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Well, one final done, one more to go. Project due today, and I haven't even started. My instructor is working in the local computer lab today, so she'll be watching me, yikes. But she's nice, wants all of us to do well. I can't believe this class lasts till 10pm at night. Never heard of a class going this late before -- must be something new the college is trying (9pm was the cut off before.)


Well, my husband's passive-aggressive messages that he resents me going to college continue. He drove the car yesterday morning -- and didn't tell me it was on E (empty) -- even knowing that I was driving far away for a final the same morning. I was very upset, but I had planned in a buffer of time, and it all worked out okay. If he had called me from work to let me know about the gas situation, I would be confident of his support. But these little 'messages' tell me of his issues.


He has done very well during this set of finals, though. Usually it's a nightmare of him distracting me from projects and studying. This time he really only rented a movie (I wanted to see) to interrupt my studies. Not bad considering past fights.


This isn't an issue of him not wanting me to be in classes; it's a resentment for the time and attention he loses.


And suddenly a Christmas card from an ex-girlfriend appeared. He hadn't heard from her in over four years. It was apparent to both of us that because she used one last name on the envelope, and a different one inside, that her marriage was either on the rocks or over. She wanted him to email her. He suggested I just throw the card away, so I did. I saved the email address because I was thinking of posting her a note we got married 2-1/2 years ago -- but then again, I think I should trust that she'll get the message from a lack of response. So no email.


This is like the women on Facebook who try to 'befriend' their exes whenever their marriages are rocky -- or they're bored.


The other night, I woke up in the middle of the night to hear someone whispering my name. At first I thought it was DH, but he was asleep (snoring!), and rarely uses my given name anyway as he has a nickname. It was really strange; not a dream whisper. A real voice whisper near my ear. I still wonder who it was. (My guides feel different from this.)


Last night, I dreamed of my son. In my dream, he kept changing ages, from being in diapers, to being in school, to being nearly adult.


We were staying in a dark, mysterious mansion that was apparently part of a luxury hotel. (As in, we were residing in just part of it; we had room service.) My husband set up a date to receive a fruit plate -- several days in advance. And I asked him, "Do you think we'll still be here then?" (as the hotel cost a lot, and when would our vacation be up?) He said, "Yes." He returned to work. I took care of my son and stayed in the mansion during the day. The day that the fruit plate was set to arrive, my husband was rushing back from work to be there in time. We were all anticipating the professional chef's rendition of yogurt sauce when -- oh, no, the alarm went off.


Of course, now I'm left sorely disappointed that we don't have fresh fruit in the house, LOL.









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Well, no improvement. I wrote to my instructor, and she never emailed me back. I finally recalled an announcement where she said she'd be at the lab at 1pm (a few minutes away,) so maybe she was busy this morning.


I thought of going to the lab to do what I could -- but all of the homework assignments were online too! I didn't print them out because it's never been necessary before, and simply results in too much clutter.


The directions for our final project were in there too!


70 points. Half a grade. Hmmm.


I'm hoping she'll give me a one day extensions since all of this is beyond my doing. I was up early enough to whiz to the lab when it opened. I wonder how the other students are fairing? Did this just happen to me? I know several who were at the same stage in homework as I am the last time we met. *Sigh.*


Just five hours until class begins!

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Turns out my instructor accidentally entered the wrong end date for the class. So all the students were locked out. She wouldn't let us have more labtime today, but she did let us do more homework in class last night -- after our presentations and final exam.


I only had 3 hours to put together my Final Project. But I had already hashed out the details in my head, so the process went smoothly. I think I'll get a good score on it, too. (She made a point of complimenting me on it as I walked out the door.)


In the end, I think I was one or two points shy of a B-. I hope she shows mercy and gives me the points. In the other class, I have a strong B, maybe a B+.


Considering I was preparing myself for Ds in both classes -- very relieved. No more of this making myself have lower grades so I won't be put on the Dean's List. Got to get over my silly shyness phobias that drive me into the ground. Same with the fear of success.


Had a strange dream last night. (This morning?) It's very long, so I'll just hit the high points.


A young man, maybe 21, moved out of his father's house to get independence. He was renting a home with my brother R. In the home also resided my father, an ex-boyfriend's mother Ma., and my cousin Ja. (who is not a family friend because of bad behavior.)


I don't know why the house was so crammed. But anyway:


The father was trying to get this young man to babysit his brother "Jess" over night. The son was saying, "No," and using my brother as the excuse. But my brother loves kids.


So I took the father aside and explained how the son had moved out to gain independence, and babysitting his brother overnight did not feel like independence to him. I asked the father to back off for now and try again down the line. Of course his son loved Jess and would want him to visit eventually, just not as a possibly permanent resident (as his father might be planning; seemed like he wanted to foist the boy off so he had more freedom.)


None of this was said within earshot of Jess.


All was well until a tornado came. I found myself on a dirt road with large trees. I didn't hold onto the trees because they were waving around like they were made of taffy. Instead, I lay on the ground and held onto some twine-y grass, knowing that if the funnel cloud hit me, I'd be lifted and thrown about as if I was a leaf. More than the funnel cloud, I was afraid of a tree falling on me.


The tornado passed. We started shouting to see who was still alive. A few of us gathered together to put together a search plan for the rest. But another funnel cloud came, and we all took cover the best we could (being outside.) This tornado passed and we all survived, a little bruised but no major injuries.


The father took us to his boat to think. I said, "Do you think it's a good idea to be on a boat? What if another funnel cloud comes?" He said, "Lightening already struck twice; it won't happen again." So we got on the boat.


Just then, the water turned to ice. We all stared in amazement. The sky changed colors and another funnel cloud formed. We knew we could not get off the boat in time. We stared horrified as the cloud approached us.


Then the water melted and started to froth into huge waves. Out of the waves rose dark-colored seals.


They floated up towards the funnel cloud that was now above us -- and they turned into white doves. The doves came between us and the funnel cloud. They blocked it, flew up higher and higher until they disappeared. Then the clouds broke and the sun came out.


End of dream.


Wow, that was a doozy. Well, I need to look up the meanings to the symbols.


I do think the water freezing part might be related to the ghost who has been about lately -- as his thing is messing with water and temperature. Other than this, no idea.




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Here are some of the symbols (from the Dream Moods disctionary online):




To dream that you are in a tornado, signifies that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. You will be met with a series of disappointments for the next week or so. Your plans will be filled with complications. Definitely true, but I think most of the fears and disappoinments happened over the past week. Hopefully this week will be a little better.


To see several tornadoes in your dream, represent people around you who are prone to violent outbursts and shifting mood swings. It may also symbolize a volatile situation or relationship. My hubby's flip-flopping goals and dreams definitely impact me because any change I make is only the right one for a week or a month -- then he changes his mind, and I'm supposed to flip-flop with him. And I'm a flip-flopper myself, so this makes for a difficult mix. This only emphasizes that we have to write out our goals for 2010 -- the way did for 2009 (and posted it on the fridge.) We could point to it when one of us was veering of the path.


Because my dreams are sometimes literal, I also need to Google the news for local tornados.




Three signifies life, vitality, inner strength, completion, imagination, creativity, energy, and self-exploration. Three stands for trilogy as in the past, present, and future or father, mother, and child, etc. Hmm.





To see ice in your dream, suggests that you are lacking a flow of ideas and thoughts. You are not seeing in progress in your life. Alternatively, you may be feeling emotionally paralyzed or rigid. You need to let your feelings be known.




To see muddy, violent waves in your dream, signifies that a fatal error was made in an important decision. When I tried to register last night, registration was already closed till January. I'd mis-remembered the last day! (Was waiting on my grades to see if I could get funding or not.) Sigh. Not a fatal error, but I can't register till next month.




To see a seal in your dream, indicates your playfulness and your ability to use and incorporate differing ideas and thoughts into a situation. Seals are a symbol of good luck, success, and spiritual understanding. It also signifies prosperity, faithful friends, and security in love. Alternatively, the dream symbol may also be a pun and indicate you need to put closure on some situation as in "sealing the deal". I'm in an extremely playful mood today; celabratory. My hubby and I have been very close and secure this year, this season.




To see a dove in your dream, symbolizes peace, tranquility, harmony, affection and innocence. In particular, to see a white dove in your dream, represents loyalty, love, simplicity, gentleness and friendships. It may also signify a message and blessing from the Holy Spirit. You have let go of your thoughts of hate and revenge. The only upsetting thing to happen recently was hubby's ex-girlfriend trying to start something up with her Xmas card. But he considered it not something worth pursuing, and we cannot control who makes moves on us -- only how we respond. He didn't prompt her to do it, and he did what a good husband would do -- tossed the card out. Life does feel simple right now -- for today -- because it's that quiet time just after finals and just before Xmas. Then a return to chaos -- but also joy, love, family and friends.


EDITED to add: Found this announcment on the internet


December 18, 2009


7:32 A.M. — Severe weather is rolling into the area today.



Lee County is among 12 surrounding counties under a tornado watch until 1 p.m.



The Florida counties included are: • Lee • Charlotte • Collier • Hendry • Broward • Glades • Martin • Okeechobee • Miami-Dade • Palm Beach • Monroe • St. Lucie


At first I thought a relative might be in one of these counties, but she's not. Her area is going to get severe winds and storms, but probably not tornados.

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More strange dreams last night. My dreams tend to run long with lots of detail. Most days, I have good recall too, so it's hard to keep at a dream diary. Today, I'll just record some of the symbols in the dream:


Getting lost, wedding, struggling business, son, grandparents (someone else's), traffic jam, antique car, whip used to harm, escape, celebration, kiss, jokes.


I had my first local request for a free card reading today. Need to get at it. As this is sort of a trial offer, I need to put together some pricing for future readings. And a freebie website too? This reinvigeration of my abilities came on recently; I'm just not prepared yet, but I'm gettingg there.


Have applied to do readings with a website but they never replied to me.


Just a few more days till Christmas.


It seems there was a tornado in Florida yesterday (is it just me, or is this a strange state and time of year for a tornado?) http://www.palmbeachpost.com/weather-news/...own-131974.html


Photo caption: "A tornado touched down at Biscayne Blvd. and NE 163rd street pushing a woman across a parking lot with her flower stand putting a large gash in her head. Miami-Dade Firefighters took her to a hospital. The tornado ripped through the gas station pulling the bolted down stand 75 feet. "


ADDED: Symbols from my dream. This one is similar in message as yesterday's. Went through a trial then came through with happiness and security.



To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. Alternatively, you may be trying to adjust and get accustomed to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing. Both.



To see a marriage in your dream, signifies commitment, harmony or transitional period. You are undergoing an important developmental phase in your life. True.



To dream that you are in traffic, signifies frustrations in life and that things are not going as smoothly as you would like it to. You feel stuck at where you are in life. Also true.



To dream that you are searching for your grandparents, signifies your search for love and protection. You may be regressing to childhood needs. All of my grandparents have passed on. While my grandmothers have visited me in dreams, never a grandfather (excep a potential father-in-law who passed.) In this dream, it was strange to me that a grandfather appeared. They both pased when I was young, and I don't remember them. In this dream, Grandpa and Grandma rescue me and my son from a kidnapping.



To see a whip in your dream, signifies punishment, unhappiness shame and guilt. It may indicate some abusive situation or unfortunate circumstances. Alternatively, the whip suggests that you need to exercise more control over your life. You need to have more discipline or be more obedient. The dream also may be a metaphor for something that you need to "whip" up. In conjunction with the antique, time was a mix of modern and vintage. I'd say the car was from the early 1900s. The whip was yielded by the kidnappers to punish another party. My son and I were threatened with it if we didn't cooperate.



To dream that you are being kidnapped, denotes feelings of being trapped and restricted. Someone or some situation may be diverting your� concentration and your attention away from your goals.



To dream that you escape from injury, from an animal, or from any situation, signifies your good health and prosperity. You will experience a favorable turn of events.



To dream of a celebration, represents your achievement toward a higher level of growth. This dream may also be a self-congratulatory one for the goals you have achieved and for the recognition you have gained. You may be honoring some victory, success, or accomplishment. Alternatively, to dream of a celebration, symbolizes freedom and emotional release. Celebration dreams are common for those who anticipate some upcoming turning points or events in their waking life.



To dream that you are telling a joke, denotes that you are not being taken seriously and as a result you are feeling frustrated. On the other hand, you may not be taking an issue seriously.

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The other night, I made a teasing remark to my husband. It played out over a day or two that he was hurt. He said something hurtful in return. I took the snapping as job stress and forgave as I do for him, as he does for me.


And last night I had a dream.


In my dream, we had a small fight, and he just left. Moved out. Didn't take anythng but his cell phone. Didn't take the car; must've walked. Well, he left on a Friday night, and when he hadn't returned by Monday morning, I went to see my mom.


(In reality, she lives far away, and I haven't seen her in a very long time!)


I laid on her bed, snuggled next to her shoulder, and asked her what I should do. She told me to check out the cell phone bill. I got excited that this was a good idea (at this point, I was past anger and into hoping he was okay). I told her, his best friend's number ends in "77". (In real life, it doesn't!)


We were scanning the bill, when suddenly I realized, I'd reversed roles with my husband. He wasn't the one who would move out if we fought; it would be me. His name was on the house. I was 'walking a mile in his shoes.'


My off-hand remark that 'if he hurt me, I'd simply leave,' is causing him needless stress. My off-hand remark was in response to an off-hand remark he made while watching a TV show


I cannot read his mind, but in my dream, I felt helpless, like there was nothing I could say to keep him home. So I gave up. Maybe this is how he feels on a deeper level? Note to self: censor off-hand, meaningless remarks that may have unwanted side effects.


On a positive note, we were heading to a movie the other night, and we saw an auction -- starting in 30 minutes! I was soooo excited. I'd been drooling over jewelry "caskets" online -- and they had one! In silver with velvet lining! Whoo-hoo!


What's strange is: I'd given my final project on reselling used goods. It was my dream to start going to auctions. Then I went to one two days later-- at my husband's prompting (as he saw the sign)? And now he wants to go more often? (He never saw my project; I put it together at the computer lab and walked it to class on a USB flash drive.)


And my dentist appt. -- I was thinking of changing docs because on my first appt, this one wouldn't answer my questions, wouldn't give me a script for antibiotics.


My husband gave me a tip -- not to ask any question involving prices. Save these for the desk.


I pre-envisioned the appointment in my mind, imaginging the dentist would be communicative, friendly responsive, and write me a script for antibiotics.


And this is exactly what happened! He pro-actively addressed most of my questions; he was very friendly; he responded to me; and with no prompting -- at all-- he wrote me a script for antibiotics -- 'just in case I had any pain over the holidays.' Wow!


Dream Symbols:



To dream that you are in a fight, indicates inner turmoil. Some aspect of yourself is in conflict with another aspect of yourself.



To dream that you break up with your significant other, indicates that there is something in your life that you need to let go no matter how hard it may be.


Cell Phone

To see or use a cell phone in your dream, indicates that you are being receptive to new information. It also represents your mobility.



To dream that you are having a conversation with your mother, denotes a matter that has preoccupied your mind and you are not sure how to deal with it in your waking life.


"Master numbers include double digit numbers 11, 22, 33, 44, 55, 66, 77, 88, and 99. They are called Master Numbers because there is inherent masterful, or extraordinary promise symbolized by them. This energy is far from mundane and instead largely other- dimensional.

Therein resides the catch: These numbers represent energy that is not of this every-day plane of existence. It’s very spiritual and therefore, unpredictable and hard to handle. More often than not, those with many Master Numbers in key positions in the comprehensive charts experience deeper life challenges than other people." -- Scott Petullo and Stephen Petullo

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The other night, I had a strange, embarrassing dream about being stuck on the floor of a bathroom -- next to a tub full of water. The dream was SO embarrassing, I didn't post it here the morning after. But since it came true, and wasn't really about me, I think I can share.


In the dream, I found myself on the floor, naked, next to the bathtub, as if I'd slipped.


Anyway, a female nurse -- a very happy, upbeat person -- was shouting apologies, asking me if I was okay (I said I was), and promising to come in a moment.


When she arrived in the bathroom, she said, "A warm bath would be so nice!" But I noticed the water was red; I said, "Oh, we have to run fresh water. That's from my hair dye." (First symbol of blood.) Then I noticed an (unused, thank goodness) tampon laying out in the middle of the floor. (Second symbol of blood.) I apologized, so embarrassed, but she thought nothing of it, and threw it away, then helped me up. Her upbeat attitude really did help me feel better.


The next morning, (in real life) an older female relative called. She told me, unasked, that she was having problems getting out of the bathtub. And that unless she shouted and shouted REALLY LOUD -- her husband wouldn't come to help her out. She said she just wanted an arm to lean on while getting herself to the toilet seat (she keeps a clean house) to start drying off.


She expressed how humiliating the begging experience was for her, and how she was afraid of falling down.


I suggested she get a permanent rail to help get herself out, but what she really wanted was for her husband to be chilverous (sp?) enough to help her -- kindly -- without embarrassing her, without making her shout.


I hope that I was the happy, upbeat person trying to comfort her and make practical suggestions -- but appears this isn't just a physical matter. It speaks to a lack of respect in the marriage, which can humiliate at a much deeper level than physical problems.

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Really real.


Sometimes, even after years and years of proof, I get shy giving a message from the other side. What if the recipient doesn't believe me? What if I'm dead wrong?


But I promise not to second guess myself because, even if an initial reading doesn't seem on target the day it's given, it usually ends up that it is correct -- after all is said and done.


Managed to see my mother for Christmas despite the distance.


So I gave my mother the message from her mother, my grandmother. And she confirmed it. She told me things she'd never told me before. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.


She also told my DH, dear Skeptic, that when I was a baby, I had a bad reaction to a vaccination. My fever reached 108 degrees on my parent's thermometer, and when they called the doctor, they were instructed on ways to bring my fever down. (Back then, visits to the emergency room were rare.)


Mom said I was hallucinating (not sure of my exact age myself). She said this may explain why I seem to have a touch of something special.


I never realized this incident had been a near-death experience. Mom never mentioned my extremely high temperature or the hallucinations before.


Why do we keep quiet about things that can be so critical to another's understanding of themselves?

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Something very unusual happened on Monday. This has never happened before with a Guide ever. I am still in a bit of shock.


My current guide, whom I'll refer to as C., told me that 'they' (on the Other Side I gather) had no idea thata I was going to struggle so much with my career decisions. (You see, I have over four options, more like six, open to me, and I don't know which way to turn.) So he was going to go back to visit them and look at my life request (think blueprint) to see how much more they could reveal to me (or do to support me) at this time.


Now I sometimes make the mistake of thinking Spirit Guides are perfect. The Other Side is perfect. 'They' are perfect. To the point where it never occurs to me that they might need to re-evaluate an approach! To say this was eye-opening is an understatement.


He said he'd be back Tuesday night, and, oh, boy, was I excited. I felt so special. But at the same time, a certain dread. Like a teacher speaking to a principal about me. Yes, a certain dread came over me. That this was going to be "too hard" and how could I live up to their expectations? What if they told me to take the hardest path possible?


What clear message I was getting before he even returned is that they were going to ask me to meditate every morning. Visiualize my to-do list. And, yes, that was the first thing he did when he returned.


Other things I was told:


I need to be recording what they tell me. Tape recorder, paper, it doesn't matter, but I do need to organize the inforamtion and protect it from harm.


That I need to sleep in in the morning instead of forcing myself to rise at an unusual hour. That my body will tell me when it's ready to get up so early itself, by not being in pain. I need to adjust my sleep cycle to my bodies request. (This one really took me by surprise.)


That I need to take a ten minute walk once a day -- and build up on this time.


That I'm going through a time of transition and that some parts of it will be painful -- but nothing is going to happen instantly with my career, so it won't be like jumping into a cold bath either. (This took me by surprise too.)


The painful parts will be letting go of things I find joyful in order to support the practical.


That even though the money I'm hoping for will come in earlier than expected (we expect it in 7 years), it won't be enough to support my needs for self-esteem.


That I will need to be working at something profitable (for my family's support) too.


Their answer wasn't to tell me, "Drop this," and, "Start that." Rather, they are working on a foundation of making me stronger first. And giving me perspective. Hoping that once this is acheived, my personal decision-making will go smoother.


This lifeted my mood quiet a bit. And I really liked that 'they' emphasized trying to attach happy thoughts and expectations to that which I think of as drudgery.


EDITED to add: And (self-hand slap for forgetting) they want me to read a book I purchased long ago and barely skimmed over -- telling me that this book contains the things I need to do to get in line with my future. Gah! Homework!

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You have an excellent working relationship with your Guides, I hope you take their suggestions to heart.


Yes, thank you, I will. The relationship has grown with time. My odd lot in life is that because my guide decided to reincarnate, I've since gone through a series of guides and guide sets (couples, duos who work together). Now my current guide arrived -- he's pretty advanced I can already tell by the things he says. I've asked him to stay with me the rest of my life -- if he can. We'll see what happens :)!


Blog continued: Yesterday went better than expected. Although I didn't walk the ten minutes, I did over ten minutes of heavy lifting -- and ended up panting! What's happened to me? Hibernating in the winter is NOT good for me.


I asked that I not remember my dreams so well as I was remembering too many and it took too much time to try to evaluate them for meaning. I'm mostly just interested in my precog dreams. How do I know which is precog when they are all predominent?


But now I'm stuck hardly remembering any of my dreams at all. Sigh. Lost my balance.


Continue to practice readings with the Tarot.


I started reading the book my guides recommended. Of course, my skeptical side said, "How is a book about marriage supposed to help me with career aspirations?" But, of course, as I read, I could immediately see the correlations. I could see from the clear structure and succintness (sp?) of the book why the guides wanted me to read this one.


But the title made my hubby nervous. Will explain today. He hates me bringing up my guide. Has walked in on me talking to 'them' (ghosts, guides, spirits, ad nauseum) before, and this does not make him happy. I think it's more of a "What do they know about me?" fear more than anything else.


I find that I prefer speaking to my guide out loud. Although it works fine using telepathy only, I just like the distincness of a two-sided conversation. This has a freak factor, though. I'm caught speaking to 'myself' in public. Need to censor the timing.


Continuing on my goals, I had a breakthrough yesterday. A significant breakthrough. Want to see where this leads... Life can be exciting.

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I've been doing good on walking 10 minutes per day. While it's below freezing outside, I compensate with adding a brisk walk to shopping for groceries, or quickly work on an active project at home. Anything that gets my heart going for 10 minutes. The weather is supposed to be above freezing soon.


I've read several chapters in the recommended book, and discovered it's about 25% about career! He was right.


I've had trouble meditating -- my thoughts are all over the map! But one thing keeps rising to the top. That I should conduct a beginner's psychic class at a local community center. So I'm trying to put these thoughts into 4 easy classes. We'll see what comes of this.


Time to start applying for part-time work.


My current tuition funding is drawing to a close, though my father told me about a whole 'nother type of tuition that I now qualify for -- though books aren't covered. My current college's classes *are* covered.


I also want the process of checking into new funding started this week, completed by end of February (there is back-and-forth snail mail correspondence involved.)


A recent dream of mine:


I was saving a stray kitten from drowning in a stream. It was just about to go into a drainpipe, when I caught it by a limb and pulled it out.


The kitten turned into a baby girl with blue hair and a green velvet dress. She was completely dry. Her mother and father were behind me, arguing.


The baby's bleach-blonde mother took off in a huff, saying she wanted nothing to do with either of them, and she was out of there.


The baby's father, who also had blue hair, looked at me, then took off.


I followed him, saying "Hey, stop!" but he wouldn't. As he approached the hotel, he started saying to people I was a stalker, and he wanted nothing to do with me.


I screamed, "I don't want a date! I just want you to take care of your baby!"


Baby still cradled in my arms, I followed him into the hotel and up a set of stairs.... [Cut]


My son, who was much older than his real age, maybe about eighteen, was in our home saying his step-dad's friend saw me going into a hotel with a man." I stopped him and interjected, "But...!" He continued, "His friend told him what you said, he knows you didn't cheat, he just wants to know what happened."


As if to explain, I raised the blue-haired baby into the air.


I told my son, "I followed him up the stairs, where I could hear mean speaking Russian. He wouldn't take the baby. I didn't know what to do."



I can't remember much more of this dream. Cannot figure out what the blue hair means either.

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I had a dream last night that I worked in a very large office with a lot of people. We were basically into data entry, creating spreadsheets, etc. Well, someone started complaining that too many of us were doing personal stuff on the computers, so the big wigs came in to investigate.


While we waited outside, pacing back in forth in front of the open door, the big wigs set up a long table for their briefcases, folders, and notes. They set up a screen and a networked computer -- which we could see from where they were. From this angle, I could see a kid and one of my co-workers sitting in front of them, but both were intent on something in front of them, not the bigwigs.


Then I saw one of my personal files on the monitor -- nothing embarrassing, but about my home business -- then they opened a second one!


I couldn't take the suspense any longer, so I paced quickly into the room to defend myself. One of the bigwigs looked up impatiently. I started to speak, and he cut me off. He said, "Since you guys are behaving like children, we're having you color. Sit down!" He handed me one of the company's coloring book/crayon sets for kids.


I was really embarrassed. Looking over at my co-worker, I noticed he *was* coloring, too afraid to not do it. We looked at each other and realized, we have to do what they say, or? face losing our jobs?


So I opened up the package and started coloring. I needed the red colors from the kid's set (I assumed a bigwig's child) for Wonder Woman's outfit, but he was reluctant to share as he needed for Ironman, so when he was using another color, I just grabbed it. He said, "If you're going to take it, you have to break it in half." I asked, "You want me to break your crayon in half?" (recalling in my mind how angry this would make my mother when I was a child.)


He said, "Yeah, break it in half." So I did. The crayon turned black!


One of the bigwigs looked up and asked me, "How much time do you spend on personal use each week?" (Indicating the computer.) I said, "About two hours a week. It may look like more, but that's only because I'm fast."


Yes, I had debated lying, but he had the proof in front of him. If I said, "Only a few minutes." He'd know I was lying. If I said, "12 hours," I would have been fired. The truth? I don't really know because this was a dream, LOL.


He looked satisfied that I was being honest and he went back to his investigation. I felt secure that he felt this was a reasonable amount, confirmed by the evidence (what boss really believes employees won't *ever* use a computer for personal use?), and that he wasn't planning to fire me.


I got quite happy and went right on coloring.

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I received a message from my Great-Grandpa last night!


In my dream, I was at a family party surrounded by my mom, an aunt, and my aunt's friends, as well as other relatives.


An older male stepped in and said, "Do you remember which of your grandma's rode in a buggy with a horse?"


I said, "I think it was my great-grandma, Little Grandma [as we called her]."


He said, "Yes. Do you remember your graduation?"


I said, "Yes."


"I wanted to give you this." He handed me a very thin book that was about 8.5" x 11" in size. He opened the book to the front cover and pointed out an inscription. He said, "This book was for you."


I read the inscription; it was something about his pride in me.


I looked up and asked him why he was showing this to me now? It had been so long since my high school graduation.


He said that he wanted to let me know how proud "they" were of me, and that once I have my AA, they want me to get a second AA.


Despite the advances in education and availability of college, only one of his grandchildren/great grandchildren (that I know of; at this point in time) has a BA, and that is my younger brother. Even high school diplomas are rare in his lineage, though GEDs abound.


In the message, the fulcrum point of this was based in the fact that I'd be getting enough money to not have to work every hour of my life (as in the past, I used to put in 60-80 hour weeks).


Also, the availability of the new funding for tuition is key. A LOT of things are coming together.


And I am kicking myself that I chose to take this semsester off! But I really needed the break.


It was so nice to receive such a pronounced and clear message from my ancestors. I am adding this to my long-term goals.

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How wonderful that you are open to communicating with your ancestors. I think this ability will provide innumerable enhancements and add an overall sense of richness to your life.


Yes, one of my grandmother's even helped me relieve some physical symptoms of an illness, and she'd already passed over. Very amazing. I'm just so surprised Great Grandpa came through.




I received two more messages that the money was coming early, one from someone online, and one from my dad, who has more knowledge of what is *really* happening than I do. He made an estimate of by the end of 2010. Whoah!


Well, like I was advised, I'm not resting on my laurels until it happens. I've been negotiating some space to sell my goods -- but the first genuine offer I got, I think the rent was too high and the distance too far. He's willing to bend, though, so I might just test the waters, see if I can get a 2 months for the price of one deal.


As for the Real World job, I hate the thought of getting hired knowing I'd probably have to quit the end of August (to work with my hubby in September.) But then again, I get the feeling it's going to take months to find a job (when I started looking, there were barely any jobs of available, and all too far, I mean an hour or two drive at minimum wage! It'd cost more in gas than I'd earn.) So I'm just going to keep trying. So many factors could change between now and then.


So I bought some clothes (like new from Goodwill, didn't break the bank) for job interviews. First, I'll start going to local businesses (through the next three or four weeks), gathering apps, turning them in.


I know the only way I'll get a job is if I'm the lucky one out of a great pile of apps, but it's worth trying to get a local job that won't cost me an arm and a leg in gas.


I woke up so ambitious today, but around ten o'clock, a splitting headache forced me into the bed to take an extra dose of my scripts, and I was out like a light. I only just woke up! Feel like a Lazybones!


My husband had a really depressing encounter with a 'friend' last night. His friend said, in our position, we should be doubling our payments on our house. (Is he nuts?!?) I have no idea what he was talking about, or where we'd come up with nearly a grand extra of money a month. I think he thinks that between my (ex) home business and my husband's home business, we should be netting a grand a month. But not many part-time home businesses churn that kind of dough! And, even so, we have other expenses to meet.


I asked my husband not to let this man veer us off our ten year plan. We had already discussed saving enough to put in one or two double-mortgage payments a year. Given the fact that I'm not working outside the home yet, I feel it's enough! And, even after I'm working, it'll still be a stretch, because 50% of my income will be gone off the top (taxes and another payment) -- even if I get minimum wage, I'll actually only bring home $3.50 an hour! (In my state, degrees (or nearly achieved degrees) are virtually meaningless because of the complete dirth of jobs.)


I'm worried that my husband might of mentioned the money I'm expecting to this man. I don't trust the guy. But we need him as a business contact.


The reason I'm so scattered when it comes to all things financial and work-related right now is because I thiink, with time on my hands and no classes this semester, I should reactivate my home business. But if I do, will it cause me to illogically turn down a job? Or try to do both and the same time and fail at both?


I've decided that I need to pull out my old business plan and read it over (goal for tonight). I want to dust it off, re-enter it into the computer (lost my original copy!) and make adjustments that include a clear EXIT PLAN.


Because dropping off the face of the earth is bad for my reputation. So confusing.




I had a dream recently where a man was asking me about a cable, about my husband, if he was selling this cable. It felt like he was bugging me over and over -- like he really needed this cable -- to the point were I woke up. My DH was already up, so I asked him, "Are you selling cables right now?"


He said, no, and that the only guy who buys cables from is so-and-so. So-and-so sent him an email a couple of days later, but no request for a cable.


Then DH got another email. He'd forgotten to include a cable with a shipment, LOL. And if you've ever tried to hook something up, you know how frustrating a missing cable can be.

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I had a strange dream the night before last. In it, I had a very young son and daughter (in RL, I only have a son). The son was a wild child, getting into all kinds of mischief.


A woman in a store said he'd gotten into the offices, and I needed to go get him. When I got there, he was a second floor window (one of those windows within a building, like a building within a building.) He was crawling out the window! I screamed, "Get somone up there to save him!" at the same time I was running towards the door. But the woman said not to worry, he'd already gotten himself down once.


He dropped himself out the window on top of some kind of product bin with a firm lid. From there, he crawled down some stuff and reached the floor. Then he headed back towards the entry to do it again!


I nabbed him. Got he and my daughter into our car -- a limo with a driver no less, because in this dream, I was wealthy.


I had to drive them to a place where we were going to attend a memorial for someone who had passed.


As we were driving, I saw 3 women running down the road (a dusty gravel road, btw). The driver told me they were running from a nursing home that was really a sanitorium, they just called it a nursing home for the benefit of the residents.


Being a vintage clothing collector (in real life), I noticed two were wearing pegnoirs, and was wearing a satin -- possibly silk -- robe.


The driver told me residents often escaped because of lax security, but usually were found quickly -- or even returned on their own -- due to the remote nature of the facility.


We drove up to what I discovered was a disconnected wing of the very same facility. Little did I know, the person who had diead was a resident of this wring.


I forgot to mention I had a nanny with me. As I went upstairs, she changed the children's clothes right there in the car. I checked up on their progress by peering out a window, and she had my kids dressed all in black.


This was pretty much the end of the dream.


What was disturbing was my phone call from my mother yesterday. She is again in a deep depression. She spoke of her robe, and how old and ratty it was, but how she felt since it had some wear left in it, she didn't deserve -- or want? -- to replace it. I asked her if it made her feel attractive because that is what was important, in addition to function.


Then she shared some deeply personal thoughts on her looks, her marriage, her status in life, etc. Apparently her husband (my step-dad) has taken to calling her "insane." Not once, not twice, but now as a regular thing during their fights.


I keep sensing her depression might lead to suicide, or a stress-related coronary, and, unfortunately, the signs I received are pointing the same way.


Though she didn't say it out loud, the dream told me that's she might be fearing my step-dad might put her in a sanitorium (mental health facility) instead of a nursing home when the time comes. (He's many years her junior.)


She is frantic about many things, so I told her to call me anytime. My husband and I will visit her as often as we can. I'm out of the loop as far as what will happen to her if she needs nursing care (because I'm committed to taking care of my Dad, and one of my brother's to caring for Mom.) But if my SD tries to put her in a mental health facility at this late stage, we will have words.


My mother and I repaired our shaky relationship several years ago. We are on good ground, and the one thing I can say -- other than our wish to spend more time together -- is that we said and did every positive thing we were thinking about each other before she passed (IF and ONLY if she passes, that is.)


I rarely communicate with my SD as he barely communicates with any of us (his wife's kids.) Asking him to stop doing this would fall on deaf ears.

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I keep sensing her depression might lead to suicide, or a stress-related coronary, and, unfortunately, the signs I received are pointing the same way.


I want to send an angel of light to your mother...



My mother and I repaired our shaky relationship several years ago. We are on good ground, and the one thing I can say -- other than our wish to spend more time together -- is that we said and did every positive thing we were thinking about each other before she passed (IF and ONLY if she passes, that is.)


Yes, that gives you comfort... * hug *


Thank you for sharing your life with us... there are many willing ears here. :angel:


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I had a dream recently where a man was asking me about a cable, about my husband, if he was selling this cable. It felt like he was bugging me over and over -- like he really needed this cable -- to the point were I woke up. My DH was already up, so I asked him, "Are you selling cables right now?"


He said, no, and that the only guy who buys cables from is so-and-so. So-and-so sent him an email a couple of days later, but no request for a cable.


Then DH got another email. He'd forgotten to include a cable with a shipment, LOL. And if you've ever tried to hook something up, you know how frustrating a missing cable can be.


Yesterday, my husband came home early from work without calling me first. I was mad because I made plans for the day, and he was wedging right in, getting in my way. If he had only called me, I would have rearranged my plans, jumped in the bath, and we could have gone out and done something fun!


So we were bickering away. I asked him to help me move something in the room.


After moving the piece of furniture, he reached down to grab a black cord, lifting it up like it was something magical. He said it was the missing cable he couldn't find!


Sometimes things happen for a reason. After that, we didn't bicker so much; the atmosphere got calmer.




I had a strange dream the night before last. In it, I had a very young son and daughter (in RL, I only have a son). The son was a wild child, getting into all kinds of mischief.


A woman in a store said he'd gotten into the offices, and I needed to go get him. When I got there, he was a second floor window (one of those windows within a building, like a building within a building.) He was crawling out the window! I screamed, "Get somone up there to save him!" at the same time I was running towards the door. But the woman said not to worry, he'd already gotten himself down once.


He dropped himself out the window on top of some kind of product bin with a firm lid. From there, he crawled down some stuff and reached the floor. Then he headed back towards the entry to do it again!


Maybe the two are unrelated, but the morning after the night I had the dream about the little boy, blonde, around age 5, these news titles abounded, "Alla Kournikova charged with child neglect after boy, 5, jumps out window of Palm Beach home." He landed on rocks and survived. Turns out she'd locked him inside the house to go run errands.


Don't know for certain if this was a pre-cog dream or not, but some threads definitely overlap.


"According to police, he jumped some 15 feet down while barefoot, landing on some side-yard stone between two air-conditioning units.


"The child stated he hung by his hands before letting go," the report said." (Just as in my dream.)

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I want to send an angel of light to your mother...





Yes, that gives you comfort... * hug *


Thank you for sharing your life with us... there are many willing ears here. :angel:


Thank you, Victoria. This is really good to know, and I do thank you for the support.


The brother who is supposed to watch out for her as he lives closes, lives in a la-la land where things llike suicide don't exist. If I told him, he'd break my confidence (as he always does), laugh at me, then ridicule my mom for being so silly.


He and his wife are using her for free childcare. My mom is afraid to say no because she thinks her DIL will cut off all contact between her and her grandkids if she does.


I ask her to get 'real' therapy instead of one of those pill-mill, depression doctors that only see a patient 5 minutes every six months to renew their scripts. But she won't.


I ask her to talk to my SD about what she *really* wants to do with her will. But we both know he won't let her. They have a multi-hundred thousand dollar estate, and he wants it all. She really had to fight to even get $1K put in for books for my son's college.


She wants to leave me $10K but my SD won't let her. I don't want to gain from her death, so it's okay. But it's wrong for my SD to not let her leave any money at all to her kids. (We are aware the only thing will get is my mom's personal possessions he gathers up for Goodwill.) She worked really hard to get where she is, and she wants to share it with her kids. She even spoke of sneaking the money to me, or hiding it in the house. (But I still hold she needs to be honest with her husband, no matter what. Or her plan will backfire.)


He confessed in a whisper, right next to my mom, to me and my husband (while she was distracted) that he was with her for money.


She wonders why he stays, but it's clear: if he waits for her to die -- instead of divorcing her -- he gets everything. And he's very materialistic.


Yes, it's very hard for me, because I'm her *only* confidant other than a sister, but she still choses to confide more in me than her. It's a huge secret, and I want to be able to tell my brotther and SD and know they would support me in helping her. But they just aren't like that. They are the kind to laugh, criticize, put down. Which would only make her feel betrayed by me, and put her deeper in the pit of realization that they're just using her. I'm between a rock and a hard place.

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Very strange dream last night!


A woman knocked on my door. It was a sliding glass door. So I ran to answer it, and, just like a bird, I failed to see the door was closed and ran SMACK! Headfirst into the door. Knocked myself out.


As I started coming round, the woman (still on the other side of the door, and apparently a friend though I didn't recognize her from real life,) said, "I know your faking. Come on, we'll be late. I was so dazed, I could not even respond. She said, "Okay, fine, then you know I'll get the job." And she left me there like that, still on the ground!


I was so dizzy and out of it, nearly unconscious, that I decided to try to crawl to my bed. I only got about half way there and collapsed, passing out again.


I woke to a different woman standing over me. She was waving a protein bar and a bottle of water in my face. She asked me what I did to myself? That the other woman had sent her to check on me.


It was then that I noticed, I was so concussed that my tongue was stocking out -- and I was drooling! I could not even sit up, or move for that matter.


She kept saying that if I got up, she'd give me the protein bar. Like I cared. Finally, she caved and slid me up half onto her lap, half on one of my elbows. I was propped up. She gave me some water and then I took the bar from her and had a bite.


I had a feeling then that I wasn't braindamaged -- as my vision was good and I understood everything being said -- but like the other woman, she was urging me to "Get ready." To "stop faking it." And that she'd drive me to my appointment, apparently a job interview.


The dream ended here. Very, very strange!

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I feel like such a fool. How could I not see what was right in front of my eyes?


Mom landed in a hospital when a pharmacy sent her the wrong dosage of a script. She was told a single bruise could cause her to bleed out. Now she knows how easy it is to kill herself; take the wrong dosage. A small cut would kill her!


The dream of the bloody bathtub! I'm such an idiot. I didn't put two and two together.


Then her not wanting to be diagnosed with depression, bipolar?, whatever, that would actually help her. Why? Because her husband's insurance is more likely to cover a mental health facility than a nursing home. Duh!


She's right! She should *continue* avoiding being 'labeled' for now. Maybe forever. Not with her husband's finger on the trigger button.


She also knows she has to succeed if she tries "it". Her husband said he'd divorce her if she "attempted" it.


The dream of the symbol of the tampon -- clean, empty -- symbolized the loss of her fertility and sexuality, and consequently her beauty. She says she feels invisible. She was a beauty, which is how she landed such a young man!


She allowed too much of her self-esteem to be dependent on her looks, and even though she's still beautiful, she's in those unkind sixties, where fighting aging becomes a losing battle. No more young men checking her out, drawing into conversation, simply acting as if she existed.


I feel hopeless and helpless, and keep gettinng signs and messages to dawdle, drag my feet, about a new job, because I'm going to need to be available soon. And it's clear why.


She'll have a good day. She sounds chipper on the phone. And then the next, she's in a dark place again....

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I had a dream last night that my husband I rented an apartment in a large city. The apartment had three bedrooms. The plans was that it would not only be our home (including my son), we would also have my brother, my mother, and my stepfather spending some time there -- so they'd pay a small part of the rent too.


We had signed a lease where we got a "free" bedroom. That is, we were charged the rate of a 2-bedroom apartment and got the 3rd room "free."


The third room, as the landlady showed us, was completely remodeled. Though all of the apartment was nice, this room was exceptional. It was painted in pale green and had soft, white curtains that floated in the wind. It had a long credenza filled with storage space. And an old-fashioned black wrought iron bed.


After we had stayed there a while, the landlady came in, unannounced, and started showing the room to an older man! I said, "What are you doing here? We've already rented this place." She told me that the "free" room deal was only until they could rent out the room!


She said we were already violating the number of people staying in the apartment, that three rooms was limited to four people. I said, that's stupid, you could expect two people per room, or up to six people. But she said, "Not without the third room, which isn't yours."


I told her no way was she renting out our room because it was the only place any of us could get a restful nights sleep.


So I went downstairs to the busy rental offcie. Ours was a large apartment building with tenants constantly milling about, paying rent, putting down deposits, etc.


I told the stafflady that my apartment number was 136, and that I needed to see my original lease as the landlady hadn't given me a copy. She said OK but ignored me otherwise as she continued with what she was doing. I waited to the point where i got so impatient, I went into their filing cabinets myself. I pulled out my file (easy to find as they were organized by number.)


To my surprise, my cash deposit was in there, a big wad of money, probably first months and lasts as required. I told the stafflady, do you realize there's cash in here? Why haven't you deposited it? She said they were very disorganized right now, and not every deposit had been put in the bank yet. I pulled out another file and showed her someone who paid cash for rent still had a payment stuck in a file.


I started quizzing her on what was going on? She said they weren't making a profit, couldn't afford more than two staffers for the office, and no one wanted to make the trip to the bank carrying cash in this area, so cash payments lay stagnant.


I said this was moronic, that it's ridiculous that they are trying to rent rooms *inside* apartments to get more money -- when they were sitting on so much cash already! I started thinking of how I could help out.


As I suspected, my lease said no such thing about the landlady being able to sublet rooms in my apartment, so I got her to leave us alone.


The dream ended about as I was throwing her out. After I woke, I wondered what this all meant, and especially why I dreamed of the number 136.

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Well, I vowed I wouldn't spend more than 15 minutes researching any dream. So after 15 minutes of searching variations of 136 + apartment, etc., on the internet, I quit, and ran my bath.


In getting ready for my bath, I was looking for a book to read. I couldn't find the book I wanted to read, so I pulled a different on off the shelf. Disappointed, I took the book with me into the bath and started to read.


And then I thought, 136? Could it be a page number?


I turned to page 136. It was the start of a new chapter. This chapter was all about how to speak with people in a non-off-putting way. Within the short chapter was an example of tenant/landlord relations!


Um... I get the message, LOL.




I also had another dream that gave me a very clear "career" path under the given circumstances. My mind mulled over the options, and out popped the one that was most entanglement-free. I need to be 'mobile' in case something happens to Mom.


My husband's on board with this option because it has a lot to do with our future plans and dreams. I begin today!

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I also had another dream that gave me a very clear "career" path under the given circumstances. My mind mulled over the options, and out popped the one that was most entanglement-free. I need to be 'mobile' in case something happens to Mom.


My husband's on board with this option because it has a lot to do with our future plans and dreams. I begin today!



I have to say how grateful I am to my guide for telling me this time of transistion would be months long, not days or weeks. I was so anxious to get started that I was stressing myself out. And stress brings on self-deprecation, health consequences, and marital problems.


Instead of stressing out, I told my self -- that as far as the physcial went -- I'd have to build up my endurance. I couldn't go from being a couch-potato (post-rough-semester-at-college-veg-out) to superstar overnight. Even a ten minute walk (or ten minutes of physical activity) was tough at first. It's getting better, though. I was active (mild/mid range) for an hour yesterday.


I was waiting for a sign about which direction to take. And my guide -- I believe it was my guide -- sent me a "LAUNCHING" Dream (this is what I call them). A dream that it was time to reopen my home vintage apparel business.


I had poked my toes into the pool of standard, work-for-the-check employment opportunities in this area, and frankly, there are none. The US job market is still in a shambles -- especially here.


I need to be available for my mom, and also my husband (particularly late summer/early fall) and classes (ugh!) So I needed the most flexible, historically-profitable business.


I started last night. My passion for the work is returning. A long breather has given me a chance to gather my energy for the project.


Now the tough work begins. Getting back out there. Implementing new ideas to help the business be on auto-pilot as much as possible -- while maintaining the personal touch.


In my free time, I will be working on sub-projects too. I've given myself extra time (in my written goals) to achieve these projects since my primary business will take precedent.

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