By Jennifer Angel

Clever Conversation

You’ve got his or her attention and they’re heading your way. Panic, what on earth are you going to say to him or her? What to say and what not to say is the question on your mind, and will you feel and sound silly as soon as you open your mouth, and oh no those awful silences, what will you say next. Don’t worry, there are ways to overcome relationship introduction awkwardness.

Opening Chat

What’s a good pick up line? Well some of them are so obvious and others are far too subtle, and besides the term pick up line is so old hat, so let’s call it opening chat. The best way to open a conversation is to simply say hi and then if you want to go a step further you can introduce yourself. By introducing yourself, you’re offering some information about yourself, so it paves the way for the other person to then offer some information about themselves.

Of course, there are clever opening lines, which you can use if you’re feeling adventurous. Try something like; Did you get that suntan in Florida? Have you always been a Blonde? Are your good looks from your mother’s side? Is it true what they say about bald men? You Tarzan, me Jane, and the list can goes on, but you need to be able to pull these openings off and also the situation needs to warrant it. If in doubt, just say hi how are you, and if they’re interested, don’t worry, they’ll respond.

Most men, even though they’re from Mars, are not that backward about coming forward when they know you’re interested. If they know that they’re not going to be rejected and feel foolish, then they won’t feel self-conscious about making the next move. You can let them know that you’re open to communicating with them by being flirtatious. Or, you can just give them a big genuine smile and say hi - that will be a clear message that you are open to meeting them.

What To Say

After the introduction, what do you say? Well, once you get the opening conversation out of the way, you can start sharing conversation back and forth. You can ask general questions that don’t delve too deeply into the person’s life, because at this point it could be confronting for a stranger to be asking questions that are of a deep personal nature. Instead, ask questions that tell you something about the person. Compliments are also great at this stage. However, if you’re going to use compliments, make sure they are genuine. For instance, if you like the jacket or dress he or she is wearing, you can comment on it. Also, take advantage of the situation and place where you meet. If you meet during a seminar you can talk about the content of the seminar, how he or she heard about it, are they enjoying it, why are they doing it and how will they use the information later and so on.

Remember to think about questions that start with who, why, when, what and how. If you can remember these five words, you will never be without something to talk about. If you meet at a function through a friend, you can talk about how they know each other and for how long and why they’ve attended the function. Seeking more information about the person through their association with a friend, will give you more insight as to what their interests are. Maybe the mutual friend has a love of movies, or they play sport together, so you can use the conversation to talk about the interest or hobby they have and don’t forget the who, why, when, what and how questions.

If you meet them at a bar or club and you’ve never seen them before then this is the hardest situation of all, unless of course, you are a natural chatterbox. In this situation, you are best to ask questions that require an explanation rather than a yes/no answer. This will get them talking, and as soon as you can learn something about them, you will have more questions to ask and things to talk about. You can ask questions like; what’s best on the menu here? What sort of music do they play? In addition, some questions that require a yes, no answer will lead into more explanatory questions. For instance, if you ask if they had far to come to the venue, this will let you know something about them. Then you can ask about their home or work, or where he or she came from and then go on to ask about their work and what they do or don’t love about it. Do they work with nice people, how long have they been there, and so on.

The other great thing to do is make sure you read the paper daily or check out the latest news on the internet, that way you will always have plenty of general information to talk about. You’ll also find out about his or her opinions and how they feel about certain issues presently happening in the world.

How To Say It

The way you say things is very important too. Think about how you want your tone of voice to sound. What is it you want to portray? You can sound different by using different tones. Do you want your tone of voice to be soft and approachable, maybe you want to sound breathy and sexy, or perhaps you would prefer to sound knowledgeable and straight forward, a no fuzz girl or guy. However, with the straight forward no fuzz tone, be careful that you don’t sound authoritive as this can seem intimidating. It’s best to use an even tone, not too high and not too low. It’s important to portray your natural self, and in the end, this is what you want people to learn and accept about you, so you may as well be as natural as possible.

Encouraging Chat

Be encouraging when you’re chatting. Offer positive feedback; if for instance he or she says something you agree with, tell them you agree and ask more questions about the topic they’re talking about. If it’s a sensitive area, let them know you understand. If it’s something funny or a joke, then feel free to laugh. These are ways of giving positive encouragement to make them feel comfortable in your presence. It’s the start of building a relationship and communication between two people is one of the most important areas of a relationship. If both parties feel comfortable with their communication, it’s more likely to go to the next stage. If you can start developing strong communication skills between you in the early stages of the relationship, you have a better chance of getting through any sticky uncomfortable stages that arise down the track.

Private Info

Sharing of private info too early in the flirting, meeting, dating phase can be confronting and many people don’t like to divulge too much straight away. Private matters need to stay private until the person feels safe enough to be able to share them with you and this is not something that cannot be forced. As you get to know someone, they will feel free to share more details about themselves. It’s important to know how far you can take your questions and how private a question can be. Your indication will be how freely your guy or girl answers such questions. If you get a one word answer to a private question, then this is an indication that it is too early to be asking those type of questions. In this case, bring your questioning back to areas like, hobbies, restaurants, favourite food, sports, books, movies and those type of questions.

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