The so-called victim feels hard done by and will run down Partner A to anyone who is within listening range. |
