Getting to know him/her.
Now you’re onto the 2nd, 3rd 4th and 5th date. The getting to know you stage, I call the curiosity stage because you want to know everything about each other. Once again, keep your eye on the non-verbal communication signs. Become very good at reading these signs and if you take notice of them it will give you a head start and extra knowledge as to where your guy or girl is at and how they feel. How close does he/she sit to you, are they a touchy feely type of person, do they connect with you when they look at you, are they fidgety and nervous. Is he/she silent enough so you can talk too or does he/she fill every space with chatter about me, me, me and doesn’t seem interested in you. This is a big tell tale sign about their ego and if it is going to take first place in the relationship.
This curiosity stage is where you’ll find out a lot about each other. Stay level-headed and look for the signs. Also this is not a time to drink alcohol, as you really want to have all your wits about you during this stage of the relationship so if you do like to have a glass of wine be careful not to overdo it, otherwise you can blow it. There is nothing worse than a drunken date!
There are many signs to look for and another one is what he/she is saying. Listen carefully to what they say as this will give you a good idea of who he/she is and what they wants out of life. For instance, they may that they are independent and like to spend time alone, which means they don’t want to be with you every moment of the day, which could be a good or bad thing, depending on your preference. Just because he/she is spending time with you right now doesn’t mean that they are going to be one of those people who want to do everything with you. Warning! Don’t get so carried away with the moment that you don’t hear the words. In addition, if they say they don’t know if they want children, then there’s a good chance that they may not. Men usually tell us in this curiosity phase what they’re all about, it’s just that women are all gussy with the love bug that we miss the subtle signs. And don’t think that you can change him as time goes on, as this is fraught with problems. People don’t change unless, THEY want to.
This is your big chance to get to know everything you can about your date. It’s expected that you will ask 101 questions and that’s just what you should do. However, make sure he or she doesn’t feel like you’re drilling them. The best way to do this is to ask open-ended questions, not closed questions. Open questions require answers, which are more explanatory where as closed questions only require a short answer or a yes or no answer. Start your questions with: why do you, or how do you feel about, type of questions.
Next, make sure you have questions ready so you don’t just sit there like a dummy. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and it’s very flattering when someone is interested enough to ask you about yourself. It shows you’re interested in their opinions..
Take this opportunity to build a friendship and from here, you can become lovers. This way you’ll have a strong bond to progress with. Also, use this time to ask them what they want out of a relationship. If you tackle this now it may save you a lot of heartache later on. He/She may be an independent person who really doesn’t see themselves in a committed relationship. Well that may be ok for you, but if it’s commitment you’re after then continually may not be a smart idea. Don’t forget to ask the question about families, does he/she want children or not, this is a big one to clear up if you are the maternal type. You don’t want to get years down the track and find out that they’re not the settling down type and kids are not on their agenda when it’s a top priority for you.
Ok, now for the questions.
You can ask things about family: where they live, is he/she close to them, how many brothers and sisters, what they do and so on. You can go further into his/her work and business life, what are their ambitions and goals. Let’s not forget interests, and how they like to spend their time. What about friends and how often does he/she see them, does he/she have a regular Friday night at the pub with his work mates or gal pals, or Saturday with the boys at the footy or the girls out to the theatre. What about holidays, is he/she a well-travelled person or does he/she not like to go out of their backyard. Of course, if you’re game you can always tackle the religion or politics question, but be careful here, especially if you have strong views. However, if you do have strong views on these matters and it’s important to you that your partner shares your views then it’s best to gain clarification on these questions sooner rather than later. If your views are not simular in these areas, it could be a showstopper.
Even though you’re trying to get as much information about your date, try not to tell him/her everything about yourself in the first week or the first few dates. Leave something for later. Being a little complex can be attracted and interesting. Don’t be an open book; let him/her be amazed at your uniqueness bit by bit. Spend time concentrating on them instead.
Nice girl approval.
All right, I know you want their approval and you are trying to be as nice as you possibly can, but really this is the time to be yourself. I can’t say this enough. Yes, you can change if you really want to, but any changes should be because you want to change not because you think they want you to. If you are not being yourself then you’re only leading him or her into an illusion. Eventually they are going to see the real you any way, and that’s usually around the 3 month period so you might as well let them get to know the real you now. Anyway, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t love you for who you are? No matter who you are, you are a beautiful unique person worthy of love just because you are you.