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Are We Meant To Be?

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My husband and I met and married rather fast back in 2010. When our eyes locked for the first time it felt like I'd found my happily ever after. I didn't think he felt the same, but when we got to talking we knew right then and there this was it.

 

Lately, however, things have become strenuous. He worries me when he leaves the house all the time to go on walks because I'm afraid he'll leave and never come back. Then when he's here I just want to be alone and away from him. He's angry, aloof and I'm annoyed, scared. We mostly argue over money and starting our family. He says he's ready, but his actions say no and he already has a child with an ex girlfriend. I'm more than ready and all of this is back and forth about the subject of having our own children together is making me anxious.

 

My husband talks constantly about moving back to his hometown (2 hours away) and I have no interest in leaving because this city is my home. He's been living in my city for a total of 5 years now so it's not like he just arrived when we met. My husband's birthday is November 29, 1984 and mine's is April 5, 1988. Is this a match that's likely to work out? How can I help my husband open up to me? It came so easy in the beginning and now not so much.

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According to your astrological sun signs you are compatible. I also think you guys will work all of this out and be fine. You are just going through a rough patch. It happens to all couples every so often. Things can't be rainbows and sunshine all the time. ^.^

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Guest Moopurple

It sounds like there is a huge communication block here. One of you is failing to speak honestly about how you're feeling. Both signs point to possible future resentment and a likely end to the relationship. Silence, fear, anger, annoyance, aloofness...all signs that you two really need to sit down and discuss how you're feeling.

 

If you don't know where to begin, maybe couple's counseling may help?

 

I don't think this is a situation where it will be alright if you just let it pass. You need to actively work toward figuring out what is going on with the relationship and why you are scared he's going to leave/why he's angry.

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According to your astrological sun signs you are compatible. I also think you guys will work all of this out and be fine. You are just going through a rough patch. It happens to all couples every so often. Things can't be rainbows and sunshine all the time. ^.^

 

Prior to getting married I was hopelessly single and thought once I found someone I'd never argue with them because I'd be so grateful to not be alone anymore. I've since been rudely awakened to the fact that things can't be perfect all the time. Thank you so much.

 

It sounds like there is a huge communication block here. One of you is failing to speak honestly about how you're feeling. Both signs point to possible future resentment and a likely end to the relationship. Silence, fear, anger, annoyance, aloofness...all signs that you two really need to sit down and discuss how you're feeling.

 

If you don't know where to begin, maybe couple's counseling may help?

 

I don't think this is a situation where it will be alright if you just let it pass. You need to actively work toward figuring out what is going on with the relationship and why you are scared he's going to leave/why he's angry.

 

I feel like I'm being honest with him and he makes me feel bad all the time for caring so much. MY husband is always having to leave and hates being cooped on up in the house. Sometimes I feel that he prefers outsiders (friends) over me and I resent him for it. We did marriage counseling and the counselor said we're not on the same page at all about having a child and it's my call if I want to stay in the relationship. This was a few years ago and I chose to stay so it's no shock that I'm dissatisfied. I suppose we could go back to therapy, but my husband isn't interested and talking to him is like trying to get blood from a turnip.

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So,what you're saying is,you feel he doesn't listen to you and prefers other people's company?

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So,what you're saying is,you feel he doesn't listen to you and prefers other people's company?

 

Yes and it's driving me up the wall.

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My husband and I met and married rather fast back in 2010. When our eyes locked for the first time it felt like I'd found my happily ever after. I didn't think he felt the same, but when we got to talking we knew right then and there this was it.

 

Lately, however, things have become strenuous. He worries me when he leaves the house all the time to go on walks because I'm afraid he'll leave and never come back. Then when he's here I just want to be alone and away from him. He's angry, aloof and I'm annoyed, scared. We mostly argue over money and starting our family. He says he's ready, but his actions say no and he already has a child with an ex girlfriend. I'm more than ready and all of this is back and forth about the subject of having our own children together is making me anxious.

 

My husband talks constantly about moving back to his hometown (2 hours away) and I have no interest in leaving because this city is my home. He's been living in my city for a total of 5 years now so it's not like he just arrived when we met. My husband's birthday is November 29, 1984 and mine's is April 5, 1988. Is this a match that's likely to work out? How can I help my husband open up to me? It came so easy in the beginning and now not so much.

 

Very strange situation you have solution is only talk clearly with the help of family may be you get a very sweet relation between both of you.

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It sounds to me like you are at a crossroads, do you stay with your husband and have children together or do you part now, when it is relatively easy to do so without children to worry about.

 

Do you think your relationship would be better if you had children? Or would he still like to go out on his own all of the time? This is what you need to know. You need to ask him how things will be if you have children, will they be better or worse. You need to talk talk talk....ask him everything you need to know. If this ends in a decision to split up, it is better now than when you have children to look after.

 

 

 

That sounds as if you are putting him before yourself. Try to find a more equal balance in the relationship. If you dont speak up about things, they fester and get worse. The most important thing in a relationship is communication. I think you need to ask him what he wants from your marriage, and take the conversation from there.angel.gif

 

Good luck

 

I am getting a feeling that this could go either way, but if you stay together you must both learn to communicate, to sit and talk from the heart, to give each other time to listen, to not be scared to ask what is on the others mind.

 

Dont get into a blame game, but focus on you both learning to communicate effectively and openly with each other.

 

I know a couples meditation I can send to you, if you would like to try it.angel.gif

@ Chamuel you gave a good solution. :)

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My husband and I met and married rather fast back in 2010. When our eyes locked for the first time it felt like I'd found my happily ever after. I didn't think he felt the same, but when we got to talking we knew right then and there this was it.

 

Lately, however, things have become strenuous. He worries me when he leaves the house all the time to go on walks because I'm afraid he'll leave and never come back. Then when he's here I just want to be alone and away from him. He's angry, aloof and I'm annoyed, scared. We mostly argue over money and starting our family. He says he's ready, but his actions say no and he already has a child with an ex girlfriend. I'm more than ready and all of this is back and forth about the subject of having our own children together is making me anxious.

 

My husband talks constantly about moving back to his hometown (2 hours away) and I have no interest in leaving because this city is my home. He's been living in my city for a total of 5 years now so it's not like he just arrived when we met. My husband's birthday is November 29, 1984 and mine's is April 5, 1988. Is this a match that's likely to work out? How can I help my husband open up to me? It came so easy in the beginning and now not so much.

 

I am not psychic. This is just my opinion. If you are having money issues you should try and fix those before having a kid. Money issues can put alot of stress on a relationship. Whenever guys go on walks by themselves away from you in my experience its cause they're stressed probably frustrated and maybe even a little afraid(of your wrath). Try not being so hard on him and helping him manage money by budgeting couponing etc if he isnt making enough or help him in his job search if hes unemployed. And if the problem is debt,help him pay it off with your own money. I don't really know the situation but fighting about money is a big issue. As long as he isn't willfully jeopordizing the financial situation currently by spending carelessly all the time on designer stuff or crazy business schemes etc. you guys can work it out. You'd be surprised how much in life you can get for free. Its not worth losing your relationship over.

 

With the kid thing he may be "ready" but nervous and maybe worried because of the financial situation. Once you get the finances sorted come back to it cause the last thing you want to do is bring a child into an already financially unstable and stressful home anyway. He might feel more comfortable with the idea of a child when hes more comfortable in the relationship in general.

 

Also his hometown is only 2 hours away and hes lived in your town for 5 years . I think you should concede on this and move back home with him for a while. Isn't it selfish of you to want to stay in your home always with all your friends and family while his are far away. Its not like your moving to China or anything either. Beside you never know you might like it. Also if his town is small it will be cheaper to live there and you can go on lots of romantic walks and stuff. Just make sure you get a job offer before moving there.

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Looking at your astrological profiles, it seems your relationship must consciously strive to achieve a dynamic balance between high energy levels. You need to find the middle ground between results and ethics. Although well suited to each other in your mutual zest for life, the two of you will have important differences in outlook that can strain the relationship. Even so, this combination can be faithful, directed, upbeat, successful and, as a love relationship, romantic. The relationship will do best if it emphasizes what the two of you have in common (a general outlook) rather than your differences (in approach). For one thing, you Tina are generally more ambitious than your husband, whom you may find curiously passive at times in career matters. Conversely, he has a strong ethical code and can find serious fault with your desire to get ahead at any cost. Should you indulge in amoral or outright immoral behaviour (as he see it), he may be disapproving or judgmental, and in extreme cases will abruptly end the relationship. It's ironic because he has a vivid fantasy sex life that could be defined as immoral. Your love affair can run the risk of early burnout but if you take it slowly, you can make it to marriage and be very compatible in it.

 

What your hubby wants most is to merge with someone's energy and feel mutual empowerment. He is looking for total, permanent commitment and a dependable partner whom he can count on to take care of all his emotional needs, and he will take care of their material needs - or vice versa. He will never stray if these 'requirements' are met. His downfall is that he seeks his self-worth through others which can prompt an unending search for a soulmate. But he can only achieve completeness within himself - no one else can do that for him, not even his soulmate. He will never find what he wants most in anyone else - he must walk his own path and be his own person, free from needing other people's approval. You on the other hand want to be right all the time and to be perfect in the sense that you and everyone else is following 'the plan' 100 percent of the time. But your compulsive need for order can lead you into a neverending search for a perfection that doesn't exist. All relationships have their ups and downs and require work. your marriage will never be perfect nor will you and your husband but you can certainly make the best of it.

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