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After 6 years... is it time?

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Theres a man whom ive had been "friends w/ benefits" off and on for the past 6 years. Whenever I talk or see him, my heart feels like its about to pound out of my chest. I have blocked my emotions to see if it is "just a crush" that ive had for years, but the feeling stays the same. Throughout our relationship, ive stayed in his life, and he has stayed in mine. The past few months my feelings have gotten stronger. He has been trying to "hang out" with me, but I wanted to wait until i had my job and college life balanced. He understood that, and now I have them balanced.

 

One of my significant symbols is seeing heart shapped clouds. A few weeks ago I asked if he would be my next boyfriend (been single for 3 years), and I saw atleast 3 heart shapped clouds after I asked the question.

 

Me being 21 and have my career path in order and doing well in college, I think its about time I had a relationship again, and I'm ready.

 

Anyone that has any input or adivce is welcome to say their opinion.

 

 

Natalie(:

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Theres a man whom ive had been "friends w/ benefits" off and on for the past 6 years. Whenever I talk or see him, my heart feels like its about to pound out of my chest. I have blocked my emotions to see if it is "just a crush" that ive had for years, but the feeling stays the same. Throughout our relationship, ive stayed in his life, and he has stayed in mine. The past few months my feelings have gotten stronger. He has been trying to "hang out" with me, but I wanted to wait until i had my job and college life balanced. He understood that, and now I have them balanced.

 

One of my significant symbols is seeing heart shapped clouds. A few weeks ago I asked if he would be my next boyfriend (been single for 3 years), and I saw atleast 3 heart shapped clouds after I asked the question.

 

Me being 21 and have my career path in order and doing well in college, I think its about time I had a relationship again, and I'm ready.

 

Anyone that has any input or adivce is welcome to say their opinion.

 

Natalie(:

 

 

Not to sound judgmental, but I have always had a hard time in understanding these type of relationships. They seem to be very complex and I feel like the stresses that can become involved are just not worth the effort.

 

If I may ask you some questions to get a better understanding. When you said you have been single for 3 years... Does this mean no physical contact with anyone other than this person for 3 years?

The other three you played the field?

Have they had other partners as well?

Does this person share the same thoughts as you, about this type of relationship advancing?

 

What I get from this is the unwillingness to commit. Which maybe from either or both parties for all I know. My concern is that 6 years of this type of relationship has given it a foundation of weakness. The stage has been set in stone. If you two were to change the dynamics, youll change the entire relationship.

 

You sound as if youve fallen for this person. Im feeling like your wanting to advance and he likes things just as they are but until you reply, its just mere speculation.

 

In my honest opinion... friends with benefits should stay just that. No emotional ties.

Im not saying that it cant work out. I just believe the odds are against you.

 

Hope this helps.

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Not to sound judgmental, but I have always had a hard time in understanding these type of relationships. They seem to be very complex and I feel like the stresses that can become involved are just not worth the effort.

 

If I may ask you some questions to get a better understanding. When you said you have been single for 3 years... Does this mean no physical contact with anyone other than this person for 3 years?

The other three you played the field?

Have they had other partners as well?

Does this person share the same thoughts as you, about this type of relationship advancing?

 

What I get from this is the unwillingness to commit. Which maybe from either or both parties for all I know. My concern is that 6 years of this type of relationship has given it a foundation of weakness. The stage has been set in stone. If you two were to change the dynamics, youll change the entire relationship.

 

You sound as if youve fallen for this person. Im feeling like your wanting to advance and he likes things just as they are but until you reply, its just mere speculation.

 

In my honest opinion... friends with benefits should stay just that. No emotional ties.

Im not saying that it cant work out. I just believe the odds are against you.

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

 

No im glad you are being honest. To answer your questions: 1) Yes it means no physical contact with this person or any other person. I have no been with anyone since i discovered my abilities so I can sense when someone just wants that one thing, and I can tell who they are. 2)I have not played the field, or been on any dates with a man. I wanted to get my life together before I was committed to someone again. 3) Yes he has had 1 partner in the 3 years I have been getting my life together.

 

We hang out and talk on a regular basis so it doesn't seem weird. I have not had physical contact with him in over 3 years. We have the same train of thought. He knows of my abilities and I can sense he has similar ones as me as well. I will admit I have fallen for the guy, but i keep my emotions kind of away from that so it wont bother me, which it doesn't (luckily). He has told me he misses me and wants to reconnect, but we have not officially sat down to discuss our feelings.

 

My last boyfriend (3 years ago), has made me scared to committ in a relationship again so I will admitt that I am a little afraid to be with someone. This guy has helped me come out of my shell the past few months, showing me not to be afraid anymore.

 

 

Your input has helped alot and I would love to hear anything else you have to say. I thank you and I appreciate it!!

 

Natalie

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No im glad you are being honest. To answer your questions: 1) Yes it means no physical contact with this person or any other person. I have no been with anyone since i discovered my abilities so I can sense when someone just wants that one thing, and I can tell who they are. 2)I have not played the field, or been on any dates with a man. I wanted to get my life together before I was committed to someone again. 3) Yes he has had 1 partner in the 3 years I have been getting my life together.

 

We hang out and talk on a regular basis so it doesn't seem weird. I have not had physical contact with him in over 3 years. We have the same train of thought. He knows of my abilities and I can sense he has similar ones as me as well. I will admit I have fallen for the guy, but i keep my emotions kind of away from that so it wont bother me, which it doesn't (luckily). He has told me he misses me and wants to reconnect, but we have not officially sat down to discuss our feelings.

 

My last boyfriend (3 years ago), has made me scared to committ in a relationship again so I will admitt that I am a little afraid to be with someone. This guy has helped me come out of my shell the past few months, showing me not to be afraid anymore.

 

 

Your input has helped alot and I would love to hear anything else you have to say. I thank you and I appreciate it!!

 

Natalie

 

Im glad to read what I had in your reply.

From what you have said, you both sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

He hasnt played the field, which was my biggest influence in my initial post.

Seems like in so many instances, people(men,sorry to bash) and women Im sure, arent true to themselves and use excuses to be able to have the freedom to act as the wish with no consequences for their egotistical behavior.

 

He sounds like a good guy that is willing to take the steps to show you hes there, when your ready. Good Luck to you both! :)

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Im glad to read what I had in your reply.

From what you have said, you both sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

He hasnt played the field, which was my biggest influence in my initial post.

Seems like in so many instances, people(men,sorry to bash) and women Im sure, arent true to themselves and use excuses to be able to have the freedom to act as the wish with no consequences for their egotistical behavior.

 

He sounds like a good guy that is willing to take the steps to show you hes there, when your ready. Good Luck to you both! :)

 

 

Thank you I appreciate your feedback! I would rather be stable than always worrying if I'm doing the right thing, especially balancing work college and a relationship. He currently is with a woman. Which gives me more time to have mynlife in order before I take on that burden.

 

Thank you!

 

Natalie

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Thank you I appreciate your feedback! I would rather be stable than always worrying if I'm doing the right thing, especially balancing work college and a relationship. He currently is with a woman. Which gives me more time to have mynlife in order before I take on that burden.

 

Thank you!

 

Natalie

 

Ok, hold it! You threw a wrench in it when you said "burden" Im not sure thats what I would use to describe my potential relationship. What gives you this outlook?

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Ok, hold it! You threw a wrench in it when you said "burden" Im not sure thats what I would use to describe my potential relationship. What gives you this outlook?

 

In my past relationships i have had to try and balance school and a boyfriend (which for females you know it can be distracting). And now that Im juggling college, working at a law firm, and about to be working in forensics and also a paranormal society. I feel like it would be more pressure on me to handle a relationship. Like I played softball for over 10 years, I was the pitcher so I always felt likeI had to burden all positions on the field, if that makes sense? Lol.

 

Not necessairly (spell check) a burden, but more of a pressure of not being balanced when i enter a relationship even if i feel ready

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A relationship should not be a burden. It's not something anyone should force him/herself into just because s/he feels it's time. So, if you truly think it's a burden, then it is not time or possibly not the right guy either. It should only be something you go into if you really want to. I have gone into relationships in the past that I was hesitant about or just went into with the mindset "why the heck not?" but not fully WANTING it. And it does become emotionally draining.

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In my past relationships i have had to try and balance school and a boyfriend (which for females you know it can be distracting). And now that Im juggling college, working at a law firm, and about to be working in forensics and also a paranormal society. I feel like it would be more pressure on me to handle a relationship. Like I played softball for over 10 years, I was the pitcher so I always felt likeI had to burden all positions on the field, if that makes sense? Lol.

 

Not necessairly (spell check) a burden, but more of a pressure of not being balanced when i enter a relationship even if i feel ready

 

With what you have going on...it sounds its hard to even find the time to sleep, let alone find time to add a relationship. Timing doesnt seem right. It should flow with no glitches. Get your priorities both balanced and grounded before you add anymore responsibilities.

When you mentioned he was with someone I over looked it, then recalled you mentioning he wanted to hang out again.

Hypothetically think what it would be like for her to loose him now that you feel the time is now. Is he just gonna break it to her gently?

He needs to evaluate his relationship. Its not fair to the other woman to be second choice when hes emotionally connected to you. I would tell him to come "hang out" when hes single. Then you will know for sure that its the right time for both of you.

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A relationship should not be a burden. It's not something anyone should force him/herself into just because s/he feels it's time. So, if you truly think it's a burden, then it is not time or possibly not the right guy either. It should only be something you go into if you really want to. I have gone into relationships in the past that I was hesitant about or just went into with the mindset "why the heck not?" but not fully WANTING it. And it does become emotionally draining.

 

Thank you! I feel as if im ready, but then my gut is telling me know, with any man. So im gonna keep going with the flow and when it happens, it will. I just need to be patient!

 

(:

 

With what you have going on...it sounds its hard to even find the time to sleep, let alone find time to add a relationship. Timing doesnt seem right. It should flow with no glitches. Get your priorities both balanced and grounded before you add anymore responsibilities.

When you mentioned he was with someone I over looked it, then recalled you mentioning he wanted to hang out again.

Hypothetically think what it would be like for her to loose him now that you feel the time is now. Is he just gonna break it to her gently?

He needs to evaluate his relationship. Its not fair to the other woman to be second choice when hes emotionally connected to you. I would tell him to come "hang out" when hes single. Then you will know for sure that its the right time for both of you.

 

You're right. I dont even have time to sleep much. I told him I don't wanna "hang out" with him (told him several times) when hes with her because I would know how she felt and I wouldnt want that to happen to me. I wouldnt know how he would do it. I just know he is iffy about his relationship with her. To alot of guys I have been the second choice, and with them I chose not to persue.

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I agree with the opinions already shared, and I wanted to add that this man is also in a relationship now, or at least you mentioned he is with a woman. I don't think this is the person you should focus on, because if he is with someone else he simply is not available. I definitely wouldn't want another lady to be waiting on the side until my boyfriend and I break up, because hopefully we won't and I know I'll do my best to make this relationship work. I don't know how serious their relationship is, but it would also be unfair to you to simply count on them breaking up in the near future.

 

To be honest, I've been through a lot in the last few years, so I know how the wrong relationship can become a burden. But, similarly, a great relationship during difficult times can become a great support and source of joy and love. But it is only up to you to decide on your priorities, because even in a great relationship you must dedicate some time to it, and if you feel you want to focus on other things and don't have time for a relationship the best you can do is wait, wait until you feel that a relationship is a priority in your life.

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love usually finds us when we least expect it. It sounds as though this interlude is being a bit more controlled more so than just allowing yourself to feel and be loved in the natural way. Personally I think if you are ready for it and have acknowledged it, that it will happen when the time is right and not a moment before. Just my two cents worth of thought.....if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. if its not then well, truthfully, tis not. Definitely agree with above poster about the odds though.

 

Blessings

Ceriana

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