By Jennifer Angel

We’ve all had an angry moment, and sometimes it can lead to breaking up, if only momentarily, but how destructive is your anger? Not all anger is destructive; in–fact anger is an extremely valuable emotion. You need it for your survival as it gives you the energy and strength to ward of pending danger. When it’s applied in a relationship it can teach you about yourself and others, and it’s the making up that can be very therapeutic.

It’s the misuse of anger in relationships that causes the damage – physical and emotional damage. The physical damage is easy to see, but it’s the emotional damage of suppressed anger that can leave the real wounds. Keeping resentments, grudges and feelings of hatred in your heart is not hurting anyone but yourself. It can be debilitating on many levels changing you from a loving open person to being closed and angry, which can result in a miserable and sad life. Research shows that unexpressed anger can result in such illnesses as hypertension, depression and high blood pressure. Hardly seems worth it does it?

There are ways to control anger is to learn how to express yourself in an assertive way. The Introduction of relaxation processes has been documented to be helpful, as well as keeping a regular exercise program. The ability to forgive and forget is the strongest form of healing and way to heal a hurt heart. Healthy happy people tend not to take themselves too seriously, and seem to go more with the flow of life. However, if you feel your anger is totally out of control, then perhaps you need some serious counseling help from a professional. It’s all about self development; don’t delay in getting help if it’s needed.

In a romantic relationship, it’s normal for couples to disagree, argue and even clash. In fact, it’s during these times that allow you to get to know those who are closest to you just that little bit better. Of course, you do need a good level of compatibility for a relationship to work, but if everyone was the same, it would probably end up being pretty boring. However, when you do experience hic–cups in your relationships, it’s important to learn how to say sorry and move on so that you’re not holding grudges or resentments that can resurface at a later time.

Here are some tips to help you learn to ask for forgiveness so your relationship will heal and you can put the upset behind you.

Forgive

To apologize genuinely for something you’ve done, you should know how to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for your slip–up first. Once you have forgiven yourself then it’s time to ask for forgiveness. Come clean about what you did wrong and say you’re sorry. Don’t skip around the problem, just be clear–cut.

Listen

Take note to your sweetheart’s reaction. Your request for forgiveness may be the first time you and your partner have talked about the matter in a helpful way. Tune in and listen to what the other person has to say to you without interrupting. There might be an angry outburst, there might be some upset, and there might be anger. Allow it to come out, but listen and learn.

Acknowledge

Recognize that you were wrong. Purely saying “I’m sorry” isn’t going to cut it now that you’re an adult. Take responsibility for what you did or said and understand that it was hurtful. You may be forgiven much more rapidly if you simply acknowledge your mistake and apologize for your hurtful behavior.

Space

Understand that you might have to give your partner some breathing space. By allowing him or her time to reflect about your apology you are letting them know that you recognize that what you did was wrong and you will be showing a sign of respect by not bothering them until they are ready to come to terms with what has happened. Continuous pestering is usually a sign that you aren’t sincere and want a quick penance so you can stop dwelling on it. When and if they are prepared to let you back in, they will.

No one is perfect; we all make mistakes! An apology acknowledges the fault and asks for forgiveness. Whether for little oversights or major hurts, sincere apologies make it possible for relationships to heal and carry on.

HAPPY LOVING!

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