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SoundMindHZ

Metamorphasis

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For a long time, I have gone though many hardships with short lived happiness. Now as a cosmetologist I have finally found something I desire for once, but it is not providing the happiness I sought, nor the needs I was promised it would meet. I have become what seems like depression, I have been depressed before. Each time ended in a hospital bed hoping for death. This is different. I don't care about even that. Dreams and emotions have become more intense and vivid. I've had what most would call hallucinations and delusions just like my diagnosis says. I don't feel sad, mad, happy or much of anything. But when I do, the feelings are more intense yet, short lived. I have diagnosis of STPD. That is the reality of situation. But am I to assume I have finally gone mad and hit rock bottom or is this clarity something else? I seem to be alone in this matter, and have no one who understands what I'm going through who I can ask. I can be called ill but it does not seem that way nor do I find it as a displeasure rather I feel free if anything at all. Is that an illness? I've heard of ego death but is this that? Does anybody know anything, have any experience or willing to provide wisdom? I am lost for once, I had my sorrow to keep me moving before and my goals to attain happiness but now it seems so meaningless. The only thing that causes me turmoil right now is lack of being able to understand this. I lack the skill or wisdom to say it's nirvana or I need to take anti psychotics.

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You need to see your doctor. Tell them how you are feeling. The doctor alone can advise you on whether you need to go back on medication.

 

 

 

The cosmetology was not a mistake, and you will combine this with other work.

 

Have you thought of doing stage make up?

 

I see you around celebreties in the future!

 

We care, but people who are going through this will understand more. Ask your doctor about therapy but also abou support groups.

 

angel.gif Don't seek out groups who will attribute this to something else.angel.gif

 

It is your illness and you are doing amazingly well to spot the early signs and take the medical advice from experienced health professionals. angel.gif

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I lack the skill or wisdom to say it's nirvana or I need to take anti psychotics.

 

I am sorry I didn't see this sooner.

 

Angel is right -- speak to a therapist or doctor first.

 

You are a brave young person ... facing our emotions is a challenge. And you are right too ... it is about metamorphosis: a HUGE change. Don't try to control it -- jump in and let it take you where it will.

 

I love the idea of you working for film or television with your cosmetology skills.

 

Sending you hope and joy. :wub:

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How are you doing? I saw a programme on TV which mentioned how some people who have been diagnosed with mental health conditions actually have auto immune issues, mainly to do with encephalitis issues, and they're now doing screening for this. You popped into my mind. Wondered if you'd been tested..

Hope you are wellangel.gif

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I'm back. Never really got the chance to see a therapist and my symptoms have stabilized for now. I've been taking to mantra recitation and "trataka" to quite literally protect my mind and studying eastern styles of mysticism. I have not quite made it to holly wood make up in my career. Lol but I have come to a very stable, comfortable salon to work and the pay is good. It's got a bad reputation the new manager and I are working on restoring it, but with this team of stylists I can actively express my needs and personal life, even my disorder. My talents as a seer and healer have also been recognized to a degree and become much stronger. Going to have "Thanksgiving" with my Manager and a coworker and my adopted father is coming to town. Much darker emotions regarding family have been surfacing, beginning to admit a strong dislike for my family as a whole. In the past I would have said hate, but I can't keep rejecting my lot in life. Great people never have it easy I suppose. but then the same can be said not all great people are good people. Even further good and bad are irrelevant, people are people. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.

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Welcome back. I was wondering about you yesterday. Nice to hear that you feel settled.angel.gif

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