By Jennifer Angel

Are You Being Heard

Are you satisfied with your communication techniques? Do you feel that your message gets across and is understood? Is the person you’re talking to perceiving your information in the manner you intend it to be heard?

Connection or Confusion

Are you connecting with your listener? Or, are they trying to figure out what you’re talking about. Be careful to finish your sentences, don’t assume they know what you are talking about; chances are, they don’t. Especially if you are talking to a man because they’re not good at guessing games, they need you to spell it out and say exactly what you mean. This is one of the major differences between men and women because women can quite often finish each other’s sentences and know exactly what each other are saying without having to finish the sentence.

The other way to connect with the person you’re talking to is to make sure it’s an even and balanced conversation between you without one hogging the discussion and the other listening. Unless you can engage the other person in the conversation, you’re not going to have a good connection. Also, don’t drag your words out so you have thinking time to hog the conversation and move it into another direction before your partner has a chance to comment. People who do this are conversation hoggers who like the sound of their own voice. It might be satisfying for them, but it certainly isn’t very interesting for the person they’re communicating with.

Address Cultural Differences

Even if you are a great communicator, you can come unstuck when dealing with different cultures. What is understood in one culture could be and most likely will be completely different in another culture; therefore, it will mean something very different to your intended message. Some cultures, such as in India, structure their romances and friendships on class, while other cultures will structure relationships on personality and appearance. The words you use can have different meanings and you can offend someone without being aware. Even having eye contact can be insulting to some cultures, like Indonesia, who considers direct eye contact to the elders to be disrespectful. If you are planning to communicate with people of different cultures, you had better brush up on a few basic communication rules being leaving home.

Excuses, Excuses

Oh no, you just said something and it came out all wrong and now you can’t take it back so what are you going to do to try and make it all ok again. Maybe if you could make an excuse of some type you could undo some of the damage, maybe. This can work and be very effective, but be careful, because some excuses can only get you deeper into hot water. Sometimes, the more you say the worse it gets. So, here’s what you do to avoid further un-comfortableness when you need to use an excuse. Firstly, make sure you take responsibility for your actions; don’t blame others as this is only going to make you look worse. Then, if necessary or appropriate, say sorry and if it’s to do with something you did or didn’t do then offer reassurance that it won’t happen again. An excuse can work, but sometimes a simple honest sorry with no excuses is best, and then let time heal and forget the incident.

Listen Between the Lines

Listening is the most important communication skill you can master. Even more important than speaking because it depends on how good a listener you are as to what you will say back to the person you are communicating with. The more effective your listening skills are, the more you will learn about the person you’re talking to. Once you show that you are genuinely interested in what they’re saying and in them as a person, you will be well on your way to winning their hearts.

What Is He or She Really Saying

Are you just sitting back and not really listening or are you really listening and understanding what they‘re saying and actively evaluating the communication. There is a difference between hearing and really understanding. Hearing is a passive process and listening is being active in the communication. Listening is about listening to the verbal communication as well as the non-verbal signs. It’s about being present and focusing on what the other person is saying, instead of being concerned about what you are going to say back. When all of these areas of communication are taken into account, you’ll have a better chance of understanding what someone is really saying.

Selective Listening

Selective listening is about hearing only what you want to hear. It’s in the early stages of flirting and dating process that a person tells you really what they like and what’s important to them. Most people ignore these subtle signs. If a guy is telling you that he is a confirmed bachelor, then really, he is a confirmed bachelor, so don’t be disappointed 18 months down the track when he seems reluctant to make the relationship more secure. What happens, is when you first meet someone you can get infatuated and even though the guy is telling you he is a confirmed bachelor he’s also being so sweet, nice, loving and caring. This is where you get the wrong impression and choose to hear only what you want to hear, the sweet, nice, caring and loving side of him (or her). But really, men are very basic. Remember one of the top things on his mind is when can he get you into bed and then if he tells you he is a confirmed bachelor, he feels he’s being honest. Men generally don’t go about giving double messages, they’re not that cunning, and they usually mean what they say. It’s the girls who read the wrong messages and get them all mixed up.

Sacred Silence

Silence is one of the most powerful forms of listening. When you are silent, you let the other person know that you’re intently listening to them, it also allows them to say what they want to say without being interrupted. This makes them feel worthy, understood and that you’re interested in them. Silence can also mean that they are shy, or have a fear of rejection, or feel embarrassed if they say something silly. Use silence to get over nervousness by listening intently to the other person and then respond to what they’re saying. Happy Listening!

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