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Deceased loved ones, meditation, and spirit guides

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I hope this isn't full of things people are tired of reading/answering! I find myself searching and reading things for hours, becoming overwhelmed, giving up and wishing I could just speak to real people about this. Soooo please forgive this brain regurgitation:


In the past few years I have had dreams of deceased loved ones that have left no doubt that they were communicating with me or wanting me to deliver a message. (and I did!) I have only been able to initiate contact once, when I was in deep pain after the loss of a friend. My friend fulfilled a very specific request via my dream that I had asked for while talking to him alone in my car earlier that day. All the other dreams were random. I love these dreams and would love to strengthen/expand this, if it can be done. (or is it just meant to be random?)


I have begun meditation (trying) and I often wonder if I'm doing it wrong. I have only felt kind of successful one time when trying, and something startled me and I "snapped" back. Then there are other times that it seems to just happen on its own. I don't even know if that's possible. My only chance to meditate is late at night when the kids are asleep. I have made my bed my comfort zone and am absolutely relaxed there. I seem to just drift into a meditative state without trying sometimes... but again, my lack of experience in this area leaves me wondering if it is truly meditation. (I can go into depth more if I need to)


Lastly, I have finally decided I want to learn about my spirit guides, but since a lot of the lingo is lost on me, I find myself in over my head when reading things. There isn't anyone I can speak to in person without judgement. Writing exercises would be hard for me since I am always in bed in the dark when meditating. (if there's a light on, there's a kid awake lol) I don't know how to prepare my mind to receive information about them. Or how to know it's "real" and not just my imagination.


I struggle with the fear of losing control or the unknown. It frustrates me that fear is getting in the way. I don't know how to push that aside and just dive in! I also worry that I'm trying too many things at once. Like, I'm sure I should work on meditation before ANY of these other things, but my excitement sometimes makes me impatient. I know I'm hindering my own growth. I feel like I'm stuck!

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It sounds like you are doing all of the right things!


I think that over time you will develop more confidence and trust in the things that you "see" and feel.


What occurred to me after understanding how busy you are, as we all are. is that all of us would benefit from better understanding "mindfulness" in our daily living which is so prevalently taught in some forms of Buddhism.


To me, that mindfulness is a constant state of being and "now-ness" which is in itself a meditative state.


Thank you for reminding me of this. You are my guru this day!

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