Forgot your password?
Stranded, December 10, 2012 in Member Blogs
I'm really sorry this has happened. Do you have anyway of going back home? If you do,that is probably the best thing to do. Go home and forget about her.
Thank you for sharing that experience. Unfortunately, what appears logical is not always the decision we want to make. You shouldn't be angry with yourself for it, as it is a learning experience.
I cannot agree with the idea that you should never get attached to people or meet anyone from online (as I did meet two of my very close friends online), but absolutely I agree with exercising caution and being aware of the risk.
I really hope that you are able to pull things together. I'm not even sure how to appropriately respond to this at the moment. It's pretty shocking that someone would do this, but people are capable of some cruel and awful things.
I recommend cutting off contact with this person if they're being abusive and threatening.
Stranded, It saddens me to hear of your experience. I, like Moopurple, have had the pleasure of meeting great many friends online, even one I've traveled afar to visit for 10 days. However, I've had a few experiences that have also reminded me to be weary of people I meet online. Still, it's a hard lesson to learn. Whether we meet them in person or online, you never know who they really are until you spend some one on one time.
Either way, what you have done shows great courage on your part in so many ways. You've proven that you are resourceful and have the perseverance and wit to see things through. Do not let this take you back to a negative state of mind but see it as an opportunity to move forward. You are in a place where you can show others yourself if you so choose. But if you need to head home do not see it as a failure on your part. You did an amazing thing. It proves that you are ready to trust and move forward. I'm sure the universe will see that act and try to reciprocate what you have put out. That said, not for nothing, you proven that you can trust yourself to seek happiness and help yourself to achieve a better life. You said it yourself, you took it upon yourself to see a therapist. That alone takes great courage and proves what you can accomplish for yourself. I don't know if you were expecting this person to provide you with that happiness and better life but you definitely are doing your best to do that and I just hope you can acknowledge that.
I hope that you can heal from this experience.
Sending you light and peace.
Yup, that's why I remember you (btw, I'm a "she" :). To be honest, I was slightly ambivalent to respond to your first post here. I always have the urge to help, to add to a conversation especially if I think I can. Most times I think I can (that would be my 'high and mighty' self, as you put it then ;) btw, I don't take offense :)). But that ambivalence did come up, maybe it was an energetic memory? Or maybe I'm just finally learning what energies don't jive with me. It's a very subtle thing that I'm learning to listen to.
Not to say I don't like you or have any reason dislike you currently. I don't. I honestly feel like you've grown so much since your original posts. You energy reads differently then from now. That said, I admire what you were able to accomplish in 4 short years.
You have posed very interesting questions to contemplate. I know they won't come to you immediately but what's amazing is that you are asking questions more of yourself, the inner you, than outside of yourself as you did then. What progress that is. ^_^ Do you journal? Seeing the old thread with your thoughts may have been overwhelming for you but it has allowed you to see things from a different perspective. Maybe it's worth writing it all down every now and again tp see where you have been and where are you going (or if you're not going anywhere. I write in a journal, and I tell ya, the latter, that's the one the surprises me the most).
What I mention next is only because I too have been recently introduced to the idea although it's something I was aware of for sometime. When you brought up that I called your actions as that of a 'psychic vampire' you had said: "It got me wondering. Is that the issue there? Have I been so low on gas these past few years that I've been trying to mooch off people, especially psychics and people with a special connection?" What if you were to open yourself up to the energy of the Universe? Such that you would have "a special connection." Would it help to not seek or want to rely on others to fulfill some need? The energy that I am suggesting is through learning Reiki.
You mentioned that psychics that say everyone can do it are those born with it. Me, not so much *shrugs* I've had to work for it. Whatever I am able to do I have researched and practiced. But I do feel blessed to have learned all I've learned and when I pay attention to the messages being sent (and I tell you, it's so random. I could be something someone says, writes, a tv show, a sign in store front, a song.. so random lol). With Reiki, it's like there is this energetic channel that connects us to all energy. We all have it, we just need someone to open it. There are ways to do it ourselves but what if you found someone to open yours? (I feel like it would benefit you as well as you may appreciate having someone do it for you). When you become attuned to this universal energy you can heal yourself and others as well. I wonder what would happen if you flipped it and sought not for others to help you but opportunities to help others and had the faculty to do so? I mean, you came back here to warn us. To prevent us from making the same mistake. You're trying to help by not having others relive what you have experienced... In helping others we sometimes help ourselves. And thats the beauty of reiki, as you heal others, you are healing yourself.
Again, I only mention this as I am learning about this myself and find this subject intriguing. It's taking me almost a year to finally say to myself maybe I should really check this out. Although, I was exposed to this idea several years ago but then I felt it was to daunting of a task to undertake, I'll let the 'naturals' do it. I didn't quite pay attention to the fact that there were simpler methods to acquire such skills. Go figure. Oh and it does not matter if you believe in a religion or god or nothing. I don't know where your beliefs lie now and don't want to impose anything just a suggestion to pop into a file cabinet in the back of your mind. If it's something to investigate further I'm sure it will come up. The universe has a way of guiding you to the answers you seek. Just as it has had you come back here several years later. :)
Last thought. Somewhat random although important I feel. As my husband read to our 2 yr old son this evening I was lying in bed next to them and I was finishing reading that old thread on the soul. When we finished my son asked if he could see my "work." I told him oh it's not work I was just reading. (At the time I didn't think I was working but I guess since I'm a moderator I am? I just do what I do, anyway...) He wanted to read it of course and I said no we're done with reading for tonight. He then said "I want to read about the monster in your book mommy." I said there's no monster in my book. He insisted "There is. There is." I asked oh, what makes you say that? And he responded "There's a monster in a dark cave. A scary monster. And he has a guard rail so people don't come in. And then when it opens he shuts it." *makes big chopping gestures with one hand over the other* "And then he plays with glass." I thought class, and asked but he said no and repeated what sounds like "glass." I tried ask him what he meant but he didn't seem to be able to clarify. But then he got all happy and said "He's a friendly monster that lives in a dark cave." I find my sons ideas of monsters interesting. Whenever he mentions one and if they're doing something bad he thinks all they need is a special blankie like he as one. It always makes it all better. He never views them as dangerous like most kids, he thinks that they just need comfort. Like Shrek, kind hearted just misunderstood :lol:
Anyway, random I know, just thought I'd mention it since it seemed to relate as to what was going on here.
while you are writing your journal
i believe if you start asking yourself questions by writing them down
instead of asking them to god or whatever entity you believe in
you will be surprised in how much you know
why am i so unhappy....what do i need to be happy again
why am i in so much pain that i don't want to exist anymore...how can i change this believe
ask yourself if you know the source where all this pain started
write all negative and positive things you can think off about yourself
try to get to know yourself and accept and forgive yourself why and how you became like this
this is not an easy task
choose a small negative thing about yourself
and keep asking question about the reason and the why and how it came to be
until you completely understand it, to be able to choose and change this limiting believe system or emotion or thoughts to something that helps you to become more happier
and be aware what your thoughts and feelings are while thinking about this , its all connected
and go from there
i think or hope your psychotherapist already explained such things
maybe start reading about positive thinking and affirmations or nlp techniques
or find a therapist that can help you with this if the current one isn't help-full enough
i wish you the best and maybe some-one else knows of a better way to change yourself :)
Sorry it took a while, I'm making stuff for christmas and it's taking alot longer than I expected (but I shoulda known it would such the procrastinator).
Music is a wonderful form of 'therapy.' It's just wonderful lol. I only look for dance videos on youtube, music is awesome if it moves internally or outwardly. The choreographers that can take any song and give it movement and the dancers that bring it to life are gems I cherish every day. So Awesome. ^_^
Journaling is great! I've been doing it since I was 14 (that's 18 yrs ;) and I've kept them too. Man, going back and reading it i didn't realize how angry and hormonal I was :lol: Teenagers, go figure. What's funny is that I kept all that to myself. So what I remember of myself is this nice, quiet, occasionally sarcastic, but considerate girl. The later (except for quiet) is generally true lol.
As for my little man, he's 2 yrs and 5 mo today. And I'm like way ahead of you lol Don't get me wrong there are some things that I can't know how things will turn out till it happens but we're learning and will continue to do so. He's definitely really loved at home. His father adores him and tries to make it home in time to see him and wakes up early with him just to spend time with him. Outside of that he is very caring and considerate, sometimes a little too pushy (as men like to be because they want their little boys to be men at age 5, LOL) but that is his personality and my son has learned to deal with him (by saying Nooooooo. *tantrum* and then I laugh inside because I think "if he would only listen. But keep my mouth shut because I know I've been there and think, he's 2 ya silly twit). Also not only is he very communicative but he also knows how to articulate his emotions. I've read so many books on emotional intelligence, child development (especially and specifically on boys) and parenting him along the philosophy of attachment parenting that coupled with common sense and prudence and I think we'll be okay *crossing fingers.* I have an understanding of the world that boys these days are growing up in and I try my best to to guide him in such a way that he can be confident in himself through his actions, choices, and beliefs and caring of others as an adult. The spin on the whole thing is that he can be a little psychic sometimes, and very empathetic. He is a sensitive child in every way, as I imagine most are if parents just listen (and not just with their ears) to their kids and so we do our best to nurture him through it and let him know that he is supported and loved. Even when he's having the worst tantrums ever He does everything on his own time and that's fine. He's so far ahead in some ways that if he wants to hold back in other areas that's fine by me. With that in mind I am planning on homeschooling. We'll still try to put him in a good school, and there are not very many in the US, but if it's not working out I'm totally fine with doing that till he's ready.There have been studies that have shown that early socialization is NOT good for children. (And with recent events, it has definitely kinda put that push in my mind for it.) There are many moms in my area that homeschool and what's wonderful is that they get together and socialize and have fun with one another and become friends and supporters. I was too "smart" for school and would get frustrated with the pettiness of my classmates and my so-called best friends but I loved learning and was fortunate to have met many adults growing up that would nurture me as grew up. That said, there are very few people that my son accepts in his world and he's very cautious of other peoples energies and doesn't put up with people who just look at him like a cute little piece of meat without a thought in his mind. Frustrates me to no end when people are like 'oh look at the cute little baby" and my lil Z being as thoughtful as he is tries to respond and they're totally not listening Like this one time, we bump into our neighbor and he's like "oh are you going to the park today?" My son says "no, we're going to the library to pick up some books." So he goes on and says, "So do you like the swings or the slide?" My son just stayed shut. Probably thinking what is this guy talking about? LOL Anyway I could go on but I won't.
But his story was an interesting one. Like the if you're the monster idea that you're friendly but you're living in a dark place. And not for nothing but 4 years ago it was hard to get close to you, so many tried to but you didn't want anyone in then. I don't know about the glasses thing, maybe it validates his 'reading' somehow, who knows. ^_^
In any event, I realized you're in a far off place with some friendly faces who are probably in similar boats. They may be looking for companionship as well, it wouldn't hurt to just get to know them. Even if the relationship only lasts for a little while but who knows it could last a life time. You're already occupying the same space and having similar experiences. It could be beneficial for you.
As for Reiki, there was a post I put up once asking about it here on the guild. Its pretty recent, just look in the health and wellbeing section or search under Reiki. Village Witch put up a few recommendations one of which tells you how to attune yourself. It's worth checking out and it's a pretty quick read. You can just chill in the bookstore and check it out an see what you think before making any commitments. :)
I have read Dune! Just the first one, Awesome book. I had major concerns when I was pregnant and doing all my psychic practices and the dreams I was having then that it really seriously made me think that my son would be like her and well I guess I was kinda right lol. People occasionally look at him like he's a talking yorkie or something. "Aw how cute - Oh snap it speaks! LMAO :D
But I see what you mean by your frustrations back then. I just had to think of when my son has a tantrum over something because it's not 'exactly as he wants it.' I'm talking exactly, and something close to it is definitely not what he was looking for. At that point if there's nothing that can be done and I let him know that this is not a situation where I can help but when he calms down he can get back to me (there are no timeouts like go to your room, just a break). Then he just deals with his frustration and when he moves past it he can feel free to try to use his resources to get what he wants or join in another activity. I wonder, if I had a kid back then how and if I would have handled the situation differently? Don't know if I would have changed much...
In any event,
Merry Christmas to you too!
Stranded, Dude it's been a while. I honestly thought you'd gone back home by now. Despite not having the supportive family to go home to you did have a way to support yourself, familiar surroundings and your therapist which you said you made great progress with. Speaking of, you'd be surprised at how many people we just say "This is not the place to seek help, you should seek therapy by a qualified person." Thoughts of suicide isn't something to play around with. You really should seek help from someone qualified to do so.
CosmicEgg made a good point. You have to own yourself, your choices and your responsibilites to yourself. When you realize that, you'll have much more control over your life and when things go awry, as life does, you'll be better equiped to handle it. You choose how you want to see and react to the world. It's easier to change yourself than to fight to change everyone around you.
I found some interesting stuff in the last day or two that you may find interesting. This one is a different take on 'faking it till you make it." It's rather interesting.
The other are some quotes members posted up just today and I feel it is appropriate to your current circumstance.
"If I regarded my life from the point of view of the pessimist, I should be undone. I should seek in vain for the light that does not visit my eyes and the music that does not ring in my ears. I should beg night and day and never be satisfied. I should sit apart in awful solitude, a prey to fear and despair. But since I consider it a duty to myself and to others to be happy, I escape a misery worse than any physical deprivation." - Helen Keller
True happiness is fidelity to a working purpose. ~ Helen Keller
We all have days, weeks, months yes even years, where things just don't go our way. But as far as I know for those of us here, we are working towards a better and happier life. Here at the guild we do our best to take care of one another, support one another as best as we can from our computers. It is a safe haven from all the negativity and drama that we see in our everyday lives. We do our best to provide a positive environment so that we can help eachother stay positive as we go through the tough patches in life. The catch is we have to be working towards it, it's by no stretch a free meal. You have to want to make your life better and do the work to keep it so despite the curve balls that get sent your way. Otherwise it's just wasted time and effort for everyone. We can't do or be everything for you. We will not be responsible for what happens in your life nor your happiness or unhappiness. That's a choice that belongs soley to you. The best we can do is compliment the positive goals that you are working towards.
Feel free to read affirmations and try them, try a dark energy removal, ask for healing and positivity. Meanwhile really do consider seeking therapy where you are or head back home to regain the good that you once had.
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Already have an account? Sign in here.