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Nana1987

How do you heal your heart?

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There was a time where everything was going smoothly and perfectly in my life, but as usual, things changed. The hardships have brought valuable lessons, but also, they have left me hurt and weak.

 

I was told to learn to love myself more, and that I need to heal my heart. But how do you heal your heart?

 

If you know ways of healing and unblocking your heart, and yourself as a whole, please share them so that we can all see. It could include thoughts, actions, psychic advice, non-psychic advice, etc.

 

To start I came up with a few ideas of how I will heal myself that could also help others:

1) Open up time for myself - I always keep busy with work, school, and some other people's responsibilities but now I choose to free up some time from those things so I can have time to rest, to laugh, to read, to pursue other hobbies, and to be with friends and family.

 

2) Find hobbies/stay physically active - I decided to pursue some hobbies that I wanted to do before and I never did, so after I free up some time here I go to the gym and ice skating classes :) yaaaaay!

 

3) Pray - keep in touch with God, thank him, request his help and guidance, his strength, and his love.

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There was a time where everything was going smoothly and perfectly in my life, but as usual, things changed. The hardships have brought valuable lessons, but also, they have left me hurt and weak.

 

I was told to learn to love myself more, and that I need to heal my heart. But how do you heal your heart?

 

If you know ways of healing and unblocking your heart, and yourself as a whole, please share them so that we can all see. It could include thoughts, actions, psychic advice, non-psychic advice, etc.

 

To start I came up with a few ideas of how I will heal myself that could also help others:

1) Open up time for myself - I always keep busy with work, school, and some other people's responsibilities but now I choose to free up some time from those things so I can have time to rest, to laugh, to read, to pursue other hobbies, and to be with friends and family.

 

2) Find hobbies/stay physically active - I decided to pursue some hobbies that I wanted to do before and I never did, so after I free up some time here I go to the gym and ice skating classes :) yaaaaay!

 

3) Pray - keep in touch with God, thank him, request his help and guidance, his strength, and his love.

 

 

Very nice ideas Nana. :-) I agree with all of them. Though it is nice to keep busy, but it's also good to be honest with yourself too. I feel that someone cannot fully heal unless they are honest with themselves first. Maybe say what hurt you or broke your heart out loud or keep a diary so one would know exactly what hurt them and they can put an emphasis on that in the healing process. I like to keep a journal anyways because I like to look back and see how far I've come. :-)

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does forgiveness also help to heal a persons heart

 

 

Yes! Most definitely! Whether it's to forgive someone or to forgive ourselves. We're human. We all have personal issues with ourselves too. I think if we make amends with ourselves our spiritual energy will be a lot stronger.

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does forgiveness also help to heal a persons heart

 

Define forgiveness. :)

 

I have found that learning to accept yourself for who you are is the first step to healing. I won't tell you to love yourself as how does one command love? Acceptance of yourself with faults as well as good qualities is one's best option. People who try to change themselves fight a loosing battle.

 

Understanding who and what you are and who and what the other person(s) is and what shapes and molds them goes a long way in letting go of pain and resentment. When we put people into roles that we expect them to play, we often ask too much of them and ourselves.

 

There are times when we want to feel brokenhearted or downtrodden. I do. I sometimes seek those dark places. Broken hearts need to be acknowledged and not run away from. That doesn't mean it's okay to wallow in self pity. It simply means that a person needs to grieve and acknowledge loss. Then they need to take steps to step out of the rut they are in and allow themselves to explore the world anew.

 

A book I enjoyed is Heartbreak by Ginette Paris.

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When we hurt, it is because we are not seeing how much we gained from a person or experience. You need to look at every instance of heartbreak in your life, Nana, and find the positive reason it happened. There was a lesson contained within the experience that made you stronger and wiser. When you can be grateful for the lesson and happy it happened, you will let go of any pain associated with it - and your heart will heal.

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Maybe say what hurt you or broke your heart out loud or keep a diary so one would know exactly what hurt them and they can put an emphasis on that in the healing process. I like to keep a journal anyways because I like to look back and see how far I've come. :-)

 

Thank you Raven! That is a great idea, sometimes we just react to our pain, but it is important to be honest to ourselves and others, to understand why do we feel hurt, and then heal and learn from the experience.

 

 

I have found that learning to accept yourself for who you are is the first step to healing. I won't tell you to love yourself as how does one command love? Acceptance of yourself with faults as well as good qualities is one's best option. People who try to change themselves fight a loosing battle.

 

Understanding who and what you are and who and what the other person(s) is and what shapes and molds them goes a long way in letting go of pain and resentment. When we put people into roles that we expect them to play, we often ask too much of them and ourselves.

 

Village Witch that is also a great advice. I don't necessarily think that suggesting to love ourselves is a bad way to put it, it is true that you can't command love, but at least to me, I see love as a choice, and we should always chose to love and accept ourselves :wub: ... and I agree with you that we need to accept others as they are, instead of expect them to fit in our models, that really could save us from a lot of pain.

 

a person needs to grieve and acknowledge loss. Then they need to take steps to step out of the rut they are in and allow themselves to explore the world anew.

 

I agree, when you feel you have loss someone very special in your life, it is okay to grieve, but do not dwell in that grieve, go out and enjoy what life has for you, because everything happens for a reason.

 

When we hurt, it is because we are not seeing how much we gained from a person or experience. You need to look at every instance of heartbreak in your life, Nana, and find the positive reason it happened. There was a lesson contained within the experience that made you stronger and wiser. When you can be grateful for the lesson and happy it happened, you will let go of any pain associated with it - and your heart will heal.

 

Captain, you are so right! For me, it is not so hard to learn the lesson, and see how it can help me grow. I guess I can find the positive reason behind it, but the problem for me is letting go. Although a lot has happened in the last year, I think of the last blow to my heart. Sometimes even after I learn a lesson, I still want the person back and it hurts, I know sometimes things are meant to be short, the person was just there for a reason so that I could learn the lesson, but it simply hurts to let go completely of someone I love. But then, maybe one last lesson I need to learn is to let go, and at this point, that breaks my heart.

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I think forgiveness does help, Nigel. Letting go of resentment is really key to releasing the thoughts that are causing so much pain. Hopefully the events you have been through (whether the pain was caused by you or another) are things that can be forgiven.

 

And I absolutely agree that learning to love or just be happy with yourself does help immensely. It was extremely hard for me to get over heartbreak when I wasn't pleased with who I was as a person. I learned to accept aspects that I couldn't change, and changed those that I felt would push me forward. Now, I like myself. And it's made other people's actions toward me much easier to deal with. I no longer get lost in wondering what is wrong with me (why did they break up with me, why don't they want to be my friend?), but try to keep in mind that it's not me alone, but the relationship as a whole...what was wrong with it? Loss of compatibility does not mean a personal fault or flaw. And it makes it so much easier. I don't tend to fall into the pit of self-blame anymore and hurt myself even further.

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You don't have to stop loving them - just stop needing to be loved by them.

 

Thank you Captain, I also red your other reply on your thread, and you might be right about my fear of abandonment/rejection. I have always broken up the relationships I'm in during the first months because I freak out when I start feeling that maybe the other person doesn't really love/care about me. However, when I was younger if a guy didn't care it would hurt but I would easily move on, and most guys would try to go back and it made me feel more secure (plus to be honest it fed my ego). It can definitely come from childhood b/c my dad was a serial cheater and I grew up seeing my mom suffering so much, and after the divorce, my dad has never really cared about me and my brother.

 

This time things were very different, I'm older now, and the other person is much older than me, and I'm in the middle of a lot of stress caused by another situation. I fell in love without even thinking it would happen and I really love him, I felt so happy with him until I started doubting him, and my fears combined with the stress I've been in for the past year took over and I broke up the relationship and later regretted it and tried to get in touch with the person, and explain to him, but I feel so rejected by him that it hurts, and makes me think that I was right all this time, that he didn't really care... but at the same time I repeat scenes in my mind and I feel like he had to care (maybe he is just like me, afraid b/c his ex cheated on him with his friend and left him). We were both nice to each other after the break up, but now we have no contact. Anyway, there is a lot more going on, but I guess you are right that I need to stop needing to be loved by the people I love.

 

 

Now, I like myself. And it's made other people's actions toward me much easier to deal with... I don't tend to fall into the pit of self-blame anymore and hurt myself even further.

 

Thank you Moopurple, very well said. Sometimes we fall into the self-blame attitude that can be so destructive.

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Nana you said "maybe he is just like me, afraid b/c his ex cheated on him with his friend and left him". That is why we need to make ourselves whole and healthy before we seek outside relationships - we attract to us what we give out. Most of us do love the wrong way around - we seek someone to make us whole and complete, while we should be healing and completing our relationship with ourselves first in order to attract a healed soulmate. :love:

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we need to make ourselves whole and healthy before we seek outside relationships - we attract to us what we give out. Most of us do love the wrong way around - we seek someone to make us whole and complete, while we should be healing and completing our relationship with ourselves first in order to attract a healed soulmate. :love:

 

Captain thanks again! Your insights have helped me so much you have no idea. Like I said before, I wasn't really looking for a relationship, but I fell in love and just went with it (I should have waited). After you pointed out the fear of rejection and abandonment is like I've been feeling better, I even feel okay with letting go now (I still love him though), so those are the real fears that were bugging me. The pain on my chest has been reduced to almost nothing. I also did what Raven recommended, and put my emotions in check about what really had hurt me and yes, the biggest pain was that he had rejected me, "left" me, and had not really cared :blink: - which probably are not even real, because I think he did care as much as I did, but we are both in need of healing.

 

Believe it or not, I'm feeling better about his actions now, and I feel like I can love him :wub: , even if he rejects me, and even if I never see him again.

 

Btw... another item to the list that has been helping me heal:

-Guided meditations (I've done like 10 since yesterday lol, one about healing your heart, about healing your chakras, self-esteem, unconditional love).

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Good for you, Nana! We are all here for you when you need us - you are not alone. We are all connected and we can help each other get through this test called 'life'. :wub:

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Good for you, Nana! We are all here for you when you need us - you are not alone. We are all connected and we can help each other get through this test called 'life'. :wub:

 

Thank you!! :)

 

Now I really see that falling in love at the "wrong" time was the right thing for me. I feel I lost a great partner because of my fears, but that loss has pushed me to start doing things I wasn't planning to do but that are/will be benefiting me a lot. Thankfully I've also become more aware of my real fears :) and you guided me with that. I wouldn't even be on this forum if it wasn't because of that loss. I was doing another meditation and in my mind I got that my biggest obstacles to love are my fears and expectations. I need to let go of my fears, and not expect so much from me and others in the sense that we are all humans.

 

Now I feel so hopeful and although I still get the blues, I feel the change is happening very quickly, and I'm very happy. I also got in my mind that I might not get back with him, but if I do, I need to give the situation a lot of time, and I have to have a lot of hope, faith, and love. I also must not contact him anymore.

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the reason I asked was that when I was a kid I didn't have much interaction with my dad because he was working and I kept thinking that has contributed to me often feeling distant from my dad even though we have been together under the same roof for 31 years

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Yes Nigel, you cannot heal unless you forgive. Try to get past your old childhood feelings for your dad and establish a new relationship with him, adult-to-adult. He may have thought he was being a good father by working hard to provide for you when you were young. By getting to understand your father (and he you), you can achieve forgiveness and healing.

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Nigel I hope you can forgive your dad. I was reading something the other day about forgiveness, and it made a lot of sense even if not everything I read was true.

 

So like Captain said, forgiveness is another way to heal, and here is some reasons why I think forgiving heals the heart:

 

1) When you don't forgive you harbor negative thoughts and energy within yourself (the other person might not even be aware, so you might be hurting yourself alone).

 

2) Forgiving releases bad karma (that is what I red, since karma means that for every action there is an equal reaction, then when you forgive others, others start forgiving you and you can forgive yourself and clean some bad karma).

 

It's funny that after I posted this here, my dad contacted me (and I almost never hear from him), so it almost felt like a sign to me. I do forgive my dad, but I just need to work on my fears. I also talked to my mom, and told her about forgiving, and she is also working on forgiving my dad, I know he hurt her a lot in the past, but I told her the same thing I'm posting here.

 

Also, my ex and I got in contact, and he said he did want me in his life, that I was a great person, that he did want to see me (but didn't say when) and said that if he hadn't been good enough for me before, that he probably wouldn't be good for me now, and asked me what I thought about that (it was an e-mail). I replied and now it's up to him to make the next move. I made it clear that a relationship goes both ways and that if he doesn't contact me, I'm letting go, but that if he wants me in his life I'm here for him (we didn't really talk about getting back, but just in general, a friends relationship or any kind of relationship).

 

Hope everyone is healing :)... I'm feeling much better now, and I've learned a lot in the past few weeks.

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But do you have to forgive someone to feel better? I've been through things too and I most certainly will not ever forgive this person, but I just want to let go of it, not forgive them. Just leave it be, leave the pain, let it go without forgiving them. Forgiving them is wrong.

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You are not hurting the other person by not forgiving them - you are only hurting yourself by holding onto anger and hard feelings. That bad feeling stays inside you and festers and even grows, making you ill. It doesn't hurt the other person. If you haven't told this person how much they hurt you then you should, so as to release all that stored up bile and bitterness. Let it go - you don't have to trust or be friends with this person ever again, just forgive them for being human and move on.

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But do you have to forgive someone to feel better? I've been through things too and I most certainly will not ever forgive this person, but I just want to let go of it, not forgive them. Just leave it be, leave the pain, let it go without forgiving them. Forgiving them is wrong.

 

Sybil I don't know if by letting go but not forgiving you mean not giving someone another chance at a relationship or something like that. For example, someone cheats on you or is abusive, then no, you don't have to give that person another chance or stay with them, but you CAN forgive them without having to keep them in your life as best friends forever.

 

Even when you meet a nice stranger you don't necessarily have to be their best friend, girl/boyfriend, etc. In the same way, if a relationship is not good you don't need to stay, and you have a choice. But, forgiving is simply not harboring negative feelings towards that person who wronged you, you don't wish them to suffer as much but instead forgive them and wish them the best. Forgiving is accepting someone's apology, and even loving them (from a long distance if that's what is best for you).

 

Please forgive them, it is not wrong, and in fact it is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. Let go WITH forgiveness.

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Symply say, healers work with a soul, doctors - with a phisical body. Not correct question, how to heal a heart. Explain in an example. Would you ask a doctor, why my head is ill? He will say:-Don't know. May be somebody hit you or you've drunk many alcohol and so on.

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I think this thread is a really powerful and reassuring one!! I'm keeping it on bookmark haha

I love all the advice and wisdom that's around here it helps so much and I always just happen to stumble across it when I need it most! Funny that :rolleyes

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