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sincelush

Lost my first love

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My ex and I were together for 4 years before we broke up. It was mutually felt although he was the one to actually leave. I wasn't happy in the relationship but as soon as it was over I began to miss him. We were best friends turned into first loves. After the breakup we tried to remain friends. He used to call to console me on nights when I took the breakup too hard. We broke up in February and stayed friends up until recently.

 

Two nights ago I found out that he had hooked up with one of his friends that he knew before we broke up. The idea devastated me. When we broke up he promised me he wanted to be alone so we can both grow individually. I believe him. I was so upset I called him to talk about it. He promised me it was a drunk mistake (which I understand and believe him). We fought, cried, talked things through and came to the only conclusion that can happen; we had to break ties. No talking, no texting, no friendship. I told him I wouldn't contact him until he contacts me (that's my own safeguard so I won't break NC). He told me he wanted me to be happy, I told him I was scared he'd forget me. We both know there is energy and love left between us. If we stayed friends it would only hurt more.

 

It's been a day since we've started no contact and I'm a mess. I feel like we broke up all over again. I cry at work, I cry at the gym, I cry at home. All I can think about is him hooking up with that girl. I deleted his number in my phone, took him off facebook and removed anything that reminds me of him. I don't know what else to do. I've now lost my first love, the only person I've been with my late adolescent and adult live AND my best friend.

 

I've tried to get out of the house, be with other friends, try new things, workout, work on myself- everything under the sun. Nothing shakes the feelings of devastating loss. It was like this in February then when we settled into friendship it got better. Now I'm back at square one. I wish there was a way to know if he'll make his way back into my life when we both grow. I still feel the energy between us and I have an unsettling feeling that things are not over. I've had instincts that have been right in the past but I don't know anymore. Help!

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They say time heals a broken heart which might be true. I have a similar story to yours. My first love, together almost 4 years, he left. It'll get better. I promise. Just stay strong!

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They say time heals a broken heart which might be true. I have a similar story to yours. My first love, together almost 4 years, he left. It'll get better. I promise. Just stay strong!

 

Do you ever feel like he'll come back?

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Do you ever feel like he'll come back?

 

No I don't and I pray he doesn't! He really hurt me and I never want to see him again. I'm completely over him.

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he is your first love and thus it will take more time to get over. take your time to let it heal. when you do, and are ready to move on, someone else will come along that will make your ex feel like a distant memory. just wait for hindsight. ;)

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Oh goodness...I totally empathize with you. I know that pain, but it gets better. It's a slow process. But you will get over him in time and find yourself with someone who you are happier with.

 

Avoiding all contact is the best way to get over someone. Don't cave. I had to learn that...and ended up getting EXTREMELY hurt because of it.

When you're ready, start going on dates with other guys. It will help the healing process because you will be able to see yourself with someone besides just your first love. In the meantime, I'm sure you have friends and family to lend you emotional support. Cry when you need to.

 

I know the feeling like all you want is to have them back in your life, but eventually you will find a relationship that truly makes you happy. Assuming that you might get back together one day is going to make it sooo much harder for you to move on.

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Getting over my first love was a nightmare! I cried a lot too.. it's really totally normal. It's gonna hurt, but you'll be okay eventually. Let yourself feel what you need to feel, but then let it go. Do you meditate? I'm sure it would help to. :) Or, if you prefer, try to direct your energy into something physical. Run, bike, do yoga, dance, go out with your friends.. the possibilities are endless! You could even pick up a hobby, like knitting or something!

 

Many doors have opened for you now. I know it feels hopeless and I know that it really does feel hopeless! But you'll get through it :)

 

Oh and btw, I'm with an AMAZING guy now who does his absolute best to take care of me.. and he does it so well.. He and I get along at least 100 million times better than I did with any of my exes, even the ones I sincerely believed I would marry.

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I am so sorry you are hurting :(

 

Your first love is so very special, and it always will be.. I still think very fondly of my first love after many many years! We never got back together (I left him because he kissed another girl).. At that age I felt that it was a major betrayal..

We always thought that we would get married, and he was in and out of my life (as distant friends) for many years until about 12yrs ago.

 

The pain gets easier to deal with and you will be ok! Allow yourself to grieve, to cry, to feel hurt. You will come out of it so much stronger, and so much wiser!

 

Best of luck!

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Wowwwww almost the exact same thing happened with me. I did exactly what you did after I had a mental breakdown one day, it was like a turning point and I just said to myself - that's enough. No more. I got rid of everything that reminded me of him or even had the slightest connection to him. And I learnt that this was the best thing to have done even though it was excruciatingly hard.

 

It still took me months to get over him! First loves are horrific (if they end!) and yet they're so enlightening. I learnt so much about myself and discovered how I had that potential to care and feel so much for another person - I finally understood the saying about how its better to have loved and gotten hurt than to have never loved at all (cant remember the exact words but its something along those lines :lol: actually think it's a Moulin Rouge quote!)

 

I remember how it was a constant battle to not try and find out what was going on in his life from other people. Until one day when I realised I hadn't thought about him for weeks, the pain just kind of faded and the need to know what he was doing, who he was talking to, what parties he went to just seemed to disappear. He's just a fond memory now (and thank god for that!)

You will pull through this. It's going to be really difficult but in the end you'll become a stronger person.

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I feel for you! It's been ten years and I don't think I'll ever be over my first love :( It probably doesnt help that he's been in and out of my life ever since then. I just can't seem to close the door on him.

 

As far as the heartache goes I'm sorry you are going through it. We've all felt it and I know we all hurt for you. :( I'm not psychic so I don't know if he'll make his way back. My suggestion is to not do what I do though. I let him in and out of my life and it makes it almost impossible to ever truly move on. Putting space between the two of you is the best thing you can do to try to move forward.

 

You will find love again....that I CAN promise you!

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