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My daughter suffers from severe anxiety. When she is working she has a lot less anxiety attacks. She is laid off right now and did procure another job but hasn't started yet as the lady she was to replace delayed her departure. My daughter called this morning saying that her anxiety attacks won't stop. She has been loosing her hair and dropping weight. I have advised her to see her doctor as whatever is wrong could be an easy fix. Thyroid issues come to mind as it runs in our family. She has an appointment at the end of the month that I hope she keeps. I told her to call her doctor and see if they can't see her sooner. She doesn't have medical insurance which is a huge drawback for her.

 

She also can't sleep and is always exhausted. She is suffering terribly. The exhaustion, anxiety, and the inability to sleep are not new. She has been battling these issues all her life. She was taking meds for anxiety but hates how they make her feel. I keep telling her that taking meds doesn't make her crazy. Nothing wrong with needing a little help.

 

Please if you can, sending healing and positive energies her way. It is breaking my heart to see her suffer. Thank you.

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VW, what exactly is causing your daughter's anxiety? What sort of situation or circumstances triggers it? Maybe some specific incident or person when she was younger has caused it? Nobody worries about everything. By pinpointing the exact cause, fear or nature of her worry, it will be easier to heal and remove.

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VW, what exactly is causing your daughter's anxiety? What sort of situation or circumstances triggers it? Maybe some specific incident or person when she was younger has caused it? Nobody worries about everything. By pinpointing the exact cause, fear or nature of her worry, it will be easier to heal and remove.

 

She hates to have to depend on anyone. While she loves her boyfriend and has been with him for a year now, she has always liked living alone. She was in low income housing and had a very nice apartment, but her boyfriend convinced her to move in with him. As I say, they have a great relationship and he is well off financially, but she feels trapped. She wants to pay her share. Every woman should have her own money and know that she can support herself if she chooses to do so. She was buying the groceries, but at the moment is unable to do so. Her boyfriend doesn't have a problem with her temporary unemployment. He wants her to work to help out but understands the position she is in. She wouldn't leave if she could. She only needs to know she can so that she doesn't feel trapped. I know exactly how she feels.

 

I can't see the woods for the trees when it comes to my daughter as I am too close to the situation. Yet I can't help feeling there is some dark energy that surrounds her. She has always been a bit of a wild child. She would binge drink as a teenager and young adult, had more sex than she should have, and was always high on marijuana. She does none of that now, but something dark has a grip on her.

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But when exactly did your daughter start having anxiety attacks - after she moved in with her current boyfriend or was she having them before that?

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But when exactly did your daughter start having anxiety attacks - after she moved in with her current boyfriend or was she having them before that?

 

She started having the panic/anxiety attacks shortly after she got married. She was on medication for four years but quit when she and her husband decided to have a baby. She left her husband a little over two years ago and lived on her own for over a year. Her daughter just turned three years old.

 

My daughter has had a pacemaker for the past ten years. I know her heart condition affects her health. She is 28 years old.

 

Sending calming energy her way.

 

Thank you. :wub:

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Hmm, so do you think it is commitment in love your daughter fears or loss of autonomy and independence? Does she have a tendency to attract control freaks?

 

All her 'wild child' youthful bingeing seems to have been about escape. Sure, those who travel alone through life may seem to have a kind of 'freedom' in the sense of having no one to answer to, few responsibilities, and fewer compromises to make. Commitment to a career or relationship can be frightening, because it can (seem to) mean forever - but then we can never be quite sure we’ve found the ‘perfect one’. But we also won't necessarily find freedom in isolation or running away, either. Does your daughter have a fear of being tied down? She seems to feel better on her own - is she staying with her partner because she feels obliged to for his sake or due to social pressures that tell women they need a partner to be 'normal'? She doesn't have to live with anyone if she really doesn't want to. Most of our stress and unhappiness comes from living a life that we don't want. From her present situation, your daughter seems to be giving out conflicting vibes to the universe about what she wants - she says she wants to be independent esp. financially, yet she is having trouble job-wise and thus no money is coming in and she must depend on her partner. But her lesson may simply be to learn that real independence doesn't have anything to do with leaning on other people when she needs some help and support. Many of us make the mistake of assuming independence is about controlling your situation and other people, but true independence is about controlling and freeing yourself (from fear) - just as true freedom doesn't involve doing whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it. The ultimate freedom is internal - the freedom to be yourself, the freedom from self-doubt, the freedom from fear. Only by establishing this internal sense of expansiveness can we ever feel the fulfillment of our destiny in the external world.

 

Once your daughter finds out what is really conflicting her, she can remove it and move forward without all this stress. It sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants, what truly makes her happy - she may just be accepting what society tells us we SHOULD want, without allowing for individual needs and desires. Perhaps the only person she is trying to escape is - herself. Maybe she needs to allow herself to love fully without fear of getting snagged or tied down.

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Hmm, so do you think it is commitment in love your daughter fears or loss of autonomy and independence? Does she have a tendency to attract control freaks?

 

Thank you, Captain. You time is much appreciated. :wub:

 

My daughter has broken up with boyfriends who have tried to control her. She can't be tied down.

 

For some reason my daughter has always felt my love for her was conditional. If she misbehaved as a child, she thought I wouldn't love her. She is a drop dead gorgeous woman who needs to be constantly reassured that she is beautiful. She has a generous compassionate heart and has always championed the underdog, which never made her very popular growing up. She was friends with those that others made fun of and cast aside. She once went to the prom with a lesbian girl who didn't have a date. She didn't care what her classmates thought of her. Her kindness overwhelms me. She doesn't see what she's worth. She needs men who pay constant attention to her. Yet they can never give enough. I get tired of constantly trying to reassure her. I get tired of the constant questions about her looks. "Is my hair okay." "Does my makeup look stupid?"

 

She is constantly bored. She was devastated when high school ended and her friends moved on. She doesn't read. While she is very creative and talented artistically, she can't be enticed to find a hobby or something to occupy her mind. While she loves her daughter, she finds taking care of her to be a bit too much. She complains that she has no time to herself even though her child's father is very active in his daughter's life. The parents share custody and my granddaughter spends equal time with both her parents. Yet my daughter feels dragged down and burdened with motherhood. She gets that honestly. I was very much like my daughter when she was growing up. Perhaps history is being repeated.

 

She has always said that she likes living alone. Yet she can't stand being alone. She lives in her boyfriend's house and it upsets her that she feels nothing is hers. Her daughter drew on the kitchen table with crayons and the boyfriend got upset. My daughter said she doesn't feel at home where she lives and constantly worries that she is nothing more than a bed mate, a cook, and housekeeper. She wouldn't leave if she could, but she feels trapped. Her boyfriend does all he can to make her feel wanted and loved. Her is great with her daughter and plays with her. His whole family embraces my daughter and her child and considers them their own. Yet she still feels like she is on the outside looking in.

 

It's my opinion that her problems won't go away till she learns to accept and love herself. I worry about how she will react when she sees her beauty fade. I remember how I felt when I was in my 30's and guys my age where eyeing up younger women. It only got worse the older I became. I have always felt my daughter gave sex to get love. We have that in common.

 

So perhaps, I hope, I have given you a better insight to my daughter. She is breaking my heart. I see so much of myself in my daughter. Perhaps it hurts so much because I know what she is going through. We live just a few miles a part and I hear from her and often see her every day. I don't know what she would do without me. While I would never leave my granddaughter, I often feel burdened in that not a day goes by that I am not working to reassure my daughter in some way. She can't take criticism. If I try to make her see the other side of the coin when she complains about her child's father, I am accused of taking his side. If she asks if I like her hair or her makeup or her clothes and I make a comment that doesn't suit her, she gets angry. She takes everything as an attack on her personal self.

 

I have to admit that I feel like I am writing this about my younger self. My daughter seems to be living my life, except I was never beautiful. I was teased and made fun of for my looks growing up. So it is hard for me to understand how such a beautiful young woman can feel as she does. I see the world as her oyster. All she need do is take the bull by the horns. Looks do count in this world. If you have the looks, use them. Wow! Did I just say that? I look back and see that I raised my son praising him for his intelligence. I praised my daughter for her looks. :(

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Just to add a little more insight... One thing that is a serious issue between my daughter and I is that she seems to crave victimhood. My philosophy is that if you have a problem, I will sit down with you and help you work out a path to a solution. When she b*tches, I ask what it would take to fix the problem. The next time she b*tches, I ask what steps she took towards a solution. She has every excuse in the book. Her father no longer speaks to me or comes to any family functions because he knows that if he opens his mouth that I will ask why he has not taken steps to fix whatever it is that he is complaining about. I'm not very popular with some family members. :rolleyes:

 

My daughter and I can be like oil and water when it comes to her constant neediness. I have issues of my own and don't need the burden of her issues. That is not to say that I will not help when there is a need she is not in control of, like her anxiety. I am always there for her, but I am not an enabler.

 

I do have good news to report. Last night my daughter called me saying that her panic attacks were overwhelming her and coming like waves. I psychically tuned in and was told to send her the energy vibration of a lotus flower. I also created an energy hologram of my hands cupped together and enlarged the hologram to cover her body. Then I programmed the hologram to perform healing emanation. A healing emanation awakens the body's natural healing abilities from within. Then I attuned her body to the energy vibration of Ativan (an anti anxiety drug) for four hours. I just got a call from my daughter saying she slept all night and feels quite well this morning. Yay!!!

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VW, it sounds like your daughter has a narcissistic personality - I know, because she sounds so much like my younger sister. Narcissists can be demanding and extremely hard to live with. They always need to have their way. And they are SO insecure about themselves. My sister is a human rights lawyer working for the UN, owns two houses, is wealthy, travels all over the world and has a very youthful attractive look about her. But she still feels the need to prove herself to her long-dead abusive father who told her every day she wasn't good enough. Her outer shell of self-centeredness, lack of empathy for anyone but herself, and self-absorption masks a weak fearful inner core of self-doubt. Even when she is at her most aggravating, though, I can see her pain and suffering - and her great fear that she is never going to be good enough, despite all her accomplishments. She has many unreasonable phobias. My family tell her she is loved so often but she doesn't ever believe it. Still, she has gradually mellowed as the years have passed (she's now in her forties though she thought she would never live past 30), and her tantrums and need for melodrama has lessened. She seems happier, though she fears losing her youth and looks. Woe betide us if we ever mentioned she has put on a little weight! Animals seem to give her great comfort, I guess because they give unconditional love without judgment. I doubt my sister will ever be able to live with anyone but family, who are the only ones who could put up with her nastiness and accusations that we are all (the world too) trying to rip her off.

 

Yet, when she is in a good mood, she can be fun, entertaining, and very charismatic. She has gradually responded as we changed our tactics with her - we take a stand with her now, citing calmly and quietly that we understand that she is punishing us for not making her young life happier or taking her away from her father, but that we won't permit her to treat us badly even so. Whereas in the past we just went along with her bad behaviour and agreed with her on everything since she cannot take criticism in any form (but especially about her appearance) in order to get some peace and quiet, it always backfired as she would become even worse. She saw her power over us and so her controlling tantrums just grew. Now we don't take it, but we don't get upset or angry either. We just stand up for our rights, and some part of her seems to appreciate this - like she wished she could have done it when she was being berated by her father for only getting an 'A' instead of an 'A plus' in exams. My father (I think he was also a narcissist) saw himself as a failure so he pushed his children to succeed where he hadn't and he was particularly hard on his youngest child as he grew older and more embittered. I know that my sister would benefit from talking with a therapist or counsellor and we have suggested it - but narcissists of course cannot deal with admitting they are wrong or need help, so they are the least likely person to seek professional therapy. So a family member has to become the stand-in psychologist.

 

Here's some tips -

 

Narcissists have low self-esteem and profound feelings of inadequacy. They need to make themselves feel better about themselves, which is why they can become sneaky and underminding of others - to make themselves feel superior (though they don't really believe that so they have to keep doing it). They may question your authority, love or honesty just to create mischief and drama. Once you recognize that they are coming from a place of insecurity, you can give them just enough reassurance to get them to settle down and focus on what needs to be done. Too much reassurance and you'll fan their egocentric flames, but the right amount will allow them to calm down and get to the task at hand. But narcissism is not an 'all-or-nothing' personality trait. Some situations may elicit your daughter’s insecurities more than others. For example, if she was turned down for a job she wanted very much and must continue to work with the person who got the job, her insecurity may only worsen with time, leading her to become defensively narcissistic, vindictive, and spiteful. It's important to remember though that the situation helped create the monster with whom you must now live. If you are dealing with a narcissist who derives pleasure from watching others suffer, then seeing the pain they cause will only egg them on to more aggressive counter-behavior. Don’t look ruffled, even if you’re feeling annoyed, and eventually that behavior will diminish in frequency. Furthermore, by keeping the previous tips in mind, you may be able to help ease the situation so things actually improve. Don’t let yourself get derailed. It’s easy to lose your own sense of purpose or goals when a narcissist tries to take centre stage. You don’t need to attend to everything your daughter says or does, no matter how much she clamors for your attention. And don't give in to her because you feel guilty that you may have created the monster in some way. Find the balance between moving ahead in the direction you want to pursue and alleviating your daughter's anxieties and insecurities. Keep your sense of humour. Calling a narcissist's bluff may mean that you ignore the person, but it might also mean that you meet that bluff with a laugh at least once in a while. Without being cruel about it, you can point to the inappropriateness of your daughter’s egocentric behavior with a smile or joke.

 

Good luck!

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VW, you haven't mentioned this so I have to ask: have you given your daughter reiki? I know from my own experience that energy healing can release some really old issues that are inside of us. However, it would also depend on her higher self.

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VW, it sounds like your daughter has a narcissistic personality...

 

That was quite the eye opener! I never would have considered a narcissistic personality. I have always been of the opinion that a narcissist was so wrapped up in himself/herself that they were... well... hollow inside. Perhaps that is exactly the case. :unsure:

 

The one thing that concerns me most is my daughter's wreckless behavior and total disregard for others. I refuse to ride in a car with her as during an argument she once slammed on her brakes! Forget about the fact that there were other cars on the road! Her three-year-old daughter was in the car with us!!!

 

I am very much like my daughter in a lot of ways. I have to admit I felt you were describing me more than my daughter. Two narcissists, how freaking wonderful. :blink:

 

My sincere thanks for the time and effort you put into your reply, the Captain. Much appreciated. I will indeed be putting a lot of thought into your advice and suggestions.

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Speaking of my parents, my daughter is heartbroken that my parents never took an active role in her life. It hurts her deeply that they don't seem to have any interest in their only great grandchild. I keep telling her that people do not always fit the role we assign to them. It took me seeing my parents as people with their own insecurities and problems to be able to disengage from them. That simple thing went a long way in enabling me to heal.

 

I am a very active grandparent, yet somehow my daughter feels I don't do enough. I don't mind helping out when there is a need and I love spending time with my granddaughter, but I raised my children and am enjoying my empty nest. I refuse to let my daughter dump her daughter on me. I am not an always-supposed-to-be-there-at-the-last-moment-when-you-want-me babysitter.

 

I have a friend who moved to another state to force her daughter to raise her own children. As much as I love my granddaughter, I think about it. I do.

 

So now I am feeling guilty for complaining about my daughter. Oh what the heck. She'll never read this. If she does, it's not me. I swear. Not me. :ninja:

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So now I am feeling guilty for complaining about my daughter.

 

You are allowed to complain!

 

Thank you for sharing the lotus visualisation.

 

I am glad things are improving, and sending extra light nonetheless. :angel: :angel: :angel:

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Hmm, so do you think it is commitment in love your daughter fears or loss of autonomy and independence? Does she have a tendency to attract control freaks?

 

 

Very insightful posts, captain -- a thoroughly good read.

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VW, narcissism and other mental/emotional problems get a bad rap, I feel, as if something is badly wrong with the person (and that is indeed how doctors treat them). But I feel it is the mind's natural protectiveness that kicks in to save the individual from some situation that is so traumatic to them that they would go crazy if it were not for this protection. I think they are the opposite of 'crazy'. For example, multiple personalities come about when the person experiences something so horrific to them that they feel they cannot handle it alone and split off into many different personalities who can 'share the burden'.

 

I remember a vivid memory I myself had under regression hypnosis when I recalled a past life during which I retreated into a coma because I simply couldn't take the pressures of life anymore. I needed to mentally 'get away from it all' and, while experiencing it again, I could feel how natural and logical a response it was to withdraw until I could deal with life better. In this coma, I was very aware of the people around me and any unkind words said by the doctors or nurses further convinced me to 'stay away' from a hurtful outer world. It was only a kind and gentle patient who made me want to come out of my inner world and live again in the 'real' world. But most doctors treat such people as damaged or ill, when really they are only doing the best thing to heal and protect themselves.

 

Similarly, narcissists are created by being made to feel inferior, unworthy, unwanted, and unloved by someone else. Perhaps the same people who made you feel bad - your parents - also helped create your daughter's narcissism through their lack of involvement with her. We can be so easily damaged when young. But the good news is by working your way through it, you have acquired some tools that can help your daughter too.

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VW, you haven't mentioned this so I have to ask: have you given your daughter reiki? I know from my own experience that energy healing can release some really old issues that are inside of us. However, it would also depend on her higher self.

 

Reiki works well in calming her anxiety attacks when they are happening. If I concentrate on sending reiki to heal the cause, she blocks me. I find that very frustrating. :(

 

You are allowed to complain!

 

Thank you for sharing the lotus visualisation.

 

I am glad things are improving, and sending extra light nonetheless. :angel: :angel: :angel:

 

Thank you. :wub:

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Funny you mention split personalities, Captain. Due to abuse as a child, I retreated and Jake took the reigns. He lived in my body. It was a struggle at times to keep him under control. At one point I questioned if I was transgender. Years down the road, Jacqueline decided she was ready to try to take her place in the world. She was scared and timid and realized she didn't have a clue as to who she was, so Jake helped her along and the two of them combined to become Jetty. One day Jacqueline realized Jetty no longer existed. What a day that was! I held a funeral for Jetty with a doll as a surrogate and she is buried in the backyard. I hope to write a book about my experience some day.

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