By Jennifer Angel

DATING - STAGE TWO
IS IT TIME TO GET COMFORTABLE?

Get comfortable
But not too comfortable! This is not a time to sit back and relax. Yes, it’s a nice feeling to feel totally comfortable with someone. Stage one of a relationship when you start dating is exhilarating, with anticipation, and stage two is interesting and exciting but this easy comfortableness between you is much better – that’s if you can maintain it!

Danger, danger! Be alert, don’t let the passion slip away, or without you noticing that gorgeous guy or gal might just slip away too.

Here’s what you do. Remember those nice little cards you used to send and the surprise romantic dinners, and the little text messages just to say you loved him or her. This is not the time to stop all that romantic stuff. Remember, the little things you loved about them and how you made them feel so very special, well, write these down in a journal and never stop doing them. You want them to feel special, always, not just in the beginning.

Be independent!
There are exceptions, but generally men like females who have a life of their own, an females almost always love men to have an independent life. Now this can mean that you go out with friends once a week or go to an exercise class without him or her. Alternatively, it may be that you have a career and are very ambitious. You’ll be attracted to the person who provides you with the correct balance, but whatever that balance of independence is, don’t give up your life for your new girl or guy. When you totally live their life, they can feel responsible for you and this is a heavy load for anyone to carry. Have your own interests and keep them, you’re going to be far more interesting as well as more happier and more satisfied with a full life.

Stroke their ego.
Yes stroke his or her ego, tell them how good they are, tell them how proud you are, and don’t forget to say how much you love them, not just one a month, daily! Don’t just say the words; tell him or her why you love them, every little detail. Write these down in a journal and pull them out when they do something annoying you so you can focus on the positive aspects and not the negative ones. Men and women both feel vulnerable and sensitive and you can make your partner feel more comfortable by making that extra effort.

Look after him or her.
Be good to him or her and they will be good to you. Do the things you know make them happy, go the extra mile to put a smile on their face – it will be appreciated. If your partner has something special happening, then see if you can help to make it extra memorable for them. If they have good news, help them celebrate. If they have bad news, be consoling, and do something nice to make them feel better – it will show that you care. Everyone loves to be spoilt, loved, nurtured and looked after now and again and your guy or girl is no different.

Forget the gossip.
For women, Bob Berkowitz, in his book, ‘What Men Won’t Tell You But Women Need To Know’, calls this the Code of Silence. Women have a need to tell, share, gossip with their friends about their guy, what he did and didn’t do, and what he said and didn’t say, and so on. Men have a need for women not to share their personal stuff with anyone else – in their minds, it’s private and that’s the way it should stay. This is a tricky area because women get answers and clarity by sharing and talking to others and men feel violated when they do. Then they close down and loose that mutual trust between two people, which is so very important in a relationship. It’s vitally important that women do not share intimate details of their guy with anyone else – this is a deal breaker. You can share some things but not all, and it’s a good idea to think about what you’re going to share and what you’re not going to share before you get together with your friends so it just doesn’t all blurt out at once. Extra care should be taken to keep the ‘code of silence’ as this is a potentially dangerous area for relationships, and one, which can break down the relationship over time.

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