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Bluehorn

Bad Housekeeper

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So... this is something I hate about myself. It isn't that I don't know how to clean, I know very well how to clean and have had jobs in the past where that is what I was doing...and I did well. From a baby I had a peculiar talent of 'making a mess'... like significantly more than average because I know all children do make messes. This is compounded by the fact my mother was a cleaning freak... like she keeps the house like a museum. I grew up living in fear because I was always in trouble for not having things clean and I could never do a job to her liking either.

 

BUT.... I LOVE it clean.... love love love.... so my messy place, which sometimes is bad sometimes not quite as bad as I do put a dent in it here and there.... it causes me great psychological distress.

 

As an adult, before i had kids, the only way for me to keep things fairly neat was to have very little things.... lots of 'stuff' and documents becomes overwhelming... and trust me, I feel I have tried almost everything out there... have read books, done clearings.... petitions...spells.... throwing stuff out...

 

I imagine the carpets in my rental as my 'blood brain barrier' and the more stuff that gets spilled on it by children, the more it seems to drive me into mental/emotional distress...

 

I've asked for help from angels, from saints, spirits, my higher self.... and I'm not a lazy piece of crap in general I work really hard.... but seeing a sink full of dishes sometimes is like I'm looking up at mount everest, like I've got to climb that and it seems impossible.... how irrational, right?

 

Any thoughts? I am female, 31 years old, 3 kids now... this is a LIFELONG problem... THE thorn in my side since childhood... I have screamed and just weeped countless times.... I literally have to be in a panic attack and using an extreme amount of unnatural energy and motivation to do a cleaning marathon.... I've made schedules... set timers...

 

I feel I've done everything.... I feel I deserve a spotless, beautiful house... I get depressed because I live in a crappy rental that I don't like and has issues.... but I know this is MY problem... a good tidy person could make this place welcoming.. not all hodgepodge clutter and undone chores that are barely kept in check...

 

 

so... any psychic impressions? random tidbits of advice on a new perspective perhaps? I'm so down on myself about this... I feel like cleaning ladies and janitors are gods... and I'm so low

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Hmm....too bad that the timers did not work as my first suggestion was going to be to set a timer for 15 minutes. Actually, before I go further, what did you do after the timer?

 

I used to find cleaning more fun (when I had a huge house & it took awhile) if I set a timer for 15 minutes, cleaned like a madlady, pretended it was a 'game' to see how much I could get done. And then I set the timer for 10 or 15 minutes again, but Id then spend THAT time rewarding myself. Go read a book. Sit in the garden, google the internet, whatever felt like the grown up equivalent of a silver star in class. If you set the timer but then do not do something to reward yourself, its not fun. Perhaps you have already tried that but thought I'd mention it just in case.

 

My second thought is, I find its sooo much easier to do readings when I have a tidy space. Perhaps if you mentally focus on cleaning your house is not only a gift to yourself but also a gift and potential investment in your clients too? Sometimes when we both want and do not want to do something, we have to figure out ways to 'trick' ourselves into getting the balance to fall on the good side of things. So different mental ideas/viewpoints can help.

 

My 3rd and strangest thought is, do you know of anyone that has a similar sized house and similar problem near you? Maybe you guys could swap? Maybe you'd enjoy cleaning her house and she'd enjoy cleaning yours? Highly unlikely and Silly sounding but I feel like you need to find a way to make it more 'fun' somehow. Hence the 'silliness' factor.

 

My last logic based thought is, pray (if you don't pray perhaps you can set an intent?) to be at peace with the state of your home. That may either A. bring you more to a place where external states of chaos do not bother you so much....or B. create some sort of impetus for you to get it done!

 

I am pulling a few cards on it: the first card basically says, you have to find a way to break ties with your 'old self'. To look at now as a 'new now' and you as a new you...because you are rather bogged down in all the old mental and even energetic associations/patterns of how you look at/experience house cleaning.

 

Another thing, while shuffling, I got a sudden wiff of a lovely smell. I realized its the water and cypress spray I've been cleaning with. If you can find an aromatherapy oil (that has protective and/or clearing properties) and make a nice cleaning spray that might help. Because then you enjoy the scent more whilst you are cleaning. Plus the oils 'clear' the space too.

 

The last three cards don't make a lot of sense right off the batt. They are all cards of things being backwards. Black where white should be. Empty where full should be. Etc. It feels like this is something to...meditate on.

 

I hope there was something there that you have not already tried. Also, remember that sometimes its a matter of timing.

 

So... this is something I hate about myself. It isn't that I don't know how to clean, I know very well how to clean and have had jobs in the past where that is what I was doing...and I did well. From a baby I had a peculiar talent of 'making a mess'... like significantly more than average because I know all children do make messes. This is compounded by the fact my mother was a cleaning freak... like she keeps the house like a museum. I grew up living in fear because I was always in trouble for not having things clean and I could never do a job to her liking either.

 

BUT.... I LOVE it clean.... love love love.... so my messy place, which sometimes is bad sometimes not quite as bad as I do put a dent in it here and there.... it causes me great psychological distress.

 

As an adult, before i had kids, the only way for me to keep things fairly neat was to have very little things.... lots of 'stuff' and documents becomes overwhelming... and trust me, I feel I have tried almost everything out there... have read books, done clearings.... petitions...spells.... throwing stuff out...

 

I imagine the carpets in my rental as my 'blood brain barrier' and the more stuff that gets spilled on it by children, the more it seems to drive me into mental/emotional distress...

 

I've asked for help from angels, from saints, spirits, my higher self.... and I'm not a lazy piece of crap in general I work really hard.... but seeing a sink full of dishes sometimes is like I'm looking up at mount everest, like I've got to climb that and it seems impossible.... how irrational, right?

 

Any thoughts? I am female, 31 years old, 3 kids now... this is a LIFELONG problem... THE thorn in my side since childhood... I have screamed and just weeped countless times.... I literally have to be in a panic attack and using an extreme amount of unnatural energy and motivation to do a cleaning marathon.... I've made schedules... set timers...

 

I feel I've done everything.... I feel I deserve a spotless, beautiful house... I get depressed because I live in a crappy rental that I don't like and has issues.... but I know this is MY problem... a good tidy person could make this place welcoming.. not all hodgepodge clutter and undone chores that are barely kept in check...

 

 

so... any psychic impressions? random tidbits of advice on a new perspective perhaps? I'm so down on myself about this... I feel like cleaning ladies and janitors are gods... and I'm so low

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Hi Eleanor, I'm writing from my phone as the power has gone out due to a storm... I think your reading makes a lot of sense to me. The first part about the new me... perhaps accepting myself, when I say I hate myself as it concerns this issue, I mean it write literally. It's been a decades long anguish.

 

With the timers, I do 5 minutes. It's a great method ... otherwise I might never get any cleaning done... nothing wrong with the method, it's brilliant.... but what I must stress is that I've literally spent my whole life forcing myself and trying to trick myself into being what I should I mean being clean, keeping things tidy.

 

I find when I try to explain to anyone my problem, my darkest vice... my greatest shortcoming, they don't tend to see the seriousness.

 

I believe those last 3 cards are indicating this is 3 decades of trauma and extreme disappointment with myself... that it's pathological ... I have a huge collection of essential oils and special cleaning products... I looked over at my blue spray bottle with a clearing/cleansing spray I made myself, when I read the bit about the spray...

 

perhaps I know what to do, to minimize even further the amount of things... otherwise I'm overwhelmed like just rendered incapable, paralyzed... I appreciate the reading... I constantly ask saints and spirits to help me make this a sacred space

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It really feels like its an inside & outside thing.

 

And I keep feeling like its a matter of training yourself not to be overwhelmed...and also NOT to beat yourself up.

 

I keep feeling that a deep part of you, not your best to yourself part of course, is attached to the mess. Like a love/hate relationship.

 

Also, when I thought that, I drew a card of a body, with two egg shapes on either side of it, or kidneys, and in those places. Within each of those shapes, two figures are embracing so tightly that one cannot possibly feel what one feels without the other. As in no concept of being without the other.

 

I am getting that deep down, what you feel would happen for you, if your home was not a wreck, frightens you on some level. like when we ask for love over & over but perhaps we have a deep fear of that person then leaving us. So we put in 'roadblocks' This is that feeling. Like you are harboring a fear of what long for because it represents other things. Or would lead to other things.

 

As I am sure you already have thought of, there is also self healing work to do with your mother. Somehow you have to reframe that. I'm thinking that may be much like the way a cigarette smoker snaps a rubber band every time that they think of a cig. In other words, figure out what your triggers are to do with bad thinking or ill emotions to do with housekeeping and figure out something you can say, right away, before you go down that tunnel. And BE CONSISTANT. Maybe pretend you are being your own mother. or not. Hmm...did your mother yell at you about messes much? Maybe you are being your own mother and subconsciously saying, its ok dear, don't fret...while your adult self says but I LIKE a clean home! lol. anyways, you have to break that thought pattern.

 

Oh, last thought, perhaps you have been assuming this is 'your stuff' all this time and its not. Next time you feel super negative about housekeeping, stop, think firmly, "I sent this ugly energy to do with housekeeping back to its Source!" if you feel better then perhaps its not even yours to claim or fix. But you'd basically have to treat it like a stray dog & keep sending it back, until it eventually got the idea that you are not its free food.

 

Sorry your power is out. No fun! Hope it comes back on soon!

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I can only offer my empathy! I always said I am the worst housekeeper!! Not domesticated at all... *blush* (having had someone permanently cleaning for us in our birth country, and having to do everything myself here - when I never have had to before). I can honestly say it's the worst job ever probably (and trying to be organized is not my strongpoint either). With 3 kids that make a mass amount of mess I get disheartened too.. What helps me is to remember that there really is no one else that can do it. That regardless of really not liking it (and I really despise it), I am doing it for my family whom I love extremely. This is part of my role in caring for them - thus regardless of it being such a chore to me, I am still doing something for them. It's a very thankless job, but yeah, someone has to do it?

 

Perhaps if you say to yourself, even tho I really don't like doing it, I am doing it because I really love my kids. It's an act of love from me to them? Another thing - I agree with doing little bits at a time with many breaks! This is the only way I get through my chores and taking care of a toddler. Luckily my one kiddo is at school and the other one at Kindy 2 and a half days a week.. This helps although it's my baby that makes the most mess! Are your kids old enough to help a bit?

 

Hope you find something that works for you - it should get better when your kids are older though, try and hang in there for now and give yourself a break! Raising 3 kids aren't a walk in the park!!

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oh Poss...You are such a flippin GREAT mom...you made my eyes tear up reading that post!!!!

 

Woohoo for you! :dance: That was/is beautiful.

 

 

I can only offer my empathy! I always said I am the worst housekeeper!! Not domesticated at all... *blush* (having had someone permanently cleaning for us in our birth country, and having to do everything myself here - when I never have had to before). I can honestly say it's the worst job ever probably (and trying to be organized is not my strongpoint either). With 3 kids that make a mass amount of mess I get disheartened too.. What helps me is to remember that there really is no one else that can do it. That regardless of really not liking it (and I really despise it), I am doing it for my family whom I love extremely. This is part of my role in caring for them - thus regardless of it being such a chore to me, I am still doing something for them. It's a very thankless job, but yeah, someone has to do it?

 

Perhaps if you say to yourself, even tho I really don't like doing it, I am doing it because I really love my kids. It's an act of love from me to them? Another thing - I agree with doing little bits at a time with many breaks! This is the only way I get through my chores and taking care of a toddler. Luckily my one kiddo is at school and the other one at Kindy 2 and a half days a week.. This helps although it's my baby that makes the most mess! Are your kids old enough to help a bit?

 

Hope you find something that works for you - it should get better when your kids are older though, try and hang in there for now and give yourself a break! Raising 3 kids aren't a walk in the park!!

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HEY, I just got another idea!

 

Blue, if you feel that you are getting enough really solid hits over the next few weeks....enough to feel good/solid about it...perhaps you could barter?

 

Two years ago, my dog had an ear infection. I had no money to take her to a vet. I suddenly got a nudge from Spirit (perhaps because the need was great, I was VERY concerned) to go online. I looked for a page of vets and I saw ones email address and thought hey, that's her! That's Tories vet! She was a mobile vet, who did housecalls. I emailed her and said hey, I know this is probably the strangest thing you have ever heard but...would you consider doing a barter? I will read for you and if I get good gouge for you, you will treat my dog? I know what is wrong with her, its an old issue, she just needs a tube of medicine but I don't have expendable funds for two weeks.

 

I thought, what the heck, if she says no what have I lost? A little embarrassment is all. I got an email back that day saying she would love to do it! The reading was very pertinent, she actually needed one and was well pleased.

 

The only thing is, her reading was at least an hour, and treating Torie took all of ten minutes, if that. And a 20 dollar tube of ear goop.

 

sooo...I don't know as you could look at it as a long term solution because who is going to need another reading every single week. Lol, then again, lots of us on here never get tired of them. So who knows. :dance: I can see it now, well, Monday is going to be rubbish, Tuesday you will argue with a man in 7-eleven. By Thursday you will be so fed up with cleaning other peoples toilets that you will consider moving to Jamaica and selling umbrellas....etc. Just kidding.

 

Anyways, perhaps you could barter for a tidy up now & again?

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Hi... sorry about the delayed reply... got my laptop hooked up in a hotel room now... the power outage isn't expected to be fixed until 10pm tonight here... so... no way we could suffer that mess. I'm pretty sure I'll have to throw out all our frozen food and probably a bunch of refrigerated stuff, too just to be safe.

 

I really feel it's beyond training... I was mercilessly punished even as a toddler for not cleaning up to my mother's standard within a certain time frame... so, compassion was something I never learned from her.

 

I think the body card further emphasizes that this is a real condition... not just something I don't like to do, but something I cannot do the way I would like. I will never be ok with having a mess.... so the only alternative for me is to come up with accommodations... similar to how my autistic sons have special needs accommodations in school when taking tests etc.

 

I already only use disposable plates, bowls, cups and plastic ware... a trick... an accommodation I came up with a few years back... helps me keep the pots and random few dishes done since there aren't many... I hate all the extra trash I make like that... but I hate my handicap worse... the shaking, heart palpitations and being petrified and not knowing where to begin every time I see a mess. My heart and health can't take this struggle... that's the worst part of this.

 

And I am so proud... so so proud... I wouldn't never want anyone to see my place not cleaned up... and extremely private, don't like people over... so I can't see bartering only because of how ashamed I would be to let someone see my unloved and tired looking home... I suppose I feel free to talk about it because of the anonymity. The problem is really clutter more than anything... I cannot stand filth... so I guess that's the silver lining... but still, I obsess about it on a daily basis and it haunts me. Mental disorder for sure... like a twisted form of OCD that somehow prevents me from keeping it all just so idk

 

 

But for some reason I was able to do a few things after posting this... and just having the empathy about this too, has done me some good. I appreciate it... and yes, of course, I want my kids to have a lovely homey tidy environment... but the beating myself up and obsessing is what needs to stop first I think.

 

thanks to you both, it is very meaningful... now I have a weird psychic 'thing' that happened today... and I'll post in readings to see if anyone has any impression :)

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Hey! I have one more idea. Symbols do wonders sometimes. I have noticed you have an unusual way of speaking of your home. Over and over you speak of it almost anthropomorphically. Like when you say your poor tired and unloved home. Perhaps you could try imagining/visualizing it as a living being, a cartoon almost with short legs, and arms and its own personality? Then see yourself making friends with it and see if anything comes to you after that?

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Hey! I have one more idea. Symbols do wonders sometimes. I have noticed you have an unusual way of speaking of your home. Over and over you speak of it almost anthropomorphically. Like when you say your poor tired and unloved home. Perhaps you could try imagining/visualizing it as a living being, a cartoon almost with short legs, and arms and its own personality? Then see yourself making friends with it and see if anything comes to you after that?

 

You know, I'll try that when I get home.... but who knows... at least maybe she has some encouragement for me :D

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Ha ha. I had my own funny ideas but let me know how that goes. I'm curious to see how she ends up showing herself to you. Though actually, it might be nice to do it while you are there. Distance can be a good thing!

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Ha ha. I had my own funny ideas but let me know how that goes. I'm curious to see how she ends up showing herself to you. Though actually, it might be nice to do it while you are there. Distance can be a good thing!

 

That's actually brilliant.... basically invoke my apartment and see what happens! LOL I will post the experience when I do this then... about to take the kids out to eat and explore this town just a bit... thank-you for all the insight

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No problem. And it sure does sound like fun. Hmm...what would the spirit of my space look like? Oh cool...I see mine as looking like a neat little happy bubbly ball, sort of attached to the rest of the building via a cord. It sort of dances off in the parking lot almost, away from the rest. The rest of the building looks like 'eeyore'...sort of ponderous, slow and a bit 'down'. Mine place looks pink and happy mostly, (interestingly, it has skinny legs, which I do not) its a bit worried about whether it will be able to be happy after I move out. But it has enough of the eeyore spirit to it to be saying hey, its ok, even if you go, I am having fun now. Its a building that was built in 1923 as a hospital so it has a very dignified way about it. Hopefully the change in energy will draw a more upbeat person to it with the next tenant. :) I mean more upbeat than most of the people here, not me.

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oh Poss...You are such a flippin GREAT mom...you made my eyes tear up reading that post!!!!

 

Woohoo for you! :dance: That was/is beautiful.

 

 

 

 

Oh my friend - thank you! I don't know about being great, but I try to be ok enough that I don't scar them for life lol :wub:

 

You have such wonderful, useful advice Eleanor! Blue I hope that you will have some success with these tips you've received ! Keep us updated?

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Oh and I see I never answered the question about age... I have 7 year old twins and a 4 year old, all boys... and spending this day/night in a hotel was an eye opening experience for me... they demolished it so quickly! They have boundless energy... and I do put rules, but they have a hard time abiding by them due to so much energy and the love of tag games etc. It is exhausting... I kept having to tell them no, no, no and yell ... I hate yelling and I hate nagging... micro management is not my strong suit at all. So quickly, despite my picking up after them, things were thrown this way and that and they had put crumbs and things all over the carpet. It offends me... but in a way it all was showing me that... "look, 3 little boys, is hard!! they are messy!" something judgmental people can't understand and most won't relate with..

 

I do make them pick up things here and there, but I have to threaten to take away their turn with the ipad which they love to play games on to get them to do anything at all...

 

There are a couple of things I have mostly managed to engrain so far 1)as soon as you enter our home, "shoes on the wall" they must put their shoes by the wall... because searching for lost shoes drives me absolutely mad 2)when we've gone to the grocery, everyone must carry up a bag also, because we all have to help

 

When they were really little, the only rule I had for the twins was "hands on the car" -- when we were out anywhere they had to put both hands on the side of the car until I was ready to take them across the parking lot or street... some people told me I sounded like a drill sergeant and was too harsh. But they didn't understand... these kids would have run off into the street to their deaths... I am still a 'drill sergeant' as it concerns staying right by the car until we're ready to cross the street etc... but my #1 priority is keeping them safe... I will always be suspicious that they can and will defy my rules as it concerns their personal safety... Looking back, I should have gotten those backpack leashes for them... people criticize that, but when you have hyper active kids and more than one to deal with also *especially* with issues like autism or ADHD... then leashes seem like a great idea... too many toddlers are run over all the time, there needs to be more preventative measures.... I feel like I'm on a soapbox now hawking baby leashes lol

 

So I fell asleep as I was invoking the 'spirit of my home'... but I recall it seeming a lot more compassionate about me than I am... and I awoke with images of a lovely room with the beds all made and a breeze coming through a window, and I was there...

 

I think something is changing.. I think at heart I have no peace until I feel in control of my environment... the lack of control is what the mess represents

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I got a wonderful, wonderful, feeling when I read the last two lines of that.

 

A feeling of a calm and serene woman.

 

Perhaps Bluehorn, you should focus on only your bedroom?

 

Get it clean, a bit at a time and leave it at that?

 

Focus on the rest of the home being 'safe enough' for now.

 

If you could get YOUR own space clean and more of a sanctuary for you, I feel that answers on how to deal with everything else would come to you. And as it is your room, you could work on it after the kids are asleep.

 

If need be, get a lock that is above their reach to put on it....I know some kids won't stay out of moms room when they are playing.

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I realize I am joining this conversation very late, but when I read your description of how the mess makes you feel and the need to be in control I felt compelled to reply. What you are describing is anxiety attacks. Your mother made you feel so inadequate in this particular area that you feel extreme distress and unable to do anything about it, almost like you are frozen. You must forgive your mom for making you feel this way and forgive yourself for having the feelings. Meditate and pray about this particular area of the problem. I believe you will feel a great lightening of the burden if you can accomplish this.

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