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DeMartini

Our romance is like a dreamy vacation, but is that all it is?

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I just started dating my boyfriend M 2 months ago. We have fun together, but mainly because we act more like kids than responsible adults. He is the CEO of his own start up, so he doesn't work much and lives a life of leisure. Every weekend with him feels like a vacation; I feel so carefree and dread when I have to snap back to reality and go home! I really love being around him, but I'm wondering if this is just a fun little fling, or something that can turn into so much more. He likes to show off what he has and although I'm not worried, I can't help but think that someone like him is looking for the prettiest girl he can get and will ditch me if a new pretty girl comes around and shows him attention. Then again, he did surprise me with the fact that he has a 6 month old child after we started dating. He knows that when dating, having a child usually is not an attractive detail. He appreciates how accepting I am of this and how much I help him him with the baby. I think that's another reason why he likes me around. Anyway, How do you guys see this relationship progressing? Am I wasting my time just fooling around with him?

 

Thank you!

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Guest Paige

Hi DeMartini,

 

Unfortunately, I don't feel like it will last. I feel he isn't emotionally/spritually ready for a true, lasting commitment, and won't be ready for a very long time. But this is just what I'm sensing, and I could be wrong.

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Hi DeMartini,

 

Unfortunately, I don't feel like it will last. I feel he isn't emotionally/spritually ready for a true, lasting commitment, and won't be ready for a very long time. But this is just what I'm sensing, and I could be wrong.

 

I kind of get that vibe from him. He's VERY immature and has a lot of growing up to do. He's really weird, though, in the beginning, he acted like I was the one he had been waiting for and even picked out the wine we would serve at our wedding if we were to get married. Lol Now he drops hints all the time that he's not ready to settle down and is looking for fun, but he insists he wants to be with me. I wonder why he doesn't just want to be friends when I ask him.... Maybe he doesn't know what he wants? I guess I should just go with the flow for now.

 

Thank you!

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Guest Moopurple

Even if he doesn't yet know if you're the one (2 months is not long enough for most people to decide such a huge thing), going from dating to just friends will completely eliminate the possibility of it progressing. Why does he have either that choice or the other?

 

Are you only looking for someone to settle down with? Or are you content with a relationship that might not be your final one?

 

I don't understand rushing to know what will happen at this point. If anything, putting the idea in your head that it won't last may trigger you to act in a way that causes it to not last. What if you stop taking it seriously or give no more effort?

 

Also...why do you think he'd so easily drop you for another woman? Is it your own personal insecurities or is the guy really capable of such a shallow move? Maybe that will help you determine whether YOU want it to last, rather than waiting to see what his desires are.

 

Just some things to keep in mind...

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Even if he doesn't yet know if you're the one (2 months is not long enough for most people to decide such a huge thing), going from dating to just friends will completely eliminate the possibility of it progressing. Why does he have either that choice or the other?

 

Are you only looking for someone to settle down with? Or are you content with a relationship that might not be your final one?

 

I don't understand rushing to know what will happen at this point. If anything, putting the idea in your head that it won't last may trigger you to act in a way that causes it to not last. What if you stop taking it seriously or give no more effort?

 

Also...why do you think he'd so easily drop you for another woman? Is it your own personal insecurities or is the guy really capable of such a shallow move? Maybe that will help you determine whether YOU want it to last, rather than waiting to see what his desires are.

 

Just some things to keep in mind...

I don't expect him to know if he wants to marry me now. I meant that I don't think he knows if he wants to be single or be in a relationship. He has said before that he doesn't want a girlfriend and that we should have just been friends, but that it's too late now because of the emotions he's put into being with me. I'm not trying to give him an ultimatum, but I also am looking for a relationship that will progress.

 

I am looking for someone to settle down with, but I don't want to force it. I wouldn't do anything to sacrifice what we have now, even if it could just be a fling.

 

He is somewhat shallow. I sometimes wonder why he wants to be with me. He tells me over and over again that my face is stunning and perfect and that's all that matters. I know he doesn't really think I could ever amount to anything more than a housewife, but he sees a lot of value in a housewife, so it's not totally negative. He also once told me that when he goes out, he looks around to make sure he has the prettiest girlfriend. I got offended when he told me this and he told me that every guy is always looking to be with the prettiest girl and to not worry because no one is prettier than me... I'm not sure if he was serious or he was actually trying to compliment in a really strange way.

 

We really do have fun together, so I'm not going to change anything... I just hope he doesn't drag my heart around for the sake of fulfilling his need for attention.

 

Thank you!

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Wow! I agree you should have fun and just love. Have this experience - immerse yourself into it, have no expectations. Wear your heart on your sleeve - why not? It is a wonderful thing to have another person to fulfill you in a loving way, but thinking it may not last (and who knows...) the relationship may not become what you want. Perhaps one relationship prepares you to love like no other in the next relationship. There is meaning in every situation, but try not to over analyze things. Forcing will only push away. Love and love will come to you.

 

You know my husband regularly tells me that as I get older, I become more beautiful in his eyes. He says he loves the maturity that my face is taking on as I become older.

 

Take Care,

 

SS

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Guest Moopurple

I don't expect him to know if he wants to marry me now. I meant that I don't think he knows if he wants to be single or be in a relationship. He has said before that he doesn't want a girlfriend and that we should have just been friends, but that it's too late now because of the emotions he's put into being with me. I'm not trying to give him an ultimatum, but I also am looking for a relationship that will progress.

 

 

Wow..okay. Definitely adds on to the information here. I don't even know what to say to that. It seems very selfish to me to do such a thing. Simply drag on a relationship you don't want to be in because you are emotionally attached. I've had it done to me. No fun and ends up being very hurtful.

 

And to say that all that matters is your pretty face and make you feel like you won't amount to anything...I don't know. I am baffled...Honestly speechless.

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DiMartini,

 

From what I understand you're loving being carefree and just having fun without the "dread" of the reality of what a real relationship requires. And it sounds to me that you don't seem to be as taken by this man on an intellectual/emotional level due to his immaturity (he sounds as tactless as a 19 year old - no offense to the young bucks here). Then maybe you should take the term 'dating' more seriously. What I mean is that if you haven't decided that you're mutually exclusive then maybe you should keep an eye out for "marriage material." (It's sweet that he has a 6 mo old daughter whom he's introduced you to but that's really young to be split from the baby's momma, did she pass?? If not that's a huge huge red flag against any serious commitment) Enjoy what you have going and don't invest yourself if you feel it won't be appreciated. 2 months is pretty early to decide things. When you find that you're getting emotionally attached then maybe you could bring it up then. Maybe true love can grow from this, one never truly knows. But if you're having fun and nobody's getting hurt - emotionally - then have fun without all the drama that comes with commitment. Who knows this could set the president for what you feel your relationships require. And fun should always be present :)

 

By the way, my husband and I started dating with the understanding that in 6 months he would graduate from grad school and probably move. I had told him thats fine as I was just looking for someone to enjoy life with without any serious commitment. For men they hear f-buddy. :rolleyes: But honestly I had 3 monogamous relationships that were serious and I did not want to invest my heart into another one. I just wanted to enjoy what ever we had with honesty. I'm taking about the idiotic things we sometimes say or do. There are a few people out there that inspire us to be better. And when I fall short it still surprises me how much he puts up with me. That said, although I cared deeply for him I never felt attached to him until a year after we started dating. I just didn't want to deal with the heartache again. I never thought we'd get married let alone be together for almost a 3rd of our lives. Oh and I almost killed our relationship 3 months in with a drunk text message that although were lyrics to a song, had the words "love you" in it. I love a lot of people for the awesome persons they are and that doesn't mean I want to marry them. Don't get me wrong I did, but I'm just saying. :lol:

 

Just wait and see :)

Edited by Chiili

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Thanks so much guys! :wub:

 

The mother of his son is still alive. He likes to say they were just sex buddies, but it definitely seems like they were boyfriend and girlfriend at one point. He detests her now.

 

He really confuses the heck out of me. He went with me to my friends wedding this weekend. a couple people told me that when I wasn't around him, he acted and spoke as if he were single. I of course got upset and started crying and he confronted everyone who said anything... It was so awkward!

 

He was completely different yesterday... He kept referring to feelings of falling in love and that someday he's probably going to buy me a ring. When we got back from watching his son, he gave me a hug and told me about how much he appreciates me and that originally he thought I was mooching off him, but now he sees differently and wants to be a better boyfriend. I asked him if he's like this because we almost broke up during the wedding and he got mad. He said my friends misinterpret his words and actions and that I owed him an apology for believing them.

 

I have the feeling he's the one getting really attached to me and doesn't want to let go of the attention he gets and the feelings of having a best friend who really cares for him. I think he worries about losing that which is why he's attempting to be nicer and pull me in closer. My brother thinks he likes me around on a selfish level because when it comes to taking care of his son, he's pretty much alone and I help him so much.

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