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Guest angelina12

attention Chilli and anyone else interested!

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Guest angelina12

Well, remember how you read for me recently and you saw great trouble for someone who was either me, or around me, on a certain day and I thought it wasn't me and thought it was my brother?

 

Well, it was....there was huge fights with him and his wife on that day two or three weeks ago.

 

Now he appears to have left their home and moved into a hotel.

Just to let you know the reading predicted this outcome, it was highly accurate for the process that has started.

(They've had troubles for ages, but it's been getting much, much worse lately)

 

It's sad if the separation is permanent (I am not sure.)

But whatever happens, I want my brother to be happy!

(Also his little son - who is only 1.)

I don't know how to help my brother and he has been approaching me for help. I have also been telling my parents to help and they have been trying too.

But whatever happens, happens. Marriage is between two people, not other people.

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Aw thanks for the compliments you guys :D

 

Now for the more serious issue at hand. I definitely remember the reading.

 

This is not an intuitive reposes but I think possibly a helpful response. Your brother should get a book called 10 Lessons to Transform A Marriage by John Gottman. It's like my go to book for marital troubles or just to learn to build a stronger relationship with someone. I love babies, especially my son, but if anything could be added to mess a relationship up it's children (I still don't understand how some girls have babies to "keep a man" it makes things worse and having a child is so different between the sexes). Sorry but it's true, or at least it has been in my case for people i know. Even my in-laws who've been married for like 50 years said that they never fought until the 1st year after having a child and when they adopted their 3rd who was a handful to say the least. So I'm not surprised when you said the kid is about 1 yrs old, if it hasn't resolved by 2 yrs of parenthood most peeps break up. BUT I do believe that with some honest work together and honesty about their expectations like the ones suggested in that book a couple who really love each other can find ways to rebuild a semblance of what they once had and something greater. Now I'm only talking about my own personal experience with the book. I knew something was going in a wrong direction and the Universe lead me to it (although I think I woulda learned about much sooner had I been more proactive and less of a space case). We are so thankful to this author. In any event, check it out. Check the reviews of the book. We borrowed it from the library first and enjoyed it so much we bought it.

 

Sorry if the answer seems rushed, I've had such a busy day/ week and I need to get to bed.

 

Sending love and peace. :)

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Guest angelina12

Thanks to you Chilli and Horne for your responses.

 

Seems as though my brother's wife has apologised and he's gone back to their home from the hotel.

 

I am going to look for that book for him, however.

Thanks for the practical suggestion. You're pretty good reading wise too! :)

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How are things? :)

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Guest angelina12

Hmmm, well I had sent him a link to an article by the same author of that book you recommended, but he left it unreplied to in my email.

 

Things deterioriated between him and his wife again - fights over money, house purchases and the child too....

 

And so, apparently my brother was seeing a lawyer today regarding a separation agreement. I really don't know what is happening.

A friend of mine said, if it will save his sanity and that of the child and the wife too to be away from fighting, maybe - for the sake of the child too, it's better to separate. Remembering this child is only 1 - so it would only kick in later of understanding of his parents fighting - he's just a baby, he doesn't know....he can only say a couple of words.

I had a strange dream about him and his wife this morning, but I can't remember it - it featured the wife more.

I think it had something to with either cooking or making coffee, and I am not sure if they were fighting over it, or not. But in real life they do fight over minor things as well as money and major things.

 

 

While they've had their fights, I truly believe she has some good aspects to her character - even if what my brother tells me are the bad aspects coming into play. At the end of the day, if they can't get on, then so be it.

I am not sure of the outcome of today, I have sort of being trying to avoid to get involved too much in my brother's stuff at the moment, it became a little bit overwhelming, needless to say if he really IS getting divorced, I will find out soon enough.

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Maybe it's worth telling him about it and my experience? Some folks, especially men (sorry no offense to the dudes!), are the least likely to pick up a self help book let alone ask for help. It messes with their pride and masculinity. If something doesn't shock their system and force them to open their eyes and ears they just think its the wind blowing. It wasn't until I asked my husband if he ever thought of me with contempt and answered honestly, without me leading to why I was asking, did he finally realize we were heading in the wrong direction like the book said.

 

But it's like you said some just don't work. The very least he could do is try to make an amicable split so that he can still be a part of his son's life without too much conflict. any negativity is not the kind of example you want to give to kids and they owe it to him to do something better. I hope they find a way to resolve the issue so that it's the best for all concerned.

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Guest angelina12

Thanks Chilli, I think things may have settled down for them now.

 

I'll see if he wants to read that book, it may help him avoid further trouble.

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