Are you satisfied with your communication techniques?
Do you feel your message gets across and is being understood?
Do people perceive your information in the manner it’s intended to be heard?
Connection or Confusion
Are you connecting with your listener? Or are they trying to figure out what you’re talking about. Be careful to finish your sentences, don’t assume they know what you are talking about; the chances are they will not. Especially if you are talking to a man because they’re not good at guessing games, they need you to spell it out and say exactly what you mean for them to get it. This is one of the major differences between men and women because women can quite often finish each other’s sentences and know exactly what each other are saying without them even having to finish the sentence.
The other way to connect with the person you’re talking to is to make sure it’s an even and balanced conversation between you without one hogging the conversation, with one speaking and the other listening. Unless you can engage the other person in the conversation you’re not going to have a good connection. Also, don’t drag your words out so you have thinking time to hog the conversation and move it into another direction before your partner has a chance to comment. People who do this are conversation hoggers and they like the sound of their own voice. It might be satisfying for them but it certainly isn’t very interesting for the person they’re communicating with.
Cultural Differences
Even if you are a great communicator you can come unstuck when you’re dealing with different cultures. What is understood in one culture could be and most likely will be completely different in another culture therefore it will mean something very different to your intended message. Some cultures such as India structure their romances and friendships on class, while other cultures will structure relationships on personality and appearance. The words you use can have different meanings and you can offend someone without even knowing it. Even having eye contact can be insulting to some cultures like Indonesia who considers direct eye contact to the elders to be disrespectful. So if you are planning to communicate with people of different cultures you better brush up on a few basic communication rules for that culture.
Excuses, Excuses
Oh no, you just said something and it came out all wrong and now you can’t take it back so what are you going to do to try and make it all ok again. Maybe if you could make an excuse, you could undo some of the damage, they wouldn’t view you so harshly, and you would feel better. This can work and can be very effective, but be careful because some excuses can only get you deeper into hot water. Sometimes the more you say the worse it gets. So here’s what you do to avoid further uncomfortableness when you need to use an excuse; Firstly make sure you take responsibility for your actions, don’t blame others as this is only going to make you look worse. Then if necessary or appropriate say sorry and if it’s to do with something you did or didn’t do then offer reassurance that it won’t happen again. So an excuse can work but sometimes a simple honest sorry with no excuses is better than anything and then let time heal and forget the incident.
Listen Between the Lines
Listening is the most important communication skill you can master. Even more important than speaking because it depends on how good a listener you are as to what you will say back to the person you are communicating with. The more effective your listening skills are, the more you will learn about the person you’re communicating with. Once you show them you are genuinely interested in what they’re saying and in them as a person you will be well on your way to winning their hearts.
What Is He Really Saying
Are you just sitting back and not really listening or are you really listening and understanding what they‘re saying and actively evaluating the communication. There is a difference between hearing and really understanding. Hearing is a passive process and listening is being active in the communication. Listening is about listening to the verbal communication as well as the non-verbal signs. Also it’s about being present and focusing on what the other person is saying instead of being concerned about what you are going to say back. When all of these areas of communication are taken into account you’ll have a better chance of understanding what they’re really saying.
Selective Listening
Selective listening is about hearing only what you want to hear. It’s in the early stages of flirting and dating that a guy/gal tells us really what he/she is like, and what is important to him. It’s also here that the girl chooses to only hear the parts she wants to hear. If a guy/gal is telling you that he/she is a confirmed bachelor then really they are confirmed bachelors. So don’t be disappointed 18 months down the track when he seems reluctant to make the relationship more secure. What happens is when you first meet someone you can get infatuated and even though the guy/gal is telling you he/she is a confirmed bachelor/ette they’re also being so sweet, nice and loving and caring. This is where you get the wrong impression and choose to hear only what you want to hear, the sweet, nice, caring and loving side of him. But really, men are very basic. Remember one of the top things on his mind is when can he/she gets you into bed and then if he/she tells you they are single forever, then at least they’re being honest. Men generally don’t go about giving double messages, they’re not that cunning, and they usually mean what they say. It’s the girls who read the wrong messages and get them all mixed up.
Sacred Silence
Silence is one of the most powerful forms of listening. When you are silent you let the other person know that you’re intently listening to them, it also allows them to say what they want to say without being interrupted. This makes them feel worthy, understood and that you’re interested in them. Silence can be an indication of shyness and a fear of rejection in case you say something that sounds silly. Use silence to get over nervousness by listening intently to the other person and then respond to what they’re saying.
