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So you do think this could happen to you?? Well it could! In fact during a person lifetime you have a 20% change of coming across one of these characters. So who are they?
That so-call Single Man who turns out to be married.
Meet Connie and her story on Pg 280 to 284 in "101 Lies Men Tells Women and Why Women Believe Them" by Dr. Dory Hollander. It turns out to be Lenny in her case. However being married is only the start of the problems. The full picture he turns out to be a married embezzler running from the law. That why he falls under the category of an extraordinary liar rather than just the run of the mill variety.
Then there is The Con Artist.
Meet Marisa on Pg 285 to 290 in the same book and hear her story. Her 18 months relationship with Saul left her $105,000 poorer. He was suppose to be a successful business who in truth turned out to be a bankrupt with a history of taking money from unsuspecting women and then disappearing into the night.
Now here two guys who made the Evening News and did get caught out and spent time in jail for their misdeeds.
One Man Four Wives
Vernon Pierce 33, of Phoenix, AZ is the man who married four women in three states. He was sentenced to five months in jail after pleading guilty to bigamy in late April 1995.
Pierce had to make notes to himself to keep his stories straight during his marriages. He reportedly told his wives that he was a salesman, model, or engineer - all jobs that kept him on the go and out on the road. In reality, he was unemployed. Police said he lived off his wives and other women he dated.
Pierce was caught after two of his wives found out about each other and went to police in Glendale, a suburb of Phoenix.
Pierce married his first wife, LaDranda, in 1989 and separated from her in 1991. Without getting a divorce, he married a California woman and two other ladies in Arizona and Nevada. He lived at various times with the three women, who believed his work kept him on the road.
The other wives were Charmaine Whalen, 23, of California and Jamillah Thompson, 21, of Phoenix.
In 1993 Beau Bridges played Dr. Norman Grayson who was a very successful surgeon but also a polygamist. This became a T.V. Movie in a series of 10 episodes called: The Man with Three Wives. This T.V. show was based on a true story.
Then there is even the more deadly version of an Extraordinary Lair.
Meet Craig Mitchell, a police officer who instead of upholding the law as busy breaking it by dealing in stolen goods along with organizing his wife murder. This was also made in a T.V. movie called "The Girl Next Door" 1998.
These ideas can equally be applied to women, because Extraordinary Liars applies to either sex because even though this book is called "101 Lies Men Tells Women and Why Women Believe Them." Dr. Dory Hollander does introduce us to the female version as in Jessica, along with the Masks that women wear in hiding their true selves from the men in their lives. In effect the lies we tell ourselves that often allow us to ignore warning signs.
So how do we prevent this from happening to ourselves:
By looking for some clues. So how do we tell when someone is lying to us?
A Private Investigator who appeared on the Dr. Phil show gave us these ideas of what to look for when anyone is attempting to pull the wool over your eyes.
They are as follows:
1. Eyes are either darting around or there is intense eye contact with you.
2. Shrugs shoulders
3. Touches nose.
4. Fidgeting.
5. Breathes through the mouth.
6. Answers question that is not even asked in the first place.
7. Over emphasis some details.
8. Pitch in voice changes.
However pegging out those Extraordinary Lairs there are many more clues to look out for and keep in mind.
They are as follows:
A Checklist for Pegging the Extraordinary Liar.
1) Does he/she lie even when there's no apparent reason to lie or has nothing to gain from the lie?
2) Always ready to lie as a natural knee-jerk reaction, rather than planning the lie?
3) Their self-worth rise and fall on other people's perceptions of him/her?
4) Have you caught this person consistently lying over a period of time?
5) Does he/she lie as much about the trivial aspects of life as about the big ones?
6) Did you notice that this person lied about two or three small things at your first or second meeting?
7) Does he/she set up your expectations with enticing promises but fail to deliver, time after time?
8) Has he/she structured his life and his time so they don‘¦t have to be accountable to you or others in authority?
9) Does he/she show a consistent pattern of exaggeration or creative embellishment as if reality is never enough?
10) Does he/she fictionalize accounts of events even where you were present and know it didn't go down that way?
11) Does he/she always have a ready answer that gets her/him off the hook or excuses them?
12) Does he/she fabricate tall tales about his past, occupation, finances and sometimes wind up believing them themselves?
13) Does he/she make a point of guarding their privacy, keeping secrets and giving you very little information, or giving you information only on a need-to-know basis?
14) Does he/she show an insatiable need for approval and praise?
15) Does he/she brag about material possessions well beyond their actual worth?
16) Does he/she offer fantastic excuses for even small infractions?
17) Does he/she show little remorse or empathy for the past or current victims of their lies or schemes?
18) Does he/she keep the various parts of their life partitioned off from one another, so you don't see their friends, co-workers or family?
19) Does he/she feign major or frequent illness or disease in order to be taken care of or get sympathy?
20) Does he/she have one specialty that he lies frequently about, like money, other partners, the price of his clothing, how they spends their time or business dealings?
21) Does he/she have a history of antisocial behaviour that includes two or more of the following: cheating on exams, taxes or applications; violating professional ethics; repeated pattern of traffic violations or trouble with the law; shady business deals?
22) Does he/she habitually treat rules as if they apply to other people but not to themselves?
23) Does he/she come from a family where lying, cheating, or breaking the rules was the accepted norm?
24) Does he/she have a history of alcoholism, drug addictions, sexual addiction or workaholism?
25) Does everything in their world have to be perfect?
If you found yourself checking yes for more than four or give items, beware. The water feels tepid, but it could be just heating up.
Suppose you checked yes for six to nine items. Things are getting warmer, it's time to jump out of this relationship pot. If in doubt, hire a professional counselor and get a second opinion..
If you have checked yes for ten to fifteen items, this man's problems are fast becoming yours. The water is getting uncomfortably hot and you may need someone to pull you out.
If you have checked more than fifteen items you are in a relationship with this man you will be too exhausted by all his shenanigans to get out of you own, enlist the help of friends, family and professional in the community. You are worth it.
Here a story about a frog, possibly you. Thrown into a pot of boiling water, you (the frog) would immediately jump out and save yourself. However, put that same frog into a pot of cold water that is slowly heated up and it ends up getting cook to death. The same can apply to you if you stay in the relationship. Your medical, physical and financial health is likely to suffer.
Your best strategy is to stay alert and know what to look for early, before the water begins to gradually heat up. That way you can jump out of the pot before you, like the unfortunate frog, get cooked. |
