The Journey.
A relationship is a journey and the stages are forever changing. Try to enjoy each stage of the journey for what it is. Whether it’s a flirtatious fling or a relationship that lasts the distance all the way to a commitment it will give you an opportunity to gain enormous amounts of personal growth. Relationships can push you out of your comfort zone and when they do, you experience inner growth and awareness you never thought possible.
You’ve arrived.
Not always, but as a general rule, females arrive at the commitment stage much sooner than males. And for some, the biological clock starts ticking faster so it’s only natural for the female to be more conscious of commitment and the future. Some men just cannot be pushed, cajoled or sweet talked into moving into a commitment sooner than they want. If you love him and want to keep him, you may just need to wait for him to catch up. Alternatively, you can put a time limit on your relationship and let your guy know that you will give the relationship ex amount of time to reach the commitment stage. Of course, you are already there so you are really just giving him time to catch up. This way you give the relationship a chance but you don’t leave yourself short of what is really important to you either.
Commitment phobia.
Sometimes, this can come from men who have been married before and they are reluctant to go down that road again, and of curse women can also be commitment phobic, not wanting to give up their freedom. If it was a difficult break-up where he lost everything financially and he hardly ever sees his kids, who can blame him. It’s natural that he would be cautious and not want to rush into another full time commitment whether it’s marriage or living together. Some people are sure that everything, (meaning you) is going to change the minute you get that ring on your finger and then they will be trapped in a binding relationship for life. A plain old relationship is much easier to get out off if things don’t go so well. Relationships are rarely the number one area of life for a male, it’s generally his work or it can be sport and the relationship comes down the track a bit, but hopefully not too far down. They don’t see the need to make that big decision. It can be a scary prospect for a guy. Also, the thought of not being able to have sex with another woman for the rest of his life, that’s also a big one for a guy. Now it’s not that he may want to have sex with anyone else, but he likes to keep his options open and he sees commitment as taking that and many other options away.
Look at what he or she does and not what they say.
You want to talk about the big C word and he or she is saying, why change things, it’s great as it is. Not all may be lost. You need to take less notice of their words and have a look at what they do. For instance is he/she moving you into their place, are you sharing every minute of your time together, is he/she including you in all areas of their life and decisions. Are they showing you many other ways that they are committed to you?
Heart-to-heart.
Firstly, ask yourself how important that signed piece of paper is you, is the act of commitment enough or do you need to have that final act of marriage that shows you and the rest of the world that you are tied together for better or worse. If you do, have a heart to heart with your guy. Let him know, ever so gently, and in plain English that you need to have the whole marriage thing and find out what it is that would make it ok for him to say yes.
Maybe you can make some compromises. If they’ve been married before, then a pre-nuptial agreement may make them feel more comfortable. If they’re worried about losing their independence then perhaps they need to be reassured that this won’t happen. Maybe they’re worried about losing private time and you’re going to take over their life, if so, make arrangements so this won’t happen. Whatever it is, realize that you will need to do some compromising to get what you want. Then every moment with your beloved is a moment to learn how to love him or her for who they are to grow and love together.
