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Regaining Balance: EAM’s guide to dealing with negative “crap-storms” and happenings.

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Regaining Balance: EAM’s guide to dealing with negative “crap-storms” and happenings.

 

It is inevitable that throughout the course of our lives, and at many points, crap-storms of negative occurrences bombard un-mercilessly our general well-being and happiness. The proverb says “When it rains, it pours,” and I can’t help but think that it’s true on some levels. Whether a serious or petty negative occurrence, from a broken window to a flat tire, our balance becomes disoriented. We may slump into self-pity, anger, or contempt.

So this is a guide for those moments; big and small! My purpose here is to provide some guidance on how we might move past negativity easier and quicker. I’ll use a very fresh example that also serves as the inspiration for this guide, to illustrate my own way of working through these “crap-storms”.

The example: This morning, I locked myself out of my house. And I mean locked. There was not a window or a door open. Our neighbors no longer had a spare key, and calling a locksmith to drive 40 miles to my house would be outrageously expensive. A seemingly minor human-problem, this would eventually lead to what I call the event horizon. In physics, the event horizon is essentially a point of no return. In black holes specifically, the event horizon is the liminal boundary that defines the spot after which no matter can come back. For my guide, I use the term event horizon to represent the point at which any hope for a potentially better outcome is lost. The negative experience must occur. (We may learn how to cope and move past the negative experience easier, however. Obviously the point of this guide)

 

So when did I move past my event horizon? Well, EAM (I’m using the third person to distance myself from the escapade) got particularly angry after spending 45 minutes trying to wedge open the lock, and proceeded to channel all the accumulated rage and frustration into one, concentrated, and surprisingly powerful heel-push kick, thereby knocking the enemy agape, busting out its lock, splitting the wood of its frame, only for EAM to sum up the entirety of the ordeal with the words “Take that, you $%*$-#@*%^&!”

 

Well. You’re certainly in for it now, EAM. I had crossed the event horizon. My situation was now worse. My wall was chipped. My frame was split. The lock plate had flown into oblivion. The bill for the locksmith immediately seemed preferable.

 

Step 1: Admit the occurrence of the negativity ASAP.

 

The most critical first step is to take accountability, if it’s due. At first I tried blaming the lock, which always misled me about being locked or unlocked in the first place. Then I tried blaming the dog; I had to let him out of the garage (I didn’t condemn him. I rather blamed the situation). Then I blamed my parents for not having a spare key. Eventually I took accountability. This was my fault, and the event horizon was passed because of my actions alone.

But what do we do if the situation truly isn’t our fault? This is sometimes worse: a flat tire, and cracked windshield, etc. You can blame whoever threw the nail out. You can blame the person for cutting in front of you on a gravel road. But at the end of the day, it was simply a happening. Admit that there was no one to blame. Murphy’s Law, assuming it’s true, had its way. There was nothing to be done.

 

Step 2: Reassure yourself.

 

Remind yourself that you are okay. Despite this temporary upset, remember that you are still just as worth-while and capable of a human being as before the negative occurrence(s). How great will the impact really be? Perhaps even a few days from now? Unless you are experiencing negative onslaughts that will upset your finances heavily, remember that you will wake up next week (perhaps with less money in your bank account) and everything will be pretty much normal.

 

Step 3: Reconcile the present with options

 

You dealt with the future in step 2. You dealt with the past in step 1. Now you have to deal with the present. Take a minute to collect. What can be done, now? In my situation, there was a contractor working on our roof that day. I asked him to look at the door and appraise the damage. For me the present can be the worst part. I often find myself slipping into the past or jumping into the future. If you need to, reassume steps 1 and 2. But also understand that at some point, it’s necessary to move on. Give yourself options for the occurrence. Write them down, if need be. Utilize the analytical portion of your brain and work through each option, even if it’s painful. Explore different ways to look at the situation. Be present and aware.

 

Step 4: What will be will be.

 

Acceptance means understanding that there is no rewind button in life. It happened. If we’ve reconciled past, future, and present, we’ve done everything we can. Don’t follow yourself in circles of if onlys and what ifs. If you’ve ascribed the occurrence, reassured your well-being, and have legitimate options for the present, there’s nothing more to be done! Take this time to meditate, conduct breath exercises, and regain your balance. Coping with the incident will be easier as soon as balance is achieved.

 

Step 5: Learn after separation.

 

People like to claim this step as the positive for bad experiences. I don’t go that far. Often, the negative experience stems from something you should have known already. I of all people should have known that kicking in my door wasn’t the best option. Growing up, my best friend’s parents always asked him “What were you thinking?” Replying with “I wasn’t thinking,” was never an option. He always had to explain himself. When you get to this step, after separating yourself from the situation with time and reflection, ask yourself “What was I thinking?” and follow it up with a legitimate answer, even if it’s silly. I was thinking “I need to get into my house by any immediate means necessary.” From this, I learned that I am still prone to impulsive, quickly and wrongly rationalized actions. That’s something I need to work on as an individual, because this isn’t the first time I’ve done things like this.

 

That sums up the guide! Everyone has different tactics, but these are mine. I hope they’re useful to someone, and keep a couple of the steps in mind the next time something bad happens to you. Cheers!

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This was a really good little column of wisdom!! Thank you for sharing this

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